To tell my friend she's put on weight...

[verynaiceham]

A friend of mine I see roughly every 3 months seems to get bigger and bigger each time I meet her. Her clothes look close to bursting at the seams and she looks generally uncomfortable. I couldn’t care less what she looks like but she really does care about her appearance, wears lovely make up, hair always done nicely, smart clothes etc so It’s really unlike her. At a guess I’d say she’s out on about 4 stone over the past 2-3 years. She hasn’t mentioned her weight to me. Would she think I’m a massive cow for referencing it? I’m worried there’s an underlying reason for the weight gain but if she wanted to talk about it she would...wouldn’t she?

It depends on your relationship. I wish someone had pointed out how large I'd become.

With friends like you who needs enemies?

I'm sure she knows OP, she would've been buying bigger clothes and noticed the difference in the mirror/photos. I'm not sure what you think would gain from telling her.

If you're concerned it's a symptom of a larger issue then by all means sit down with her, ask how she is and try to gauge if she wants to talk.

But this is a very delicate subject and I think you'd just upset her by outright commenting on her body.

If you are a size 18 and she has put on 4 stone to become a size 20 then how can she say to you "oh god I'm so depressed I've become so fat."? That would be a criticism of you.

Leave it.

If she is comfort eating then perhaps you could try to understand what she needs support with in her life.

If you have never asked her support to deal with your own over-eating and obesity then she would surely see it as something you don't like to discuss?

Op - you've said you're larger than average, why not ask her to go to a slimming club with you, because you need the support? Just a thought.

Jesus no. Don't breathe a word. Friendship isn't dependent on a size on a label and she's probably very conscious of it. If she wants to talk to you about it she will. But if you've been judgemental about size in the past - and you can be a size 16 and do that, god knows I've been guilty of it - then she probably won't want to talk to you about it.

Just be your normal friendself to her.

Keep quiet. Nowt to do with you. I have put on a fair amount and frankly would not welcome comments about my weight gain (medication related). Your friend knows, and may well feel like crap about it. Don't make her feel worse.

I had this once. Friends delighted in pointing out my weight gain, or a certain friend anyway. They were gleeful that I put on weight almost and said a while ago that coat was too big and now you cant close the buttons, it is tight and fitted. It was just laziness on my part and not exercising enough and eating the wrong foods.

I got to a gym, lost weight and remarks were made again that I was now too thin.

I said whilst I can lose weight if I want, you apparently cannot stop being a spitelful bitch.

We are not friends anymore.

I hope your friend says similar to you should you point her weight out to her.

For gods sake, do you think she doesn't know she's put on weight???

I've been + and - 5 stone. I know every lb I've put on and dont need telling. Nor does she.

I’m really struggling to word this one. If you all think I’m a bitch that’s fine - it’s probably how I’ve come across. I guess this isn’t about weight and more about the lies and digs she has at me (in front of our 6 other friends). She has no problems telling me if my acne looks particularly bad for example yesterday ‘I guess you didn’t take the advice about the double wear foundation being good to cover up your scars and spots then?’ and after I mentioned a gift I’d been given ‘I really don’t like them. I think they’re really tacky and cheap looking’. She’s also mentioned my weight in the past. We stayed in a hotel so I had changed into my pyjamas ‘You’re actually a lot bigger than you look in normal clothes. You hide it well’

Drip drip drip...

Jeez. I've put on half a stone in the last 6 months. I'm acutely aware of it, every time I eat anything.

I'm glad that none of my friends have been rude enough to mention it.

There goes the tap

@RunRabbitRunRabbit She has mentioned my weight before.

Would she think I’m a massive cow for referencing it?

Yeah - and she would be right. I've put on a stone this year I KNOW I am bigger I've got eyes and Im carrying this body around - and I will do something about it. I don't have the kind of friends who would mention it, thank God. We don't judge each other via weight and in fact its not even a conversation

Maybe you expect people to stay the same size from teen to elder years. It doesn't work like that. & if you don't know this simple fact I doubt you are a nutritionist or similar so what help are you? Apart from patronisingly mentioning eating tips whenever you see her or some such in which case she will likely, and rightly, tell you where to go with that one

So now it's because the shoes on the other foot and you want your vengeance?? Or because you're so concerned this is a symptom of something bigger. Which ?
If a friend talked to me that way (the way you say she has in the past) I wouldn't be speaking to them anymore. Fuck that

My exh used to torment me about my weight and at the time I was a size 12 but now I'm a recovering anorexic who was down to 5 stone and dangerously ill, all because of a sad wanker.

No, definitely don't mention it. About ten years ago I was travelling a lot with work and knew I'd put on a load of weight from eating on the run, hotel breakfasts etc. I didn't own scales, but I was up a dress size and felt crap. If one of my friends had mentioned it I would have been mortified. My "moment" came in a hotel in Dublin which had scales in the bathroom, and I realised i'd gained a stone and a half. When I spoke to one of my closest friends about it she said I looked great (I didn't) and that she actually fancied trying Scottish Slimmers, and did I want to go with her. That was exactly the right approach for me - non judgemental, supportive, and only when prompted.

I'm sure she knows

You'd be surprised. I gained 3 stone and only realised when I bought a load of size 8 clothes online then couldn't get them past my knees. Still believed there was a sizing error for a whlie before finally coming to the realisation.

I guess this isn’t about weight and more about the lies and digs she has at me (in front of our 6 other friends).

So you are trying now to point score rather than act like an adult and drop someone like that from your life?

Jeez.

Oh how sweet of you. She won't have noticed at all.

"If you were my friend I'd deck you HTH.

Jesus on trampoline don't be shy. Just say exactly how you feel.

In what sense is she your friend then? You cannot possibly like someone who says such mean things to you.

She may be fully aware of her weight gain or in some form of denial. The question is do you want to stoop to her level of catty remarks?

If you were real, close friends I'd advise a conversation to address and support the problem but this doesn't seem to be the case.

You have to have a very close relationship to bring up weight without offending. Someone you only see 4 times a year isn't close enough.