Maid of Honor dictating hen party plans

[Nissan]

AIBU….

My brother is getting married next year. My family and I are very close to his fiance and I’m looking forward to being a part of the celebrations.

The bride’s MoH (a pretty close friend) has organised the hen.

All of the hens live in the same city…apart from the MoH…(important for later)

Last week, the MoH messaged everyone telling us all the plan that she is looking to arranging - two nights in a cottage with massage treatments & private dining experience.

This was the only option offered, with no chance of discussing other ideas.

Still, it all sounded ok until the cost came up (£2000 alone for the cottage for the 2 x nights), along with the fact it’s 20 minutes from the MoHs own home, and 150 miles away for the other 12 hens!

She’s a SAHM, and is saying the only time the cottage is free is on 2 x midweek nights, meaning all of us that work will have to take THREE DAYS annual leave?!

I said I’d have to think about it - she then told me the cottage has been booked and she’s put a deposit down, so “it’s happening anyway”. So she wasn't offering an option at all, she was telling me what was happening and how much I owe

I’m thinking she’s a major CF?!

Also…I’m thinking not many of the 12 will go for this plan, meaning the cost will be astronomical once it’s divided by like, 8 girls

My brother will be pretty upset if I don’t go. Should I just grin and bear the cost, seeing as she’s booked it already?

Can you talk to the other hen party participants and stage a coup?

I would lie through my teeth and tell them I had a work course to attend. Or similar.

You could have a weekend somewhere warm for that!!
Say no.

No way. She's basically picked something that she wants with no regard for anyone else. Can you speak to the other hens and tell her as a group that it won't work for you all?
She shouldn't have booked it without checking with everybody. 3 days A/L is a lot for a hen do.

No, speak to the bride and hijack it. Too bad if she's been daft enough to put a deposit down.

I had similar problems when I got married. My bridesmaid wanted to book an apartment in a city we all lived in for £££ and get a takeout. My lovely SIL came and told me what was happening so I could veto it and book a meal out instead. It was utterly bizarre asking people to spend so much.

Yeah of course it's only available mid week.... not just that it suits her better then?

Are there any other bridesmaids?
I wouldn't expect to contribute to hen party plans except for brainstorming dates and people's budgets if I was just a guest. Clearly she's not done that.
Mid week is ridiculous

You won't be the only one who cannot afford £500 (all in) and 3 days annual leave. I bet it won't happen.

"Sorry CF, no leave left and what with the cost of the venue, travel on top of the wedding, it just won't be do able. (Sad face). However we can do xx weekend half way, or here and you're welcome to stay at mine." Everyone sends variation on it.

Mid week is ridiculous and I doubt many people will be able to go - depending on how far in advance it is I suppose.
She sounds like a cf! x

Yes, if you can't get the others to rebel, you definitely need to have vital client meeting or unmissable training course.

In this instance I would pretend I had s work do or annual leave wasn't available.

Very selfish. One night for a hen is plenty. No need for a two grand house

No do.. Conference or something

'Hope you have a great time and sorry I can't make it. I will look to do something local and low key with Bridey'. She sounds ridiculous.

Gosh no - what a colossal twat.

Yeah, the answer would clearly be to book somewhere else that does have weekend dates ,not to plump for the weekday only one that is only convenient to her.

Have you spoken to any of the other hens about this to gauge their response? Maybe you need to stage a coup and all say this is not workable. She will need to suck up the deposit costs as she was silly enough to book something without checking out it worked for people.

Sounds over the top. But, has she spoken to the bride? I only ask as when I organised a hen do this year I presented a range of ideas and she chose the one she most wanted to do and that was the hen do told to everyone invited. We did keep it local and as low cost as we could and understood not everyone might attend. Shd has done the same for mine as well.

When she says, "it's happening anyway, " do you think she means that she will be expecting you to contribute even if you don't go?
I would tell her that you can't make it as you can't afford either the cost, or the time off work. Do this now, make sure the other hens know that you have done this and it may be some of them will do the same.

It sounds like a shit plan which is hopelessly inconvenient for anyone who actually has to go to work for an employer. she has fvcked up for sure - her silly fault for putting down the deposit without testing the water.

Just say you would love to attend something on a weekend but cant take 3 days off work.

p.s. forgot to say that the MoH wants this to be a surprise, so i cant approach the bride.

What Leeds2 said. And pass your apologies on to the bride, with the same reasons.

I would deffo say that I couldn’t take AL ( probably because I genuinely can’t outside of term-time like that). I would be sweetly and effusively apologetic of course .

Then I’d secretly delight in all that money I’d save, and offer to take the bride out for dinner separately (or, with all the other hens...)

Xpost but it'll be a shitty surprise with no friends on her hen.

Oh wow she's a CF alright, with bells and lights on!! I'd say sorry but due to the cost and precious nature of annual leave, I won't be able to attend - but I would arrange an afternoon tea or something more local for the Bride and offer it out to any of the other Hens to join in. That way, you won't offend your brother or the bride.