Maid of Honor dictating hen party plans

[Nissan]

AIBU….

My brother is getting married next year. My family and I are very close to his fiance and I’m looking forward to being a part of the celebrations.

The bride’s MoH (a pretty close friend) has organised the hen.

All of the hens live in the same city…apart from the MoH…(important for later)

Last week, the MoH messaged everyone telling us all the plan that she is looking to arranging - two nights in a cottage with massage treatments & private dining experience.

This was the only option offered, with no chance of discussing other ideas.

Still, it all sounded ok until the cost came up (£2000 alone for the cottage for the 2 x nights), along with the fact it’s 20 minutes from the MoHs own home, and 150 miles away for the other 12 hens!

She’s a SAHM, and is saying the only time the cottage is free is on 2 x midweek nights, meaning all of us that work will have to take THREE DAYS annual leave?!

I said I’d have to think about it - she then told me the cottage has been booked and she’s put a deposit down, so “it’s happening anyway”. So she wasn't offering an option at all, she was telling me what was happening and how much I owe

I’m thinking she’s a major CF?!

Also…I’m thinking not many of the 12 will go for this plan, meaning the cost will be astronomical once it’s divided by like, 8 girls

My brother will be pretty upset if I don’t go. Should I just grin and bear the cost, seeing as she’s booked it already?

So what's his comeback when you say your boss has refused to let you have the time off? I'd say I've been refused without even asking for it tbh. She sounds unhinged.

Well that really isn’t what you were looking for at all. What a useless reaction. I.D be speaking to the b2b.

It's not just the money though, it's the annual leave. What did you say to your brother when he said he'd pay?

IClavdivs you guessed it

Where on earth has she booked that only has weeknights free 6 months in advance?!

I booked a house for the weekend in central Brighton for my hen do, for a full weekend only a month in advance...£1800 for 3 nights for 14 of us. This worked well as people could pick and choose how many nights they wanted to do and work around childcare and annual leave.

Perhaps she should shop around a bit more!

Does he realise he will be forking out for rent, food and massages? (I bet he doesn't know how much the latter are).

Just say you can't get the time off.
(I bet when it comes to it, he won't pay up).

@IClavdivs and @FlaviaAlbia, fellow Falcon fans?

I agree with Bhaji. Just the ll your DB that you can’t get the time off. He is being as thoughtless as the MoH.

It's sounding more now like this is what the bride has requested.

Why does everyone keep banging on about three days' annual leave? It's a two-night booking, so as I said before, you arrive on evening 1 (after work), stay for day and evening 2 and depart on morning 3 (and go to work). That's one day's leave required.

With all the cottages I've stayed in we were not allowed to arrive before 4pm and were expected to be gone by 11am, so presumably all of the activities will be planned for the evening of day 1 and day/evening 2.

"depart on morning 3 (and go to work)."

It's 150 miles away. I doubt that I would want to get up early enough to allow for a 150 mile drive for an 8.30 start.

Errr no there is no 'must' coming from one adult to another.

What there could be is your brother very politely asking you to please agree to go and he will cover the costs, which INCLUDES THREE DAYS UNPAID LEAVE.

Tell him you will go if he covers the costs- being clear that you'll have to see if you can even take unpaid leave for three days. Warn him too that the costs per person could end up a lot more.

And remind him that actually, you are the least of his problems. That it's very likely that quite a few people are just going to say they can't make it because of this plan, and if he's worried about his DF having a crap time, he'd be better off directing his energies at MOH and telling her to stop being such an idiot, rather than concentrating on you.

Your brother can get to fuck IMO.

FFS-is your brother going to pay for everyone? Plus compensating them for 3 day’s work?

Please don’t go. You have a work course that week that’s already been paid for...

@Andylion definitely! Especially love the new series.

Gosh that’s not what I was expecting from your brother. I would definitely say no, this a ridiculous plan.

It's a ridiculous plan and the money is only part of the reason why you're not keen. I've no doubt your brother wants this to be a great time for his fiancee but throwing money at it isn't going to remove the resentment.

Be brave, stick your neck out and be blunt with the moh. It's so rude to expect everyone to travel to her and take up precious annual leave.

I bet anything people will drop out closer to the time once the full cost starts to dawn on everyone. It's best to get in first.

Andylion: fellow Falcon fans?

Yes, I was sad when the series finished, but Lindsey Davis at least tied up loose ends for most of the characters.

I avoided the Flavia Albia series as I got the impression from somewhere that they were YA books (probably thought Davis was going to go straight into them from "Nemesis" with a 17 years old FA). Anyway, I read "The Spook Who Spoke" and realised that they weren't, and have read the first two over the last couple of days.

However, still miss Falco and Petronius, etc.

Just say NO.
NO to the cost, even though DB said he'd pay. It's a bloody stupid idea that will cost a fortune!
NO to the loss of AL. You've earned those days to do with as you please, not for what you are TOLD to do!
NO to the inconvenience of the extra travelling involved.
And NO to the CFMoHZILLA!

JUST NO!!

What are you going to do, OP?

Is everyone quite wealthy?