To think a 13 year old boy shouldn't use the ladies loo?

[NameChangeLulu]

NC for this. Recently I was in a situation where a group of people I was in went to a service station. A boy of 13 was told by his mother to come into the ladies with her rather than use the gents as it was safer.

AIBU to think that’s not OK?

I never see all these women getting changed in toilets that some seem to do. Surely if you needed to undress you would do it in a cubicle, not strip off in the public area?

I am genuinely puzzled by this - I must be missing something. Why would anyone be bothered by a 13YO going in to the ladies?

I think you are over thinking it. I'm guessing most 13 year old boys would not want to use the ladies - the fact he was prepared to suggests to me there is a really good reason his mum asked him to do this so it wouldn't bother me.

So it's unsafe for a man (boy, accompanied by his mother) to be in a ladies loo but perfectly safe for a woman to go to the mens to ensure the safety of her son and/or send her son in alone to these dangerous men?
But dads shouldn't take girls in to the mens they should go in the ladies and dads should wait outside?

Do people not see the irony?

I take DS in to the ladies or, if not busy, in to the disabled loo. He will not be going somewhere like that alone and if men are so dangerous in female dominated spaces why should I need to enter their space as a lone individual to ensure his safety?

I think a 13 year old girl who was changing her sanpro would be bothered by a male in there.

If there was no issue with males being in the ladies then why aren't all loos mixed??

Well why stop at 1 13 year old then? What about 2 of them, or a 15 year old and some of his mates? Still ok with that? Still ok with your 11 year old dd using them independently if that's who may be in it?

My son has autism which isn’t immediately apparent, that said I wouldn’t encourage him to use the Ladies loos any more....he hasn’t since age of 10.we now use the disabled toilets (he cannot cope with hand dryers) so I have a key we can use to access disabled toilets out and about.
If he is with DH then they use the men’s loos together.

I often see boys of about 11+ in the female changing rooms at my gym. The gym changing rooms are communal, no cubicles and I hate stripping off in front of boys that age.

There is.no reason why an 11 yo cannot go unaccompanied into the male changing room or for a 13 yo boy to go into a male loo.

I personally hate changing in cubicles. Feels so cramped. But if it is unisex I will make sure I at least put my pants on in the cubicle but if its a ladies and not due cleaning I wouldn't really expect boys to be in.

My brother was grabbed and flashed about this age in a males toilet in a shopping centre.He was vulnerable wether you agree or not. I’m not sure what women are worried he might see in a cubicle, the sanitary bin? Them washing their hands? Applying some lippy? I’d not have uttered a word about a boy coming in with his mum to the loo. I do my business with the door closed so nothing really risky there.

Any way my view is hazed from a bad experience I assume so I’m probably in the minority. I’d want any 13yr old to be accompanied tbh.

Oh look a thread about toilets has brought the anti-trans brigade. What a fucking surprise.

PerfectlyDone that did make me smile

What do 13 year olds do if they are out without their parents: at the cinema, shopping with friends, at a party in a public place, on a school trip etc.? At what age does it become 'safe' for them to enter a toilet without an adult?

@TheLittleShirt

Men’s urinals are just there all out the in the open the moment you walk in. I can totally see why a father wouldn’t want to take his little girl into a men’s toilet. This is what disabled toilets are for in my opinion (hence why the baby hanger is always put in there).

I’d take my 10 year Old son into a women’s toilet if I had a reason to think the men’s was unsafe.

Children are just as (actually more) worth protecting as women are. I’d put the safety of a child, yes 13 is legally a child, first in almost any situation.

I think maybe if a boy that old needs his Mum to go into the loo with him - because of SN or visual impairment etc - the Mum should go into the gents with him.

Boys that old just can't be in the ladies.

Well this is eye opening for me. DS has autism and has a habit of striking up conversation with random strangers and struggles to tell what is /isnt appropriate. I absolutely cannot send him into mens toilets where I cannot follow to ensure his safety. Physically there is nothing about him to suggest any SN and I really don’t think it is necessary for us to block up a disabled toilet which is designed for people requiring hand rails and extra space just because some women are so bothered by the presence of a child in a toilet.

I cannot see my son’s ability to read social situations being any better at 13. Most people would not allow their female 13 year old child to be in a toilet unattended with unknown men but have no problem with male children of the same age being expected to “take care of themselves” . I’d love to know exactly what magic latent self defence mechanisms many of you think a 13 year old boy has to protect himself better than a 13 year old girl when faced with someone who does intend to do them harm??

So a boy cannot be in an enclosed cubicle in the ladies with his mum around because other women might be taking a pee? He's hardly going to pop his head over the top and take a bloody picture.

A girl might not want to change sanpro in an enclosed cubicle because a boy is there? How will the boy bloody know unless she's out waving a tampon around her head?

Boy is a danger whilst with his mother in a cubicle. Mother is safe in room with open cubicles, often as the only female?

*open urinals not open cubicles.

And normally when children are out as a peer group they attend the toilet together and not alone, whilst so young.

Wishing your son is fully entitled to use the disabled toilet - they are there for people who cannot access the ordinary facilities for whatever reason. After the age of 8 he has no business in the womens toilet.

No, a NT 13 year old male shouldn't be allowed in the women's loos.

But since women's spaces are a veritable Piccadilly Circus free-for-all these days, no reason to keep the lad out.

He should pile on in with the rest of the adult men to enjoy the last days of a facility that will doubtless soon be consigned to history as ALT GEN toilets take over everywhere.

Thanks so much Barbarian for telling me what my son can and cannot do. How would we function without your rules and regulations?
Just to clarify I will not now or in the future block up a toilet designed for someone with physical disabilities because some women can’t deal with a child in a bathroom, irrespective of your opinion.

A woman at an event I was at recently took her daughter into the ladies in front of me where the wee girl was then mistaken for a young male and was accosted by a rather rude & aggressive woman. The wee girl was gutted by this confrontation but regardless it made no difference this was a toilet people go in do their business, hopefully wash their hands and leave I’m really not sure what risk a young teenage boy posed to this woman. It’s a disgrace why are our male children classed as lesser human beings that don’t need as protected.

I really don’t think it’s appropriate to accompany a boy into a male toilet due to urinals I really don’t want to see that and I’m pretty sure most men would be uncomfortable and feel exposed so that’s why it has to be women’s and we are fortunate enough to have our privacy within a cubicle.

When does it stop, though? Sixteen? Or maybe a height restriction? Or when they have a certain length of moustache?

And what about the girls going into a loo by themselves? Being a teenage girl is awkward enough - going into a women's loo and finding a huge teenage boy is not going to be OK for many of them.

@WishingOnABar you are doing nothing wrong.