To tell my friend she's put on weight...

[verynaiceham]

A friend of mine I see roughly every 3 months seems to get bigger and bigger each time I meet her. Her clothes look close to bursting at the seams and she looks generally uncomfortable. I couldn’t care less what she looks like but she really does care about her appearance, wears lovely make up, hair always done nicely, smart clothes etc so It’s really unlike her. At a guess I’d say she’s out on about 4 stone over the past 2-3 years. She hasn’t mentioned her weight to me. Would she think I’m a massive cow for referencing it? I’m worried there’s an underlying reason for the weight gain but if she wanted to talk about it she would...wouldn’t she?

I'm sure she knows. You don't need to point it out to her.

No

She already knows

It depends on what your relationship is like. How do you think she would take it?

YABU, don't do it! Trust me, she knows and is miserable about it. Pointing it out will make her feel like shit.

Is there any chance she doesn’t know she’s put in 4 stone? She will feel shit enough about it already, you don’t need to mention it

Just leave it. She's knows she's big and if you mention it she'll think you've been thinking about how big she's got. She'll discuss it if/ when she wants to.

Yes, she'd think you're a massive cow. Do you think she doesn't know she's put on weight and she might think her clothes have shrunk? If she doesn't mention it then leave it, nothing to do with you.

Has she asked you for your thoughts on her body?

I can't see how that conversation ends well.

Don't point it out to her. Ask her how she is, by all means. If she wants to talk about it, she will.

You would be massively unreasonable. She is already very aware and does not need anyone to tell her.

Do you honestly honestly think you’ve noticed and she hasn’t?

I've put on around 4 stone in the past 3 years - I definitely know ! The way I've had to buy all new clothes was the big giveaway

She knows she's put on weight. She doesn't need you to point it out!

As someone who has put on the same amount of weight in about the same time span, trust me, she would not appreciate you mentioning it. I can't imagine what you would hope to achieve by doing so.

You realise people don't lose their intelligence as they gain weight, don't you? The fat doesn't replace their brain.

I've gained 4 stone in 2 years and I'm bloody well aware of it. I dont think she will welcome you verbalising it.

Why would you? Do you not think she realises?

She will already know. I can't see why you'd consider it necessary to tell her.

Please don't say anything OP - I don't think it would be a good idea to bring it up.

Are you slim? Go to the gym? Any hobbies that keep you active? A conversation around these things could be appropriate.
Or tell her to move abroad, other cultures have no qualms about saying "oh you've got fat since last month/year, much better before"

What on earth would possess you to decide that you are in any way of any help?

Fat-shaming is never a good strategy. Especially if you're supposed to be her friend.

She will know she has put on weight so she won't need you to inform her of the fact.
What I think you're really fishing for is an explanation. She might not want to provide one.

You don’t sound like you want to talk to her about it because you’re worried for her health. So by default you sound like a bit of a bitch.