To not discipline DS for shouting at an adult

[riverotter]

DS(10) is normally quiet and quite polite. However, he can explode a bit if pushed.

He was at a friend's house last night and I picked him up at just after 8. The mum seemed a bit quiet and this morning she sent a text asking if we could talk so I called her.

Her version is that DS shouted and slammed a glass down on the table and it made everybody feel very uncomfortable. Obviously I asked what brought it on and she said it was because her mum, so his friend's grandma, had offered DS a sandwich!

So I spoke to DS. He started crying and said he did but he didn't really like any of them so kept saying no thank you, no thank you. But apparently the gran kept saying go on, have one, they are nice, I've been making these all afternoon. He said she was waving one in his face when he shouted 'no, I said no.' (I actually taught him that phrase a while back.)

So - discipline or not? I'm not sure how to deal with this. I hate rudeness but I hate people who won't say no for an answer as well.

www.apologyletters.net/Child_Apology_Fill_In_The_Blank.php

I'd make him handwrite it personally.

When the grand writes a letter first maybe.

I don't know if your DS is a fussy eater but I was as a child and this thread has brought back a feeling of dread about being forced to accept food I didn't want. It was super stressful.
I don't think 'discipline' is appropriate now, especially as you weren't there to judge how badly he reacted/ how annoying the adult was, and the moment has passed, but it sounds like speaking to him is a good idea and pointing out that slamming things is never a good response.

Your son was very rude you are not going to accept that though so just praise him instead for speaking up for himself eh

And its parents like you OP , who breed entitled lairey brats.

I think you're somehow managing to miss the point spectacularly faith. (Which is that you JUST keep saying no in that situation. No shouting. No slamming.)

Yeah bollocks.

Dear Friends Granny,

I'm sorry I shouted at you when you rudely didn't listen to my polite answer to your constant demands that I eat your sandwiches, and then started waving them in my face which upset me even more.

I look forward to receiving your apology by return.

Regards

Son of OP.

If he reacts to teachers like that he will get into trouble.

Oh my gosh someone has called him unhinged while I was writing!! If you have children yourselves, please educate yourselves on the development of children, what can be expected at each stage and how you should support your child in growing up to be a healthy balanced adult. Jeez.

You should maybe keep him from other peoples houses as well as he is obviously not mature enough to handle situations

"I wouldnt discipline him"
Me neither but I would explain that he handled the situation very badly and he needs to rein in his temper or he will have ongoing issues. The immediate effect is that that is one house he won't be invited back to.

MrsJayy you can't be serious.

If this had been a small child then I could excuse it but 10 years old 😱. He should definitely be able to regulate his emotions more at this age, especially when he is a guest in somebody else's home. My 11 year old can be very stroppy at home but is well behaved and polite when he is with other people. I would be very annoyed if he behaved like your son did.

Am I the only one wondering if he damaged the table?

They got what they deserved for badgering a child. He said no. It is so important these days to teach children that they can control their bodies and their personal space. He said 'no', and they, in their old-fashioned wisdom, believed they knew best, that childrens' 'no's are meaningless and children should be badgered into their desired behaviour.

The poor thing shouldn't even NEED 'coping strategies' for dealing with adults who are nagging him like that.

They need to learn to respect what people say instead of treating him like an idiot who can't make his own decisions.

I would be impressed that he stood up for himself.

He's did keep telling no thankyou nicely and they didn't listen to him.

I think it was great he was assertive. I'd prefer this than my child being pushed into doing something they didn't want to do just because a adult said so.

Which post pippi iam deadly serious about him not going to houses he is 10 he should not be banging glasses and shouting the granny might have been overbearing but he didn't need to be shouting

How is he normally OP? If my 10 year old did this although I would explain that it is rude I wouldn't punish him. He generally has beautiful manners (n.b. not necessarily at home without constant reminders..) and if he did something like this he would have had good reason. I think gut instinct is a good way to go on this.

He was rude shouting but she was rude to keep on at him and wave a sandwich in his face!
I wouldn't tell him off. My son would have done the same thing. You wouldn't get in an adults face and keep demanding they have a sandwich and not expect them to get pissed off.

I'm really shocked at some of the comments on this thread! Some really unpleasant comments about a child. I am wondering what those same people would do in his shoes.

If he's repeatedly said no thank you then I don't think the 'I said no' is too bad but the slamming the glass and shouting bit really was.

Talk/ model to him about asserting himself calmly and firmly. And show him how to secretly dispose of food from food pushers as she won't be the only one he'll meet.

The reality is I agree that he isn't particularly in the wrong, but sometimes you have to suck it up and apologise for unacceptable behaviour. Banging a glass on the table was wrong, I agree he was probably provoked but he still should (in my opinion) apologise at least to the mother. It's the polite thing to do.

Yanbu. Shock horror he didn't respond well to a manipulative adult who persistently refused to take no thank you for an answer (it doesn't take all afternoon to throw some sandwiches together, and even if it did so what, maybe ask in advance what he fancies from the options you have available?)

I would be annoyed with my mother if she tried to push did down my own children's throats when they have clearly and politely did they don't want it. It's just a lunch, if he chooses not to eat anything offered he's not going to starve.

Consent is important. This sounds like an excellent learning opportunity for practicing some strategies for dealing with tricky adults. I'd rather my kids got it wrong like this on one occasion that not learn how to turn down far worse situations. Substitute sandwiches for tea and you've got the video on consent.

I've read on here many times that no is a complete sentence. I'd love to know what age that starts from, as it apparently doesn't apply to children. It was an unfortunate incident but how many times can he politely decline before getting frustrated?

Saying that, fussy children are a PITA.

Not sure what my point is.

am wondering what those same people would do in his shoes.

I imagine a lot of us have been in those shoes.

But I would no more have shouted at a friend's parent or grandparent than eaten the moon. Especially at 10. That really is marked lairiness.