Choose family wedding over my child's communion.

[miaows]

My youngest is making her communion next year. Just found out a close family member has booked her wedding the same day. Would I BU to go to the wedding and have her Dad do the communion. We are separated so we were planning on having parties on different days. I can have her party for my side when I come back on the following weekend. I talked to her about it and she's seems ok with this. All my family will probably go to the wedding. It is abroad as she lives there. I will be gone for the whole weekend. I just have this niggling guilt because I won't be there for her special day.

If you are not religious OP then the significance behind her first communion may be lost on you. Having said that, the fact that you aren't, your attendance will mean that much more to her. I was confirmed as an adult and my mum travelled down to witness it together with my hubby and it meant so much to me.
Would your daughter be invited to the wedding or is it a weekend that your Ex-partner would have her? Is it possible to change the date of her communion? It may be that the church only hold first communions once or twice a year so if she misses this occasion she may have to wait a bit to do it again (I had six weekly prep sessions prior to being confirmed)

Don't let people guilt trip you into not going. Only you know whether your daughter would be bothered about you missing it or not - if she's alright with this then I would trust her. FWIW I know my son wouldn't care if I missed his first communion whereas for my daughter it would be a big deal. Only you know your own circumstances!

I am not a Catholic.

I don't think your daughter will be upset you aren't there - her dad and all that side of the family will be.

As your daughter's fine with it and it's her dad's side who is religious, then I think you're absolutely fine to go to the wedding. How big a thing is it for your daughter?

Communion is not a ' freaky mock wedding to the imaginary being.' And you are being quite offensive. In MN speak "Did you mean to be so rude?"

I'm not of any religion ... however if my Child was having a full holy Communion.. knowing how passionately they work for these special events... I'd be there...for my girl

Give over Sky, the child’s father will be there.

OP fwiw I’d probably attend the wedding and have a party with the rest of the family at a different date, she can wear her dress again and have lots of fuss made of her.

My parents aren't religious but it meant a lot to me they came to witness my confirmation and FHC. I'd have been pretty upset if they didn't come if it was planned that far in advance (and before the wedding announcement)

That said, it really depends on how your DD will respond. Do you think she's just saying she's fine with it as it's what you want to hear or will she genuinely not miss you that day?

No way would I miss my daughter's communion. Won't she wasn't her mum there to help her get dressed and hair sorted etc. And what if she is picked to do a reading etc. Would she not want you there?. She may have said she doesn't mind but really it is a big deal.

Make a huge fuss and get one of the events to change the date.
#guestzilla

All she cares about is the parties and I will do one for her. It just means me and her dad swop days. I understand it a big deal to some people but for the sake of 1 hour in a church I miss someone very close to me big day which all my family will be at. It's the mother guilt that won't leave Me!!

How would your DD respond to you not being there for her first communion? That should give you the answer on what to do

Did you mean to be so rude?

Yep, I did actually. Well done for picking on that. Can you tell me the significance of little girls in white dresses and veils?

Can you speak to the priest about postponing your dd's FHC for a later date, if possible, as someone suggested?

Don't be guilted Miaows. go to the wedding. Its almost hypocritical to sit through a communion like it means something to you!

Her Dad will be there, and its a bond for them.

Didn't take long for the anti-Catholic brigade to come on here. Funny how it never happens to other religions. Only on mumsnet is catholic bashing acceptable.

Your child comes first.

I wouldnt go to a wedding over my child's communion. Her's is next year too.

However, since youre not religious i think in your case go to the wedding. But not sure why youre holding a separate party the week after. Surely one party is enough?

Tell me op will her father be taking her to church every Sunday to receive communion?

Does your DD not want to go to the big family wedding? Does she not want to attend that?

Anyway, there is absolutely nothing wrong with missing something that is nothing to do with you, but between your daughter and her religion, even more so if you are not a member of the religion.

Her dad will make sure her day is very special as will his family. They would not mind if I didn't go. She will feel loved trust me. Her dad is more than capable. We both still have 2 parties I just miss the ceremony. I would not have been attending her dad's party or visa versa.

Countduck we are separated 1 party was never an option.

Notsomuchasmugmarriednow I can't speak for anyone else but I don't 'bash other religions' because I have no experience of them. As an ex-catholic I feel
I speak from experience.

My Dad, his parents and my other Grandfather were all non-religious, however I still would have been devastated if they hadn't come to my communion. After my wedding day and birth of my child it is still the most special day of my life. I couldn't imagine not attending my child's communion. She will always remember that you weren't there.