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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Choose family wedding over my child's communion.

325 replies

miaows · 16/10/2017 15:40

My youngest is making her communion next year. Just found out a close family member has booked her wedding the same day. Would I BU to go to the wedding and have her Dad do the communion. We are separated so we were planning on having parties on different days. I can have her party for my side when I come back on the following weekend. I talked to her about it and she's seems ok with this. All my family will probably go to the wedding. It is abroad as she lives there. I will be gone for the whole weekend. I just have this niggling guilt because I won't be there for her special day.

OP posts:
tunnelBear · 16/10/2017 15:42

This reply has been deleted

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DunkMeInTomatoSoup · 16/10/2017 15:43

No one should come before your child.

What you mean is: all my family are going to a wedding, and I fancy the party and a spot of sunshine.

CherieBabySpliffUp · 16/10/2017 15:44

Can you not reschedule the communion?

lou1221 · 16/10/2017 15:44

Could you not change the date of the communion? In my school they are over 3 weekends. As much as I would want yo go to the wedding, my child would come first and it's their special day.

LushBlitzer · 16/10/2017 15:46

Personally I'd pick my daughter's day over a family member. I'd expect the adult family member to understand this and not get upset over it.

Also, if you don't, will it become a bone of contention over the years? Will she think her dad loves her more than her mum?

Original poster
miaows · 16/10/2017 15:48

No the communion is on one day only. It is in a cold country so no sun either. My kids come first in everything but for the sake of 1 hour in a church and then having a party none of my family can go to i really am thinking if sticking to this plan. I've exhausted all options. Dates are set flight times are a no go too.

OP posts:
DobbyLovesSocks · 16/10/2017 15:49

I find it odd you are prioritising a family member over your child. It is an important occasion for her and she will remember her mum not being there to witness it. Are you religious OP?
Tunnelbear that's quite an offensive comment, whose to say the couple won't be divorced in a year or two? No guarantees are there?

Original poster
miaows · 16/10/2017 15:50

It's a big family wedding my whole family will go. There will be no one at her party as we are separated. This was she has all her dad's side on her big day and then mine the following weekend.

OP posts:
liz70 · 16/10/2017 15:51

Your daughter should come first IMO. Although I would see if you could schedule her FHC for an alternative weekend, as suggested earlier. If not, then I think it should take precedence. Your relative should understand. What if you couldn't afford to travel abroad for the wedding? Not everyone is in a position to.

Original poster
miaows · 16/10/2017 15:51

No Dobby I'm not religious on her dad's side.

OP posts:
MitchellMummy · 16/10/2017 15:52

I'd stay for the child's communion.

lou1221 · 16/10/2017 15:52

can you not change the communion date?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 16/10/2017 15:52

Which one of you is the catholic? You or your ex?

liz70 · 16/10/2017 15:53

Sorry, CP with OP.

Skarossinkplunger · 16/10/2017 15:53

Do you actually go to church on a Sunday?

Welwyncitydweller · 16/10/2017 15:53

Why not arrange a separate communion with your priest on a different day? My niece was baptised as a catholic at 9 so did her communion a year later than normal during the Sunday service in the church she worshipped in. You’d be surrounded by the people you normally worship with so that would be extra special

Rachie1973 · 16/10/2017 15:54

If the religious ceremony is for her DFs benefit then I'd go to the wedding.

Original poster
miaows · 16/10/2017 15:55

100% neither date can be changed. This family member would be equivalent as a sister to me. Also she would understand if if I didn't go. It's just all my family will be out of the country too. If I stayed there would be very few at her party. This way she has a party with her dad's side. I'm really torn.

OP posts:
Tilapia · 16/10/2017 15:56

If it's your ex who is the religious one and you are not then I think YANBU.

Original poster
miaows · 16/10/2017 15:56

I don't go to church my ex is religious.

OP posts:
RainbowPastel · 16/10/2017 15:57

Your child should be before everything. I can't believe you are thinking of not going. You have to go to the Communion.

Skarossinkplunger · 16/10/2017 15:58

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NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 16/10/2017 15:59

The catholic parent should be responsible for their childs religious education IMO so if that's your ex then its fine to let him take her. However, you don't say you're not a catholic, only that you don't go to church - so if you are a catholic you absolutely should be there and if you're not, it's fine to leave her dad to sort it.

Rachie1973 · 16/10/2017 15:59

My child comes before everything..... when necessary. A communion that is about an ex's beliefs doesn't need to.

Skyatdawn99 · 16/10/2017 16:00

Nope my daughter would come first sorry.
None of your family are even going, the poor mite. She must feel so loved Hmm