Maid of Honor dictating hen party plans

[Nissan]

AIBU….

My brother is getting married next year. My family and I are very close to his fiance and I’m looking forward to being a part of the celebrations.

The bride’s MoH (a pretty close friend) has organised the hen.

All of the hens live in the same city…apart from the MoH…(important for later)

Last week, the MoH messaged everyone telling us all the plan that she is looking to arranging - two nights in a cottage with massage treatments & private dining experience.

This was the only option offered, with no chance of discussing other ideas.

Still, it all sounded ok until the cost came up (£2000 alone for the cottage for the 2 x nights), along with the fact it’s 20 minutes from the MoHs own home, and 150 miles away for the other 12 hens!

She’s a SAHM, and is saying the only time the cottage is free is on 2 x midweek nights, meaning all of us that work will have to take THREE DAYS annual leave?!

I said I’d have to think about it - she then told me the cottage has been booked and she’s put a deposit down, so “it’s happening anyway”. So she wasn't offering an option at all, she was telling me what was happening and how much I owe

I’m thinking she’s a major CF?!

Also…I’m thinking not many of the 12 will go for this plan, meaning the cost will be astronomical once it’s divided by like, 8 girls

My brother will be pretty upset if I don’t go. Should I just grin and bear the cost, seeing as she’s booked it already?

Yeah, my MoH said that too, because she knew I wouldn't be happy with it but she wanted it... I was very glad my SIL told me, I would have been mortified that my friends had been asked for what she wanted.

I am guessing she knows the person who lets this place and is getting herself a freebie and thinking the rest of you will pay. I'm afraid I would tell the bride the rough outline and ask if she's okay with it, unless the others are also happy to tell MOH to get to fuck.

Not a fucking hope in hell would I go. Act now before you get stung for extra. The only reason the cf will get away with it is if you and the others don't call her out and your brother would be mad if he couldn't see how cheeky moh is being

I'd mention it to your brother and let him decide whether to tell the bride.....it sounds ridiculous and I bet hardly anyone will want to go

Course she wants it to be a surprise, it means she gets away with it. Text her and your brother now so someone can call her out on it. Do it for your SIL too because as it stands it just be her and the moh at the hen and that would be awful

She's an eejit. Are you in touch with any of the others? I'd be interested in what everyone else thought.

Dear Bride, I know MOH wants your hen do to be a surprise so I won't tell you what isn't happening, however what she says she has booked is not possible for me to attend so I'm letting you know I won't be there and if you'd like to do something together I'd love too so let me know

There's a reason why she wants it to be a surprise for the bride - so that you don't challenge her!

Speak to the bride!

Aye I'll bet she wants it to be a fucking surprise!! Tell the bride anyway, you can't let this lunacy go ahead. I'd be horrified if my MoH happily spent hundreds of other people's money without consulting them first. And midweek! How is the bride going to not know about it if she'll also presumably need 3 days AL?

Elephants suggestion is perfect.

I would tell her that you can't make it as you can't afford either the cost, or the time off work. Do this now, make sure the other hens know that you have done this and it may be some of them will do the same.

Yes, send a group email/text saying that you can't get time off mid week. I bet the others will be happy that someone else has responded first and will send similar regrets.

Is this last minute or something? Is that why she has paid a deposit (in a panic?) without consulting anyone?

I would reply and say, "Thanks for looking into things and the cottage looks very nice. However, if you had consulted us before paying the deposit, I would have told you that I am unable to take annual leave then. I would have thought it would be preferable to find somewhere that is available over a weekend and perhaps closer to X. I don't mind researching some options. However, if it really can't be changed, I'll have to give the hen do a miss and arrange to do something low key with bride another time."

Gherkin has a point. When I got married I needed all my annual leave for the few days lead up to the wedding & honeymoon. I couldn't have swanned off for another 3 days midweek.

Oh wow in that case total CF! Yes Im sure it would be lovely but has that amount of money to throw away on a hen party??? I'd have to mention to your brother and see if there was anyway he could speak to the bride

I wouldn't be involving the bride or groom as that's not fair on them, I'd just tell MOH you can't get the annual leave so you're out. What can she do?

If it goes ahead (unlikely sounding to me - will the other hens really commit to a midweek costing £££?) I'd tell SIL-to-be you'd love to take her on a local night out one weekend (or a spa day if she's not a boozer) to make up for it.

Oh god I'd just step in and over ride her.

Hi MoH

I think a lot of people are going to struggle to get the time off work for a mid-week hen do!

Why don't you try and get the deposit back and we can look for comething cheaper, nearer the bride and also that's available at the weekend.

It would be a shame if bride has a really low turn out due to annual leave restrictions.

These three places have availability on x weekend and are £x each.
Link 1
Link 2
Link 3

What do people think? Keen for a weekend?

Lots of love.

What happens if the bride can't get the time off work?

NFW I'd go along with this lunacy. I'd tell the bride. 'Ever so sorry I cannot make it to your hen party. Unfortunately I could not get 3 days annual leave from work at that time and budgeting constraints make it beyond my means,' or some other nonsense like that.

I don't know SilverSpot, my hen do was the least of the wierd things my MoH did around my wedding, so I was pretty happy to know I had had my SIL onside helping me rein her in. She went back to her normal self after my wedding was over. It was bizarre.

Fabulous suggestions already - none of them nasty and all of them gives a solution. So...

Meet the other hens in the pub, talk it over. I bet they would be up for a coup too. Deffo cf

When did Hen dos become such expensive affairs??

I had a night out at a local restaurant.

I feel really sorry for the bride here, has she known MoH a long time? Surely it's the MoH's job to organise something the bride would be happy with?

Silver has it I think.

Don't go along with this. This virtual stranger has absolutely no business allocating your annual leave for you like that. Who does she think she is?!
Tell her no politely but firmly like Silver said.

What @SilverSpot said (not sure I'd have the balls though!)

I agree with @Leeds2, she is spot on.
There is not a cat in hells chance, I would accept this.