Maid of Honor dictating hen party plans

[Nissan]

AIBU….

My brother is getting married next year. My family and I are very close to his fiance and I’m looking forward to being a part of the celebrations.

The bride’s MoH (a pretty close friend) has organised the hen.

All of the hens live in the same city…apart from the MoH…(important for later)

Last week, the MoH messaged everyone telling us all the plan that she is looking to arranging - two nights in a cottage with massage treatments & private dining experience.

This was the only option offered, with no chance of discussing other ideas.

Still, it all sounded ok until the cost came up (£2000 alone for the cottage for the 2 x nights), along with the fact it’s 20 minutes from the MoHs own home, and 150 miles away for the other 12 hens!

She’s a SAHM, and is saying the only time the cottage is free is on 2 x midweek nights, meaning all of us that work will have to take THREE DAYS annual leave?!

I said I’d have to think about it - she then told me the cottage has been booked and she’s put a deposit down, so “it’s happening anyway”. So she wasn't offering an option at all, she was telling me what was happening and how much I owe

I’m thinking she’s a major CF?!

Also…I’m thinking not many of the 12 will go for this plan, meaning the cost will be astronomical once it’s divided by like, 8 girls

My brother will be pretty upset if I don’t go. Should I just grin and bear the cost, seeing as she’s booked it already?

Don't even wait for work

"Actually just checked my annual leave and if it's mid week you will have to count me out. I don't have a spare three days. To be honest a mid week hen is a bit unusual, I hope others aren't in the same boat, it would be a shame if x had a low turn out because of it"

Then to your brother:
"Heads up, moh has booked a mid week hen, I can't go as don't have a spare 3 days leave. But I am telling you this as its midweek, 150 miles away, super expensive and if numbers drop it will be astronomical so it has disaster written all over it. It's a shame I can't go but I am more worried about x having a disaster of a hen so giving you the heads up"

I would be telling her to shove her deposit where the sun doesn't shine! But that's mainly because I hate being told what to do instead of being asked for my opinion at least.

Defo a CF. Why do stag and hen dos these days have to be extravagant affairs? Hire a cottage, go abroad, do Las Vegas??! Load of bollocks. I had a meal and a good old fashioned night out.

🍿I’m blatantly placemarking

What in the hell does. CF mean? It's driving me crazy and the acronym list is no help at all.

A bunch of women sitting around in a cottage sounds really boring too. I hope she has some dancing planned and a restaurant.

FFS, tell the bride! I would be SO pissed off if all this was going on behind my back and no-one gave me the chance to sort it out. Hardly anyone actually likes surprises anyway, they just have to smile weakly and go along with it so they don't get accused of being a control freak bridezilla. Seriously, I really think she'd want to know. Especially given the booking leave on her behalf thing. (And, wtf?! I'd really like to think my boss would tell them to fuck off).

What cabbage said

Cheeky Fucker.

CF - cheeky 😝 fuck.....I think?

Is there a group chat?

I would put in there that you are struggling with leave and prefer weekend, this leaves door open for others to follow.

I don't believe she has put deposit down. Anyone who's ever arranged a hen knows you need money first to confirm numbers.

I would say though that a cottage to sleep 12 could easily be £2000 for 2 nights. They normally have a minimum stay and 2 nights is 50-75% of a weeks stay price.

I did a cottage for 12 outside of Bath and it came to £1600.

Thanks. I would also bow out of such an event. Too expensive and not worth the vacation days.

This is really unreasonable. I would be mega annoyed if I had to travel 150 miles to a hen, especially mid-week. However, if a load of other people all started agreeing then I would probably conform and be just really bitter about it.

If you suck it up, you’ll probably end up enjoying it in the end. I wonder if the reason it’s mid-week as it’s easier for childcare for her.

If I was the bride in this situation I would want to know. I wanted people to look forward to mine and I’d have hated the thought that people weren’t wanting to go.

I have to placemark to see what you reply. I love a CF hen do thread

I wonder if the reason it’s mid-week as it’s easier for childcare for her

What's the betting that it's the opposite? She'll not be able to get childcare, because it's during the week, so will need to bring the kids with her. 😁

ManchesterGin so do I they're the best

Aaaaand we have a MaidZilla!

PovertyPain OMG - I wonder if it'll be like the massively CF friend of bride who brought her toddler and husband to the beautiful barn hen w/e a month or 2 ago?

👀

there's a HOUSE from me foogirl

Is she planning to invite her DH and infant DC?

It would be a big fat NO from me.

And you need to tell your brother asap. Let him break the news to his bride to be that her MOH has lost the plot and is well on the way to blowing her hen party and pissing off all her bridesmaids and friends.

I had a hen do situation not dissimilar to this. They totally changed the plans from a weekend in a town near London (where most people lived) and could go just for a day and/or night and not cost too much, to a country house with loads of activities and “we’ve paid already so if you could all transfer £200 now that’d be great”. Loads of hens dropped out and the bridesmaids had to foot the difference.

Ignoring the cost and annual leave issues, that hen do sounds really boring. Maybe I'm reading it wrong, but is it just two days of sitting around and then a dinner? Would the bride be into that?