To tell my friend she's put on weight...

[verynaiceham]

A friend of mine I see roughly every 3 months seems to get bigger and bigger each time I meet her. Her clothes look close to bursting at the seams and she looks generally uncomfortable. I couldn’t care less what she looks like but she really does care about her appearance, wears lovely make up, hair always done nicely, smart clothes etc so It’s really unlike her. At a guess I’d say she’s out on about 4 stone over the past 2-3 years. She hasn’t mentioned her weight to me. Would she think I’m a massive cow for referencing it? I’m worried there’s an underlying reason for the weight gain but if she wanted to talk about it she would...wouldn’t she?

You, my friend, are not being very nice.
Why don't you focus on your own life, instead of trying to drag down others.

How's it gonna go?
Op: You've put on weight. I'm worried you haven't noticed.
Friend: Fuck off.

If you think she has put on weight because she is insecure Very then pointing out that she has put on weight is unlikely to help her self esteem.

Sorry. I really haven’t worded this post well at all. I’m not a bitch I promise. I’m worried about her and am assuming there is something underlying which sh hasn’t told me. She obviously isn’t obliged to tell me anything but I want to be there for her to open up to if she wants to. I’m aware she may have just put on weight and is fine with it but this is very unusual and out of character for her. Her lies have become more frequent recently too and it’s silly little things for example where she got a top, where she stayed on her latest holiday.

No. Don't be a cow friend my arse

DO NOT mention it.

If you want her to open up to you, be a good friend and be kind to her. If she wants to talk, she will.

Let's hope she's not on here reading this thread...

@Brokenbiscuit I’m a chubby bastard myself so why would I judge someone else?

Erm have you ever thought she might actually be fat and happy. Contrary to the popular belief such people do exist. Not everyone yearns to be a size 0,
And even if she's not happy she won't thank you either way

Do you honestly think she hasn’t noticed? Really, truly and honestly?

One of my friends recently lost 5 stone in weight. In our circle of friends no one ever said anything about her weight gain over the years.

She said she wished people had told her as she didn't realise how big she really was

I'm sorry but this is complete nonsense. She would have been very, very aware of how much weight she'd gained, so to 'blame' her friends for not telling her is ridiculous.

And you mentioning it ("just as an FYI..in case you haven't noticed "??) is going to make her more secure?

I was always scrawny til I took an antidepressant from hell and gained 50+ pounds. People making snide comments , looking at me w disgust, asking if I'd managed to lose weight, and saying "holy cow" when they saw me didn't give me some epiphany where I suddenly realized I was chubby and thanked them and promptly lost it all. I did something about it when I was ready.
If she wants your opinion or support she will bring it up herself in HER time. It's her body.
Idk why you care so much or what the tag has to do with her weight

Are you talking about me?

Christ no don't bring it up. How humiliating for her.

If you're concerned for her more holistically then sure say she hasn't seemed happy recently, is she ok, you're here to talk if she wants to etc etc.

I've gained about four stone in the last three years or so. I also take a lot of care over my hair, makeup and clothes in an attempt to compensate for it.

Yes, I know I am overweight and I'm working on losing it.

No, I would not thank you for mentioning it. I would not appreciate it. I would be offended, upset and I'd probably not make much of an effort to see you again.

Only someone who enjoys making their friends feel bad under a guise of 'worrying about their health' would make a point of mentioning their weight gain to them.

I have a friend who is at least a size 20. She is however absolutely convinced she's a size 8/10. I'm aware of how absurd that sounds. But she buys clothes the wrong size and takes them back, complaining about them. The nurses and
GPs tell her she has to lose weight or get ill.

Do I tell her she's obese and the HCPs are right? No. Is she deluded? Totally. But it's not my job to question her sense of self. She also believes she's incredibly beautiful and you know what? She is. She believes it and that's ok.

If your friend is genuinely uncomfortable then she knows about the weight and doesn't need you to tell her. If she's like my friend, she'll think you're crazy and then run off and buy a sparkly bikini to show off her assets. Good for her.

If you do not care where this poor woman gets her clothes why get the Primark dig in

Actually I'd tell you to go stick your head up a dead bears bum

Y though- just why
My mum pointed out to me I'd put on weight. I knew. It just hurt that she mentioned it

@SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning She must have noticed. It’s the fact she quite clearly in denial about it (in my opinion) and wears clothes that are far too small.

Pointing out to someone that they've gained 4 stone in weight would be like pointing out to someone that they have a huge spot on their nose. They will already know.

It’s the fact she quite clearly in denial about it (in my opinion) and wears clothes that are far too small.

Or she's bought clothes, put on weight and not wanted to buy bigger ones.

You just sound like you're putting the boot in here rather than it coming from genuine concern.

@PortiaCastis I shop in primark myself and she knows this so not sure why she’d feel the need to lie.

No way!

If I were your friend I would deck you

HTH