DH's parents have a flat on the riviera and don't offer us to go

[tilda0]

DHs mother and 12 years husband own a flat on the coast of France and they rent a house in the countryside. They don't offer us to go and mil knows that we are not rolling I. money at all.
We are sometimes invited to the countryside (2h away from where we live) but only if they are there and/or if it's Christmas or some sort of celebration.

Not nice! Or aibu?

I can't believe that my DH thinks that they will be reliable to help with child (unborn yet!). They obviously have their own schedule planned and rules set.

Well I guess it's up to them, but I wouldn't count on them being any help at all with your DCs

Why doesn't your DH ask to use it?

Mexican house thief from the neighbours angle. "My neighbour has a house in Mexico but they only offered to let us go once. Luckily we got duplicate keys cut so we're able to look after the house for them several times. We even had to pay for our own flights!"

Is it their's jointly owned or was i the husbands before they got married and does he have a relationship with your DH?

Presumably if you are looking for help with childcare you will both ask them?

I don't see why they should offer you holidays I'm afraid.

While it might be nice if they offered, I think you are being unreasonable to expect it and even more unreasonable to expect help with child care.

I fail to see why, if a property is standing empty it isn't used by wider family and friends - nominal fees to cover utilities - but if it is rented out as a holiday home , and it's part of their income then YABU.

But Again I don't understand why no one talks to each other . Why cant your DH ASK his mother for use of one of the houses?

They obviously have their own schedule planned and rules set

The cheek of them, having their own lives! Surely they know they should bow down at the altar of your child?

It's their flat, they don't have to let you have it.

If you're not "rolling in it" as you say then a holiday break on the riviera would be a terrible idea... even if accommodation is free the place is so expensive!

Maybe they're thinking along those lines?? (Clutching at straws here)

It is their property to do with as they wish and it is their lives to with as they wish. I would expect that you are unlikely to get regular/reliable child care help from them either and would plan to manage without them. If you expect nothing and take what you are given, you will be much happier than if you harbour resentment for them not giving you what is theirs to choose to give.

My in-laws have a holiday home too. We are only allowed to go there if they are there. As we don't want to spend every holiday with them and want time just us and DC we don't go there very often (twice in last 12 years). They aren't interested in offering regular childcare and any childcare at all can be relatively 'expensive' emotionally - they are our children and our responsibility; they've done their bit of raising children. BUT they are absolutely there in an emergency (whether work or illness) and love the DC. They help out when it suits them, and the DC love them. They don't interfere and are very generous in other ways. As the DC have got older and easier to talk to, they have spent more time with them and now often offer to have them. I always say yes when they offer as it's lovely for us all for the DC to spend time with grandparents. When I read some of the stories of over-bearing or interfering in-laws, I am grateful for the hands-off, but loving approach my in-laws have. I did resent it a little at the start when the DC were hard work and I was tired, but actually, they are nice people and I am comfortable with the way it works.

It's their place, they don't have to offer it around.

So you're upset you can't get a free holiday at their expense and they only invite you over at special occasions (completely reasonable if you live a four hour round trip away!)
Jeez
Yabu

Why should they a) offer you free use of their house, and b) help with childcare, when it doesn't seem like you've asked them to do either?

They haven't offered, so he needs to ask. Simple

Have you or your DH ever actually asked if you could use it?

Why can't your dh ask?

Fwiw might it be they have all their personal belongings there? ie a summer wardrobe etc

I know I wouldn't want to clear all my stuff away in anticipation of someone wanting to use my home or part time home

I think they are being odd. We inherited a holiday home and let all extended family use it, and friends too. But we aren't looking to make money from it and maybe they rent it out high season.
It has been rather a high expense though, just from an insurance point of view. And people being helpful and leaving their last 10ml of sun cream drives me nuts too!!!

That sounds a bit miserable of them. My parents delight in sharing their holiday home with us, and urge us to go there and make the most of it. I would do the same with my children, if I'm ever lucky enough to have something like that. But you will get loads of old mumsnet miseries telling you you are 'entitled'

Maybe they want your DH to stand on his own two feet rather than expect everything handed to him. Given he believes he can have children and get them to look after them, he sounds very entitled.

Maybe they think you are messy and don't trust they would get the place back in good condition? Or worse, have to pay for a cleaner before renting it to strangers!

It's their flat with their stuff in it. Unless you're very close to them I don't see why they'd want you staying in it. I wouldn't want the worry of relatives using our holiday home unless I was certain they will take care of it, leave it clean, lock up properly and not damage anything. Also I don't like other people sleeping in our bed and using our personal things.

Ok... so the flat is empty all year long unless they are there (every 3-4month). DH asks but the answer from them is always 'huh well...' we never hear 'yes sure it's empty go down for a few days'.
So they won't pay us holidays!! They own the flat, it's empty! To the posh person who says that it doesn't work to go to the riviera when you aren't rich: how about just enjoying the beach, the sun and eat cheap?

ChangeCat wtf! You would not want to let your son go to your country house for a few days? We are grown up and clean people, we would leave the flat spotless.

The first and last time we went to the French Riviera, a glass of coke was a fiver and that was about 5 years ago. You totally do not want to go there unless you have lots of dosh. Not the point I know, but just saying it is super ripoffsville

Yanbu to be pissed off though. I'd be disappointed not to be offered as I can't imagine having a second property somewhere lovely and not sharing it with my family but that just me. I think it's hard to guess how things might be with support when you have children as it's a totally different scenario.

MistressPage I hear you...