Maid of Honor dictating hen party plans

[Nissan]

AIBU….

My brother is getting married next year. My family and I are very close to his fiance and I’m looking forward to being a part of the celebrations.

The bride’s MoH (a pretty close friend) has organised the hen.

All of the hens live in the same city…apart from the MoH…(important for later)

Last week, the MoH messaged everyone telling us all the plan that she is looking to arranging - two nights in a cottage with massage treatments & private dining experience.

This was the only option offered, with no chance of discussing other ideas.

Still, it all sounded ok until the cost came up (£2000 alone for the cottage for the 2 x nights), along with the fact it’s 20 minutes from the MoHs own home, and 150 miles away for the other 12 hens!

She’s a SAHM, and is saying the only time the cottage is free is on 2 x midweek nights, meaning all of us that work will have to take THREE DAYS annual leave?!

I said I’d have to think about it - she then told me the cottage has been booked and she’s put a deposit down, so “it’s happening anyway”. So she wasn't offering an option at all, she was telling me what was happening and how much I owe

I’m thinking she’s a major CF?!

Also…I’m thinking not many of the 12 will go for this plan, meaning the cost will be astronomical once it’s divided by like, 8 girls

My brother will be pretty upset if I don’t go. Should I just grin and bear the cost, seeing as she’s booked it already?

OP - let your brother pay as I bet loads drop out and your share goes up!

Didn't see that coming. What about having to take three days off?

And now you're guilt-tripped into paying yourself. I'd fall back on not being able to get time off if I were you.

Send him an itemised bill in advance. Include the outfits you will need, shoes, spending money, all the cash moh is asking for ASAP. Bet he tells you no way.

You must go?!

Bloody hell. Make him pay. That is if you can get the time off work (and still have enough leave left over for what you actually want to do)

To be fair to your brother he's probably just thinking he wants his fiancée to have a lovely time. But given a few choice facts hopefully he'll realise how cheeky this all is

Make him pay for your lost annual leave, too :)

Definitely bill him for the unpaid leave that you’ll need to take...

Time off work can't be compensated financially as far as I'm concerned. No deal.0

Nope. You don't go. You weren't consulted, any of you and the cost is crazy. Is this what the bride wants? Liaise with the other hens for a night away on a weekend, or just a really good night in the town you live in. Or a good spa day. Let those who fancy a 300 mile trip at huge cost midweek sort out the megabill between them.

But you can’t go if your boss doesn’t approve AL.

Absolutely not.

You fo not get ordered to take three days of leave.

She most certainly is a CF.
And your brother isn't helping by letting her get away with it by paying.
The point is it's inconveniencing everyone except herself. She didn't check with anyone etc.
How many have confirmed now? Only 5 still?
Has anyone said they can't?

Your boss may deny that annual leave...

Does your brother normally expect to make decisions for you in how to run your life? Does he think this insane hen party sounds NORMAL?

I'd definitely mention it to the bride - as pp have said, mentioning the fact it's using up 3 days leave and is 150 miles away is not spoiling the surprise. A whatsapp group will also work well, then you can politely point out the illogical choices the MOH has made in a very polite way: "Any chance we could get something a bit closer? Not sure I can take that much annual leave..." If the other hens see one dissenter they might feel bold enough to join you. (And as someone said upthread, those who have alread confirmed will see their share of the payment going up and might have second thoughts. Although I'd be interested to know dfor sure if they've actualy confirmed or of this info is coming from MOH.)

If they're all as mad as each other and think it sounds perfectly reasonable, I'd definitely blame an essential work project making it impossibe to get the time off. Good luck OP!

This sounds so ba as to be unbelievable. OP are you sure you are not being joshed. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Your brother sounds like an idiot.

I still wouldn't go.

It's completely unreasonable and ridiculous.

Can you get the time off OP? If so, go & ask your brother to pay.
I actually think he's trying to smooth things over. Maybe he wants you & his wife to be to have a good time together despite this stupid CF woman?

Don't give in.

State you are not using 3 days leave on this and stick to it.

Don't go, arrange your own thing ;)

Can the bride get the time off???

If anyone told me I must go, that would make me more determined not to go.

Are they all particularly high earners?

Yeah, no... my brother telling me what to do didn’t work when I was six, sure as hell wouldn’t work now.

Do not allow people to obligate you to their craziness. Three days annual leave is absolutely unreasonable to demand of a hen do guest. It’s not a “money issue”.

You don’t want to go and then spend the whole time resenting being there... it will not be an enjoyable atmosphere as you will all be sat there passive aggressively wishing bad things upon the MoH as punishment for such a shitty, inconvenient expense

FlaviaAlbia: An average of £50 for a night out in a restaurant and a few drinks in a bar seems more usual to me.

I know, you'd organise a chickpea breakfast at the Stargazer. (Sorry, I can't help it - guess what I'm reading at the moment.)

WTAF! Tell your brother to fuck off. I'd speak to the bride directly.

I don’t think your brother gets the point darling.