Maid of Honor dictating hen party plans

[Nissan]

AIBU….

My brother is getting married next year. My family and I are very close to his fiance and I’m looking forward to being a part of the celebrations.

The bride’s MoH (a pretty close friend) has organised the hen.

All of the hens live in the same city…apart from the MoH…(important for later)

Last week, the MoH messaged everyone telling us all the plan that she is looking to arranging - two nights in a cottage with massage treatments & private dining experience.

This was the only option offered, with no chance of discussing other ideas.

Still, it all sounded ok until the cost came up (£2000 alone for the cottage for the 2 x nights), along with the fact it’s 20 minutes from the MoHs own home, and 150 miles away for the other 12 hens!

She’s a SAHM, and is saying the only time the cottage is free is on 2 x midweek nights, meaning all of us that work will have to take THREE DAYS annual leave?!

I said I’d have to think about it - she then told me the cottage has been booked and she’s put a deposit down, so “it’s happening anyway”. So she wasn't offering an option at all, she was telling me what was happening and how much I owe

I’m thinking she’s a major CF?!

Also…I’m thinking not many of the 12 will go for this plan, meaning the cost will be astronomical once it’s divided by like, 8 girls

My brother will be pretty upset if I don’t go. Should I just grin and bear the cost, seeing as she’s booked it already?

Have you sent a message yet OP? Or contacted one of the other hens?

She is being absolutely ridiculous btw.

Don't send silvers message or anything telling her what she's done wrong or that could come across as criticism. Not your job to help or sort it out and will wind up the CF and you will get the blame if it falls apart.

Just decline giving your reasons of cost and Annual Leave and distance. And tell the bride yourself, first.

Stick to the time off work as tricky time etc. Suggest alternative get together, obvs not a hen but a pre or post hen for you and bride. Send email / wassap and be all innocent about it.

It would be unreasonable for you to go along with this!! Talk to other hens and day this isn't going to work. 3 days annual leave is ridiculous even without cost! Stand up to her and if all else fails just come up with an excuse not to go, like not enough annual leave left.

And once you've said you can't go to CF, contact bride and say, "really sorry can't make hen do as just don't have annual leave for it. Maybe we can get together for drinks the weekend after"

It's not 'all decided' if you all disagree. Get together with the others and all gang up to say no. It's also worth pointing out that the bride herself may have trouble getting leave for her own midweek hen do as it'll be at very short notice, and she'll also be going on honeymoon, presumably.

If you can afford it and can get the annual leave then go. MoH job to organise everything. I think everyone is being a bit sneaky with private WhatsApp groups. I literally don't understand why people can't just be honest!!??

She’s bonkers.
Y to setting up a whatsapp with the others and putting forward alternative suggestions.
I’d be very surprised if anyone else wanted to go midweek so there’s very little chance MoH will get away with this ridiculousness.

If it involves 3 days off work, how can she not be telling the bride?🤔

Sits down next to KeepServingTheDrinks to share her popcorn and bingo card. Love a MOH-Zilla thread

Bloody hell.

If it had been agreed and you were all happy about it then fair enough but just to go ahead and spend other peoples money and basically say lump it is so far past the point of being cheeky.

Think shes in for a rude awakening when she loses her deposit...

The WhatsApp group wouldn’t be private - it would be all hens including MoH

MOH-Zilla

Not placemarking at all.

Let you us know what you send her!

The WhatsApp group wouldn’t be private - it would be all hens including MoH
I see!

Tough shit about the bride not knowing. She'll guess when no one is coming on her hen night. Seriously I'd be telling her what's going on. The MOH is taking the piss to suit herself.

Just say I'm sorry I assumed this was a weekend thing being a hen do and all I can't get the time off might teach her a lesson for not consulting others op

I don't think the MOH is being as unreasonable as everyone is making out. Some thoughts:

1. Where does the bride live? The venue might have been arranged with her convenience as a top priority, rather than the attendees.
2. £2k divided by 12 people is £167 each. Even allowing for some additional charges, I don't think I've ever attended a hen event that cost less than that—after being expected to fork out for champagne, limousines, expensive restaurants, (reluctantly) contribute towards the cost of a male stripper (tacky!), attend a spa, go to a nightclub and buy the requisite pink clothing that I normally wouldn't be caught dead in...
3. If the cottage is booked for two nights presumably you can work on Day 1, arrive at the cottage on Evening 1 after work, do all the hen stuff on Day/Evening 2 and then (if you really wanted to) get up early on Day 3 and go to work. So, only one day's holiday booking required.
4. Organizing an event with input from 12 people is nigh-on impossible, and once you have asked, people get miffed if you don't implement their suggestions. So I think the MOH was wise to decide on the agenda herself. And as others have suggested, she might have even consulted the bride on this. In any case, as she's the MOH she presumably knows the bride well enough to know what she would like to do?

Personally I would rather spend an evening in a nice cottage having treatments with a group of friends then take part in the usual (aforementioned) hen party crap!

No - you definitely should not have to grin and bear that! She can’t just book something like that and demand payment. I think maybe the MoH role has gone to her head and she’s lost the plot a bit!!!

Just back:
‘LOL, I’m not taking three days of my annual leave, travelling 150 miles and forking out the best part £500. I’ll arrange something with the bride in our home town. Have fun.’

Omg thanks - so many helpful suggestions! Good to know I'm not alone here thinking she's a cheeky B.
Ive told her ill have to check with work... 5 of the other hens have confirmed. This has been arranged for april. The MoH has gone behind brides back and spoke to her boss.

I think that you should tell to the other girls and boycott althogether and book and alternative.

"£2k divided by 12 people is £167 each. Even allowing for some additional charges, I don't think I've ever attended a hen event that cost less than that"

Every hen do I have attended has cost far less than that - because every one I have attended has been a meal out and a few drinks.

I agree with everyone else about being straight with the MOH and telling her it doesn't work for you - money wise and time off work wise.

What have the other hens said?

More people need to start saying no to this shit. What a liberty!