Choose family wedding over my child's communion.

[miaows]

My youngest is making her communion next year. Just found out a close family member has booked her wedding the same day. Would I BU to go to the wedding and have her Dad do the communion. We are separated so we were planning on having parties on different days. I can have her party for my side when I come back on the following weekend. I talked to her about it and she's seems ok with this. All my family will probably go to the wedding. It is abroad as she lives there. I will be gone for the whole weekend. I just have this niggling guilt because I won't be there for her special day.

You can't reschedule the wedding.

A first holy communion is just a party.

Decide for yourselves whether you want to celebrated a new relationship, or go along with shopping for wedding dresses for little girls. Harsh, I know, but, a FHC is a bit of a gravy train.

Why don’t you do communion it’ll be early, then take your dd to the wedding reception after let people make a fuss of her at the party as your not reglious it won’t matter if you miss the ceremony

Maybe you and your ex should not be indocrinated your child?

Child will be devastated, surely you can see that, party or not.

Could you not go as an evening guest to the wedding as a compromise. I'm sure B+G will understand the clash.

Mammylamb

Re-read the first post from the OP

Dora

Re-read the first post

We all say things that we don't mean all the time. Perhaps right now, almost a year way from the event, the OP's DD doesn't mind that her mum says she isn't going to be there. Right now she says she is only looking forward to the party. However, human beings are able to hold opposing views all the time and we change our minds as time progresses and as circumstances change. Its possible to logically think that it's ok for the mum not to be at the communion whilst secretly hoping that her mum will pick her.

Wishing you hadn't posted OP?

That niggle of guilt is being worked on...

Because white is the symbolic colour for sacraments, Skross. It's the same symbolism as used in baptism and for funerals. It doesn't have to be a dress and veils aren't compulsory. Or even that common round here tbh.

Child is not devasted as she has said she is ok with it.

And as th wedding is abroad (as stated in the OP's first post) she can't do both on the same day.

Also - ALL of the OP's family from her side will be at the wedding so as OP has said if she were to have a party for her DD that weekend there would be only a few people there as they others will be at the wedding.

The DD's father and his family are Catholic so the actual ceremony and party on the day are more important to them. And I'm sure they will appreciate being a big part of the DD's day.

Then why don't the boys wear all white?

Only the OP knows wether her DD means that she isn’t bothered and will be fine about her mum not being there. I’ll go with the OP and her take on things.

'As you're not Catholic, her Dad is and is taking other of his family members to the post FHC party, I wouldn't judge you at all for not going'

This ^ . Let her df and his family make a big deal of it for her. DC forget fhc quickly anyway.

If you don't think that it's that important Op, why would you be doing another party for her?

Surely you cannot make the wedding due to a prior commitment?

Lolz at some of the replies on this thread. Some of you might be ultra hardline catholics but in a lot of other countries that do FHC it's hardly a huge deal to the kids- they get a party out of it with their friends, but they're not going to be devastated if one parent is not there (if the other one is). It won't traumatise her, plus the vast majority of kids who take FHC hardly grow up to be pious Catholics anyway.

Go to the wedding OP. Her dad will be there. You can buy her a nice present to make up for it.

In some places it is just traditional to wear white, you don't have to wear white and I know churches where the Priests specifically say they don't want the mini wedding dresses as some girls seem to focus on that rather than the sacrament. I wore a home made dress that was made from an old dress of my mothers, my daughter wore a cotton summer dress, a local school has all children, boys and girls, in school uniform. Honestly the white dress isn't important.

I'm confused about the "brides of Christ" comments. Nuns are the brides of Christ not little girls making their First Holy Communion.

I'd put my child first by not supporting their involvement in a misogynistic religion, which it sounds like she doesn't care about anyway (just wants a party).

It would hypocritical of the non-religious parent to get involved in the religion part of the childs life that is being foisted on them by the religious parent.

I would go to the wedding and let your child enjoy the religious stuff with the religious people in her family. Especially since the child is ok with it.

Not every parent can do everything that a child is doing, especially if the parents are separated. DP and I dont want kids but we once had the conversation about religion as I am not and DP is religious. I made it clear I would never be involved with that side of life. I dont think your are U at all OP.

Rereading some of these posts its clear that a memo went out to the Opus Dei to come and argue here against OP going to a family event because it was not the religious family event.

Don't you think it's creepy dressing little girls up like "brides" of God

That's not what it is. White wedding dresses etc came way after white communion dresses. They aren't copying brides, brides are copying them!

Go to the wedding

It's really interesting that all the people who are having a go at me calling it a fake wedding, can't explain why the girls wear white dresses and veils.

OK. The white dress is supposed to represent the apostles' robes, and is also a symbol of baptism, where the child receives a white garment, often a shawl. The veil is not to do with a bride, but is leftover from a time when all women in church covered their heads. However, as someone else said many children don't wear veils or the big white dress, it really does not matter, it is the sacrament that is important. Those who see the white dress and veil and interpret it as 'the bride of Christ' are misinterpreting the meaning. On that basis - what are the boys?

Communion. And I can't believe you're having to ask (or most of the replies on this thread).

I'm not religious either, but you have (as her parents) made the decision that she's going to do this. It's important that you support her in it. It's a huge occasion for anyone of the catholic faith, it's most definitely not 'just a party'. I would bet good money that not a single other mother in her cohort will miss it.

If you value it so lightly that you don't even turn up, then I'm not sure you should have gone down this route with her in the first place.

It's really interesting that all the people who are having a go at me calling it a fake wedding, can't explain why the girls
wear white dresses and veils.

The girls DONT all wear white dresses and veils. Our priest is quite vocal about not liking the girls dressed up as brides and banned veils and gloves. The white is symbolic of purity but not compulsory. My DD did where white bit just a simple white summer dress, no veil or any of that rubbish (when it was DSs turn he wore his school uniform).

BUT back to the OP I wouldn't have missed my DCs First Holy Communions for anything but there was only the Mass for us (and it was about two hours), no parties or anything.

TBH if your daughter is only interested in the party then the priest shouldn't be allowing her to receive the sacrament.

Then why don't the boys wear all white? A lot of them do. It is really common for boys to wear white suits to their communion, but nothing is compulsory so it is also fine if they want to wear a normal suit, or just smart trouser and a shirt, and I have even seen some kids wear jeans and a T shirt.

I wonder if you took out communion and replaced it with school play would the answers be the same?