Choose family wedding over my child's communion.

[miaows]

My youngest is making her communion next year. Just found out a close family member has booked her wedding the same day. Would I BU to go to the wedding and have her Dad do the communion. We are separated so we were planning on having parties on different days. I can have her party for my side when I come back on the following weekend. I talked to her about it and she's seems ok with this. All my family will probably go to the wedding. It is abroad as she lives there. I will be gone for the whole weekend. I just have this niggling guilt because I won't be there for her special day.

I still remember that both sets of grandparents came to my FHC. Not a surprise that the Catholic grandparents came, but so did the atheist grandparents. Because they knew it was special to me.

And no, we did not do veils and "bridal" dresses.

My youngest dd is making her communion next year too, I am not religious and we won't be having a party or anything, just a family lunch but my dd would be devastated if I wasn't there. I hate wedding anyway so it would be a no brainer for me, I would be at the communion.

It is very young to leave her for the wedding

What, with her own father?

I would go to the wedding. Quite normal for a child of divorced parents to have some activities that belong to the mum and some to the dad. Religious bollox would definitely come under the latter if it were me.

If I was you I wouldn't be allowing my daughter anywhere near a religion as misogynistic and homophobic as Catholicism. If she's still interest when she can make her own mind up then fine.

Anyhoo, go to the wedding and enjoy!

Stop putting words in my mouth. . It is very young for her to brook the disappointment of her mother not being there. When did I talk about her father?

I think since it’s her dad who is catholic it makes sense for him to have her for the full day and give her a party straight after the ceremony. A party with you and the rest of your family (who I’m guessing aren’t catholic either?) the following weekend to celebrate sounds great. It would be weird for your non religious family to throw her a party that day, and her catholic side of the family to go home and have to wait a week for their celebration IMO. If your daughter is fine with it I think you should just go and enjoy yourself at the wedding.

The OP said in her first post that she'd spoken to her child and her child didn't mind

Jeez

I talked to her about it and she's seems ok with this

Communion.

Weird that you'd prioritise something over your child

Please go to your daughters day..for her. It really is a day with family and all the girls are in lovely dresses and the boys all smart, they do a communion breakfast afterwards. She may say it's ok but I'm guessing she will feel left out when other mums are there.

I think YABU.

FHC is a family event. It's a big day. I honestly can't imagine not being part of it.

Could you not go to the Communion and then the wedding?

If she's really only interested in the party, surely it shouldn't be going ahead?

I got confirmed as an adult and during confirmation class there were some youngsters who were only there because their parents insisted. That made me feel so uncomfortable. It shouldn't be something kids do because their parents think it's the done thing. It should be something that person wants because they (as much as they can at that age) have a clear idea they believe in God and that religion.

As you're not Catholic, her Dad is and is taking other of his family members to the post FHC party, I wouldn't judge you at all for not going.

You are not Catholic. You are being a dutiful parent by ensuring she is brought up in a religion you don't share. That doesn't mean you have to sacrifice something really special to you i.e. time with your family as well!

Wedding vote here (ex-Catholic)

I'd wonder how your daughter will feel if you're not there tbh. I wouldn't.

Holy communion all the way. Your daughter may say she is ok with it, and she may well be or there may be a part of her, no matter how small that is hoping that you will pick her.

to be honest I don't know why you wouldn't want to be part of her special day, even if it is just for the hour of the ceremony. Surely that's the important part anyway?

I just dressed smartly when I did my fhc not in white or as a bride of Christ. I would have been really disappointed if my mother hadn’t have been there and done something else instead even if it was a family wedding. It’s about priorities.
You have already made your decision anyway.

Communion over wedding.

At that age, it's the most important day of their lives.

When DC1 made their FHC I wasn't a Catholic, (DH was) but I still wouldn't have missed her special day. It wasn't a big deal to me but it was to her and there is no way (short of hospitalisation) I would have missed it. I think she should come ahead of the sunny wedding. You have the rest of your life to dash off to the sun but you will never get another chance to be at your daughter's communion.

I would have been heartbroken if one of my parents chose to go to a wedding instead of my communion. While others are slagging off the "wedding to an imaginary being", it was a really important occasion to me as a child, and it may well be to your daughter. Have you discussed it with her?

It may have been important to some people. But the op has said her daughter is only interested in the party afterwards which the op wouldn't be at anyways.

Her dad is the religious one and can go, so YWNBU to go to the wedding.

It's really interesting that all the people who are having a go at me calling it a fake wedding, can't explain why the girls
wear white dresses and veils.

She may only be interested in the party at the moment but there's still months of preparation and build up to go until the day. The ceremony is going to be much more important by the time it comes around.