To not discipline DS for shouting at an adult

[riverotter]

DS(10) is normally quiet and quite polite. However, he can explode a bit if pushed.

He was at a friend's house last night and I picked him up at just after 8. The mum seemed a bit quiet and this morning she sent a text asking if we could talk so I called her.

Her version is that DS shouted and slammed a glass down on the table and it made everybody feel very uncomfortable. Obviously I asked what brought it on and she said it was because her mum, so his friend's grandma, had offered DS a sandwich!

So I spoke to DS. He started crying and said he did but he didn't really like any of them so kept saying no thank you, no thank you. But apparently the gran kept saying go on, have one, they are nice, I've been making these all afternoon. He said she was waving one in his face when he shouted 'no, I said no.' (I actually taught him that phrase a while back.)

So - discipline or not? I'm not sure how to deal with this. I hate rudeness but I hate people who won't say no for an answer as well.

Do you really have to ask?
He was very rude

Gosh, yes - I do have to ask as i was honestly privately impressed with him. As I have known so many tedious people who won't stop shoving offers of food your way.

Well I wouldn't expect a child to shout and slam a glass on the table becuase they didn't like the sandwiches being offered tbh

I doubt the mother will invite him over agin now anyway, I wouldn't.

I think something needs to be said to your ds and the slamming of the glass definitely wasn't needed

He was rude why didn't you teach him to say no thank you?
However the gran was also really rude.

Sure, just bring him up to believe it's ok to blow his top when people are doing nothing wrong other than being a little persistent. Bring him up to believe it's ok to express himself by slamming things on tables. Bring him up to believe it's ok for a child to talk back to an adult. Bring him up to know that mummy will always take his version of events over adults.

He definitely should apologise, he was very rude.

Yes, people who keep offering food are tedious but there are better ways to deal with them than shouting and slamming stuff.

I'm all for letting children have a choice but he was definitely I the wrong. They gave him lots of options. You shouldn't be teaching him that it's ok to shout at people..

Of course it wasn't an appropriate way of responding. He should have just kept politely saying no thank you.

I don't think discipline, sounds like he felt very "cornered" and not being listened too.

Can you have a chat about other ways he could have responded? And ways he can try and channel his feeling a when he knows he's going to explode? It's a valuable life skill for someone with a set tipping point

If he didn't want to eat the sandwich then that should have been respected and she was wrong to not accept his no response

However the gran was also really rude

According to a stroppy 10-year-old.

Well I wouldn't expect a child to shout and slam a glass on the table becuase they didn't like the sandwiches being offered tbh

That isn't why though, is it? Do people not bother to read before forming opinions?

He didn't shout no because he didn't like the sandwiches, but because someone was pushing him over and over and over again while he repeatedly politely said no thank you, and waving sandwiches in his face.

OP, I would have a chat about how to deal with people being difficult like this, and about different strategies to maintain boundaries. Perhaps suggest that in this scenario it might be easier to take a sandwich but then not eat it, or similar?
He's only 10 though, it's difficult to navigate adults and behaviour at that age!

He sounds like a right charmer

If he has shouted in my face like that I would have phoned you to collect him immediately. He was rude.

He slammed a glass down on the table and shouted very rudely at an adult who was offering a sandwich
Rude from an adult never mind a child

If the gran is anything like my mil who won't takeno for an answer then I don't blame him. Why should he be bullied just because hes a child?

Hard to say unless you were actually in the room. But I can imagine the scenario and if the granny was passive aggressive would not take no for an answer then it is justifiable to say no a lot more firmly. So YANBU

Was the granny Mrs.Doyle? < gwan gwan gwan >
Joking aside,your kid was very rude and you're a bit daft for being impressed by bratty behaviour.

I don't agree. It's bloody rude when people won't take no for an answer. As an adult I can just about cope with it, but it's immensely annoying. I went to eat with MIL last night and between her and DH I said I didn't want any more food about 6 times over. They knew I've had a bad stomach this week.

You DS obviously tried to say no politely more than once and quite understandably got upset and frustrated that he wasn't being listened to.

I'd talk to him about social protocols and not upsetting other people's annoying grannys but I wouldn't punish him.

he didn't really like any of them so kept saying no thank you, no thank you.

He was rude why didn't you teach him to say no thank you?

Sigh.

Maybe you should teach him to say 'which bit of no thank you is confusing you?'

He shouldn't have shouted or slammed his glass but I get where he's coming from.

was grandma Irish by any chance?

Yabu. He should be told off for that because it wasn't an acceptable response. He also needs to learn a socially acceptable response.

It was rude but he's 10 and it's difficult when adults don't listen to you. You need to speak to him about controlling his temper and learning to assert himself without being aggressive (which slamming a cup on table constitutes). Because this type of situation will happen again and he can't be reacting this way when he's 15 or 25.