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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell my friend she's put on weight...

197 replies

verynaiceham · 07/10/2017 21:57

A friend of mine I see roughly every 3 months seems to get bigger and bigger each time I meet her. Her clothes look close to bursting at the seams and she looks generally uncomfortable. I couldn’t care less what she looks like but she really does care about her appearance, wears lovely make up, hair always done nicely, smart clothes etc so It’s really unlike her. At a guess I’d say she’s out on about 4 stone over the past 2-3 years. She hasn’t mentioned her weight to me. Would she think I’m a massive cow for referencing it? I’m worried there’s an underlying reason for the weight gain but if she wanted to talk about it she would...wouldn’t she?

OP posts:
peachgreen · 07/10/2017 22:04

a) She knows.
b) She may be perfectly comfortable with it.
c) There may be an underlying reason for it.
d) Putting on weight is not an inherently bad thing.
But most of all e), it’s none of your fucking business.

You are a bad friend, just FYI. If you really ‘couldn’t care less’ what your friends looked like, you would never have made this post.

Fluffyears · 07/10/2017 22:04

Her weight is none of your business unless she’s sitting on your face!

KimchiLaLa · 07/10/2017 22:04

You don't know why she's put on weight. Could be something like her thyroid which she may not want to discuss.

Orchidflower1 · 07/10/2017 22:05

If you value your friendship keep quiet until if/ when she mentions anything to you. Think how you'd feel the other way around.

putdownyourphone · 07/10/2017 22:05

Why would you need to tell her or point it out? If she's unhappy about it and sees you as a good enough friend to open up about it she would have. But maybe she couldn't give a shit, or maybe she's on meds that cause weight gain.

Biscuitsneeded · 07/10/2017 22:05

Don't be ridiculous. If your question was 'should I allude to my friend's weight gain' I would think you were being pretty superficial. But what do you mean, should you tell her she's put on weight? She can hardly fail to have noticed... ! It's not your place to say anything about it because, well, gosh, she's your friend and you like her for herself and not her body shape. If she mentions it then you can be ready to listen. The fact that she hasn't mentioned it in any way in the past 2-3 years suggests that maybe she doesn't think of you as the friend you claim to be...

BenLui · 07/10/2017 22:06

Why on earth do you think she would want to talk to you about it?

FinnegansCake · 07/10/2017 22:06

I am sure your friend has noticed that her clothes are close to bursting at the seams, and I doubt that she would appreciate you pointing it out to her.
Even though I understand your concern, weight is such a delicate issue that mentioning it could ruin your relationship with her.

Anecdoche · 07/10/2017 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pollaidh · 07/10/2017 22:06

Don't say anything beyond asking how she is.

There are all sorts of reasons - hormone issues, thyroid, medications, a physical problem meaning exercise is difficult, mental health/meds for MH - many of these can't be easily fixed, so telling someone they're fat when they know they've got fat and there's not much they can do about it, will just seriously upset them. Given she looks after herself generally I'd imagine there's something else going on and she obviously isn't ready to confide in you.

Ploppie4 · 07/10/2017 22:07

Unless she speaks to you about it, keep your cake hole shut

Original poster
verynaiceham · 07/10/2017 22:08

I just find it odd as she is very conscious of her looks and takes such pride in her appearance. She often references the size clothes she buys eg. ‘Oh they didn’t have a 12 so I had to get a 14’ but I’d say she is at least a size 20. It’s like she is in denial and still squeezes herself into clothes that are quite obviously too small. I’ve noticed she tells lies as well. I commented on a nice top and asked where she got. She told me ‘warehouse’ but later on I saw a primark label sticking out. I honestly do not care where she gets her clothes, what size they are but I don’t understand the lies.

OP posts:
JennyOnAPlate · 07/10/2017 22:09

I think she’s probably noticed op Hmm

PurpleDaisies · 07/10/2017 22:09

She told me ‘warehouse’ but later on I saw a primark label sticking out.

Confused
Original poster
verynaiceham · 07/10/2017 22:09

I’d just like to point out I’m by no means skinny myself. Size 18 for anyone who cares. This isn’t about bashing people for their size. I guess it’s more about my friendship and me wanting to be there for a friend. I think she is insecure

OP posts:
Sohurt17 · 07/10/2017 22:11

Jeez OP. What’s your beef with your friend? Just be supportive if you really are her friend. However from your posts so far, it doesn’t sound like you are.

AdalindSchade · 07/10/2017 22:12

Why do you think she hasn’t noticed?!

Imonlyfuckinghuman · 07/10/2017 22:12

I think talking about obesity really needs to be looked at.

Getting to a point where you are morbidly obese or heading that way and there is no underlying medical issue, shows some kind of phycological problem, yet it's taboo to talk about it.

If some one was an alcoholic or a drug user or even a smoker people are allowed to bring it up on a health concern - but not a significant weight gain.

It's a tough one op, my dh has piled weight on to the point two people said they bumped in to dh and didn't recognise him Sad. He is well aware he has put weight on but I don't think he realises that his addiction (and it is one) is having an impact on our family

RandomMess · 07/10/2017 22:12

Perhaps just ask how she is and she doesn't seem as happy/confident as she used to?

greendale17 · 07/10/2017 22:13

One of my friends recently lost 5 stone in weight. In our circle of friends no one ever said anything about her weight gain over the years.

She said she wished people had told her as she didn't realise how big she really was

DeadButDelicious · 07/10/2017 22:13

It's none of your business and she most likely is fully aware of it. All you pointing it out is going to achieve us upsetting your friend. Leave it alone.

greendale17 · 07/10/2017 22:13

I would talk to her OP

Brokenbiscuit · 07/10/2017 22:14

Maybe she lies because she thinks you're quite judgemental? You do sound very judgemental tbh. And not a very nice friend.

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 07/10/2017 22:15

No one needs to comment on someones weight unless they are asked for their opinions or if they are the person's GP. Your friend know's she has put on weight, she doesn't you to point out the obvious.

Cheby · 07/10/2017 22:15

What do you expect to gain from mentioning it?

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