To tell my friend she's put on weight...

[verynaiceham]

A friend of mine I see roughly every 3 months seems to get bigger and bigger each time I meet her. Her clothes look close to bursting at the seams and she looks generally uncomfortable. I couldn’t care less what she looks like but she really does care about her appearance, wears lovely make up, hair always done nicely, smart clothes etc so It’s really unlike her. At a guess I’d say she’s out on about 4 stone over the past 2-3 years. She hasn’t mentioned her weight to me. Would she think I’m a massive cow for referencing it? I’m worried there’s an underlying reason for the weight gain but if she wanted to talk about it she would...wouldn’t she?

I think we should be able to say to someone that we are concerned about their health. A 4 stone weight gain in a short space of time isn't good for anyone, and could be leading to diabetes, heart problems and potential strokes. We'd show concern for someone drinking or using drugs, what's the issue with someone abusing food?? I've recently lost quite a lot of weight and had lots of people comment how much better I look but not one of them said to me that I looked unwell before...the only honest person to say "you are too big now and this has to stop" was my GP............

"I’m worried about her and am assuming there is something underlying which sh hasn’t told me. She obviously isn’t obliged to tell me anything but I want to be there for her to open up to if she wants to."

Having read your latest post you'll forgive me for laughing at that one.

Ok, so the real story is that your friend has fat shamed you in the past and now she's packing some extra weight herself, you want revenge to acknowledge it. I can understand that. Say so though...don't make out you're being altruistic.

What does she think of you wanting a boob job?

@Dustbunny1900 I don’t want to get any revenge. I ignore the digs as we are in a friendship group and don’t want to make it awkward for anyone else. It’s the fact that she offers me advice me about things that she also has issues with. She has humiliated me before in front of a full table of friends when talking about my acne and basically said it’s because of poor hygiene standards when in actual fact her skin is probably worse than mine (just covered up with make up).

Lots of times ive given the incorrect shop when I've been asked about my clothing, it's not evidence of a deceitful nature or anything that a "friend" would need to investigate it's just I've forgotten (don't give a shit) where I purchased an item
Ive put on 4 stone in two years reasons are as follows:

1. Intense grief from infertility issues
2. intense grief from loss of dear friend
3. sick child with permanent life long condition
4. food addiction 5)work stress 6)sick child has never slept thro night in 7 years so quite tired All the above I've bearly opened up to my dh about, so definitely would not want yo discuss with a girl chum I only see every 3 months or so. The best thing you can do in this situation is love your friend for who she is and listen if she wants to talk to you about it. If she felt she could safely, she would have done by now

Are you actually friends or are you “friends” aka frenemies?

Ask her if she's OK, as you have noticed that she seems unhappy.

Don't mention her weight. She knows.

So she is mean to you so you want to fat shame her.... ok then. Sounds like a great friendship there.

She has humiliated me before in front of a full table of friends when talking about my acne and basically said it’s because of poor hygiene standards when in actual fact her skin is probably worse than mine (just covered up with make up).

You don't seem to like her very much...

To be fair, she does sound ghastly.

@SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning I guess frenemies. I’m a lot closer to the other girls in the group. We’ve never met up just the two of us like I do with some of the others. She is just there on the bigger meet ups.

The only person who should do an intervention when it comes to food addiction is that persons very closest dearest loved ones NOT some bitch who wants revenge for previous hurt feelings
You are not friends, you are just two girls who meet up a few times a year

Sorry again for this shitty thread. I should have posted about our ‘friendship’ rather than the weight being a thing. My partner hates her as I come home upset every time after seeing her and thinks I should just call her out on it and ask what the problem is. After reading the replies on this it seems to be clearer for me now. She upsets me now I want to upset her (without upsetting the group dynamics). There. I’ve said it. Yes, maybe this thread has made me sound like a complete bitch but I’m not normally like this. She has humiliated me time after time and I’ve had enough

How do the other 6 react to her weight gain? Has anyone mentioned when she's not around?

@Nofunkingworriesmate I agree!

@Beeziekn33ze They must have noticed but no one has mentioned it. She’s very outspoken and loud and seem to love listening to her talk

Wow there has been a big U-turn in the space of an hour. From I'm concerned about my dear friend to I want revenge on this woman I hate.

I have a friend who absolutely piled on the weight and I know what you mean about wanting to talk to your own friend but in my case, I never, ever said anything even though I wanted to on numerous occasions. She was never thin but I would watch her have sugar in her drinks, opt for Coke when we were out etc etc. One weekend when we were away on a "girlie" break, I counted up that she had more than 6 teaspoons of sugar before 11am. I had guessed correctly that it was a form of depression (work and certain aspects of home life not going well) and it was comfort eating. Something triggered a wake up call for her and that was the first time we'd ever discussed it. She had always known her eating habits were bad but her comfort eating temporarily hid her depression.

God this is the most messed up thread i think I’ve ever posted and there have been a few!

@Oysterbabe You’re telling me! My head is in a spin

It does sound to be the 'friendship' group situation as you say. Do none of the others call her out on her comments and 'advice' she has given you?

I absolutely wouldn't mention her weight but if she makes comments about your appearance I would definitely tell her not to speak to you like that again as it is hurtful and humiliating. what is she like to the others in the friendship group? It could be the only way she can feel good about herself is by putting you down but that's not ok and un acceptable.

Right.

So now we have a drip feed.

Ffs.

Just admit you hate her for taking a dig at you and that you want revenge.

Don't do all this coy shit about should you tell her she's put on weight.

It's clear now that you want revenge for her comments on your skin.

So admit that.

@Itsanicehotel They must all see it how I see it but no one says anything. My partner thinks this is why she behaves the ways he does and thinks I should say something to her.

If you couldn't stand up for yourself when she dissed you to your face, I can't imagine that you will feel able to open your mouth and tell her that she's fat, anyway. So that takes care of that

Its a shame you didn't call her out on the spot when she shamed you - its obviously eating you up. Nothing you can do tho - you are acquaintances not friends so, avoid her. Should be very easy to do

@AVirtuousLife I admit it! She isn’t a friend at all. I’m pissed off with her and wanted to mention something in a ‘concerned’ way so I don’t rock the dynamics of the friendship group. That would make me as bad as her though.