To think a 13 year old boy shouldn't use the ladies loo?

[NameChangeLulu]

NC for this. Recently I was in a situation where a group of people I was in went to a service station. A boy of 13 was told by his mother to come into the ladies with her rather than use the gents as it was safer.

AIBU to think that’s not OK?

13 is pretty old in my opinion. I had a job when I was 13 - definitely should be able to make a quick trip to the loo by yourself if no SN. I would be shocked if I saw a 13 YO boy in ladies toilets but would probably assume he had SN or had had an accident or something.

Barbarian these boys are with a parent or guardian they are not going to intimidate or sexually assault someone whilst they are there. At no point is anyone saying let 13yr old boy use ladies by themselves. If my dd was out with her father I’d not expect him to take her to the men’s due to lack of privacy nor would I expect him to just let her use the toilet by herself so the disabled would have to be the plan of action not great but safest choice for all parties.

@UsedtobeMarylebonemum it happens it really does it happened to my brother. I’m so glad you have pointed out an other case I was starting to think my brother was the only one obviously I know he isn’t Iv been sexually assaulted surprisingly never whilst their parents are present though.....weird that eh. You are not at risk from a young male with his mother in a ladies toilet unless they are both sexual predators.

DS is 12 and if I took him somewhere where I felt it was unsafe (I haven't felt intimidated by the several service stations we have visited though) then I would ask him to come in with me. My DS knows to keep his eyes down and to go straight in to cubicle and out again obviously washing hands too from the years of swimming lessons and getting changed in the female changing room.

@Maisypops my 3 year old goes to the loo independently at home-I guess I should start send him into the men's alone from now on

My 12 yo dd would be HORRIFIED to find a 13 yo boy in the women's toilets. If she knew there was one in there, she wouldn't go in herself. She is terrified of changing SP at school, in case someone hears the wrappers. And they are sex segregated

Male gaze innit

6 yo dd changes alone in the women's changing rooms, when she goes swimming with my dad. I am sure a 12 year old can manage to wee by himself

Barbarian my child, at 13, will be told it is safer to be in a group. I.e. go to the toilet at the same time as a friend(s). Therefore not as dangerous as alone.

If it were just us two and I deemed it unsafe then he'd come with me and he certainly wouldn't be encouraged to shout abuse and peep.

Come on then, what age is it safe to go alone to the toilet?

Horrified? I think your DD needs to get a grip. Slightly uncomfortable maybe but horrified is she usually so dramatic? please tell me I haven't got this kind of crap to look forward to with my DD

Yeah what all girls need is to get a grip and put the menz first some more

Fresta I still go to the toilet with someone if out at a club.

I think common sense dictates that we don't need to segregate toilets? There is nothing to see. There shouldn't be anything to see and no reason for anyone to behave any differently to each other than they would outside of the toilets.

For what it's worth its easy for people to get lost at a service station with people coming and going. The 13 year old boys DM may have been worried about getting separated rather than the fear of the men's toilets

Put men first? What a 13 year old child the same age as themselves who also needs to use the toilet in a safe environment?

Fresta I think the problem is there is no age in which it is safe. Women, the 13 yo's mother, didn't deem it safe, presumably she wouldn't feel safe using it herself. The issue is how to make that environment safer.

But it isn't putting men first. It's about ensuring our children are safe, as parents.

However because they are boys it's not okay.
It's only okay to keep daughters safe because our sons are sex pests even with us about, but heaven forbid someone needs to open a pad in a busy public loo with constant noise but can't because there may be a boy and he might hear.
No no no. Send the boys in to the dangerous male toilets, where many posters have talked about abuse, and then send the vulnerable women in with them.

Never!!! My friend got raped in a male loo after having his drink spiked. He killed himself several months later.

I was assaulted in a female toilet by an adult male during a work night out. Colleagues assumed it was consensual because he said so I recall the laughter and them saying to give us space

Also I know a female who fell asleep on a toilet really drunk and looking worse for wear and her female friends term used loosely circulated the lovely photos they took of her exposed and vulnerable.

These are all adult situations unfortunately mine all involve alcohol but I’m pretty sure others will have experiences as adults without it.

At our local gym (which is open to teens) men walk round the changing room naked, my teenager finds it intimidating and so won't go unless he can change in the disabled changing room. He wouldn't dream of using the women's room, nor would l let him but it's understandable to have some reservations I think,

It's pretty unusual to feel unsafe a service station toilet though, especially in the day when it's busy. I don't ever recall my DH not using the mens toilet because he felt unsafe.

Just curious. When do boys turn into men? When do they no longer belong in the women's toilets? 15? 18? 25?

Fresta is your husband a child?

Mustang, you have a lot of unfortunate experiences with toilets:
Your brother was flashed at,
You were assaulted,
Your friend was raped,
Another friend passed out and had naked phoned distributed around.
Wow!

Sailor, I was responding to someone who said it's never safe to go alone into a toilet!

Fresta really??? Wow yeah iv been pretty unlucky doubt all you like I couldn’t give two shits.

I’d normally be yanbu however there was a case near me of a 13 year old being assaulted, midday, in shopping Centre toilets. He had mild SN which wouldn’t have been obvious.

It made me rethink.

I never said the female photo’d was my friend I said I knew her that was all. Things like that tend to get about quickly. I know she was signed off for several months due to severe depression too but hey silly me for pointing out that even adults are vulnerable in toilets

My eldest ds is nearly 10 and for the majority of the time uses the men's room.

Occasionally though I will still insist (to much grumbling from him) that he comes in the ladies with me if I feel it is safer for him.

The most recent time was a few weeks back, in a busy restaurant, where there was a large group of blokes all looking rather worse for wear. Um yeah, I'm not sending my 9 year old to the toilet alone in that environment...I couldn't really care less if women in the ladies have an issue with that either to be frank.