Maid of Honor dictating hen party plans

[Nissan]

AIBU….

My brother is getting married next year. My family and I are very close to his fiance and I’m looking forward to being a part of the celebrations.

The bride’s MoH (a pretty close friend) has organised the hen.

All of the hens live in the same city…apart from the MoH…(important for later)

Last week, the MoH messaged everyone telling us all the plan that she is looking to arranging - two nights in a cottage with massage treatments & private dining experience.

This was the only option offered, with no chance of discussing other ideas.

Still, it all sounded ok until the cost came up (£2000 alone for the cottage for the 2 x nights), along with the fact it’s 20 minutes from the MoHs own home, and 150 miles away for the other 12 hens!

She’s a SAHM, and is saying the only time the cottage is free is on 2 x midweek nights, meaning all of us that work will have to take THREE DAYS annual leave?!

I said I’d have to think about it - she then told me the cottage has been booked and she’s put a deposit down, so “it’s happening anyway”. So she wasn't offering an option at all, she was telling me what was happening and how much I owe

I’m thinking she’s a major CF?!

Also…I’m thinking not many of the 12 will go for this plan, meaning the cost will be astronomical once it’s divided by like, 8 girls

My brother will be pretty upset if I don’t go. Should I just grin and bear the cost, seeing as she’s booked it already?

Chrys2017 I suppose it depends what your friends are into. An average of £50 for a night out in a restaurant and a few drinks in a bar seems more usual to me.

But anyway, that maths you did is purely for accommodation only. Food and activities for 3 days will surely double it?

The 2k was for the cottage only, not including the private dining etc.

I will point out that this may just be the start of all kinds of nonsense. She will have activities in mind, plus the food and drink. You may be asked to pay for the bride too...

Just say no. Now.

Blatant placemarking, sorry.

This is scoring so high on my bingo card

🍿

I am pretty sympathetic to extravagant hen dos but even I’d be giving this one a major swerve.

And she’s booked annual leave with the bride’s boss without checking with her?! Bloody liberty!

Hosting it from her neck of the woods is a huge piss take.

...as for taking 3 days from the bride's AL without permission, that's next level brass balls behaviour

Organizing an event with input from 12 people is nigh-on impossible

Organizing an event with no input from 12 people is foolish.

The MoH has gone behind brides back and spoke to her boss.

I wonder how the bride will feel about that?

I'm surprised that five hens have confirmed.

If this happened to me i think I would have to call my brother and innocently tell him how worried I was that I couldn't go and why. With emphasis on how i didnt want to let the bride down but......

chrys2017 are you the MOH?

Well in my books SIL trumps MOH! Just be prepared that if you fail to speak up or inform bride you may be in a no win situation as she will see it that you were fully aware of the plans & at no point did you think this was out of line- especially the booking of AL behind Bride's back I would probably check that one is ok... I mean are they not planning a honeymoon? And possibly afew days before wedding already? I would imagine that could be the deal breaker for Bride.

Most hens I've been on have cost about £400-500 but have without fail been over a weekend. I absolutely would not contemplate going on a midweek hen! If anything that ought to be cheaper!

OP just say you can't go. Now. Can't think why there wasn't an app group for people to say yes/no. And the fact it's 150 miles away for most of you but not the organiser is just ludicrous.

I wouldn’t go on a midweek hen, my annual leave is for family

I can't really get my head round the fuckwittage of 2 nights for 2 grand. I mean a 7 days in a luxury Tuscan villa is 4 grand and that's with a swimming pool.

I can only infer the owner is a mate.

If the MOH- Zilla has already paid the deposit, she could, always, you know.....

......Cancel the cheque.

looks round the room, did I hear a HOUSE from the bingo crowd? 😜

I can't see how she's going to keep it a "surprise" from the bride if she's also going to have to book time off work midweek and travel 150 miles to god knows where.

I still say tell the bride the gist of it. The others might have agreed but be very resentful. When you say no others might follow suit or they may even back out if they've confirmed. Don't worry about them though, although the bride need to know roughly what's happening otherwise as a pp mentioned, you might get the blame for not saying anything.

I.e. the bride will have to book time off etc

Have you had a sneaky look to see if the cottage is actually fully booked over close by weekends?

Either stage a coup (risky) or just say you have no annual leave left !

@RuggerHug LOL. No. But I did make the mistake of asking for input from a group of people on a party once...

Gosh I think you have to say no immediately. If MoH is stupid enough to book somewhere without confirming everyone is happy with it then that’s her business. But don’t prolong the inevitable. If there’s no chance you’re going then say so ASAP.

I’d reply now rather than putting it off any longer and risk seeing more acceptances & feeling obliged to say yes.
“oh dear moh you’ll have to count me out. gutted I can’t make it but I don’t have enough leave to have 3 days off for a hen do and if accommodation alone is this much, it’s going to be way over my budget. If you do decide to rearrange for a weekend and can find somewhere cheaper (& nearer to the 11 other hens and bride) count me in

What sort of 'cottage' costs £1000 a night?

If a family went there for two weeks it would cost £14k.

Check on the internet if it really costs that.

Chrys so did I for a hen but you give options and don't put the travel hassle on everyone but yourself. And going behind the bride's back to speak to her boss is waaaaaay out of line!