DH's parents have a flat on the riviera and don't offer us to go

[tilda0]

DHs mother and 12 years husband own a flat on the coast of France and they rent a house in the countryside. They don't offer us to go and mil knows that we are not rolling I. money at all.
We are sometimes invited to the countryside (2h away from where we live) but only if they are there and/or if it's Christmas or some sort of celebration.

Not nice! Or aibu?

I can't believe that my DH thinks that they will be reliable to help with child (unborn yet!). They obviously have their own schedule planned and rules set.

Who do you think you are? It's not unreasonable to ask but it's their house not yours yet and they're not required to do anything for you ... disgusting and entitled behaviour

And maybe he should be more plan making? Asking his parents 'oh you know your house in the riviera ? Me and DP are free from X to X ... is there any chance we'd be able to stay at your property as we're low on money due to DC'

Is there a backstory re your DH not looking after their stuff?

Yabu
They probably need the rental income to keep it going but you would obviously want it for free?

To those two btches calli335 and ThinkOfTheHorses* read the whole thread. 'Disgusting behaviour' really?? We will probably never go there and im just wondering why and you qualify that as 'disgusting'.
They don't rent it out! calli335

tilda, people like to throw words like "disgusting" and (my favourite) "vile" around all the time on MN, to describe the mildest of behaviour.

You sound perfectly reasonable to me. Maybe a little bewildered or hurt that your mil hasn't invited you to use one of her homes for a holiday. I get why you are a bit puzzled by it. It's fine to feel that way. You haven't said you're going to confront her, or cut her out of your lives, or take any extreme action at all. There's nothing disgusting about feeling a bit hurt or confused.

Maybe the relationship between your mil and your DH is a bit different to what you're used to. To some people on this thread, it's strange to be confused by her not inviting you. To others, like me, her choice not to invite you is a bit strange. No, she's not obliged to invite you and you're not entitled to it. It's just that I can't imagine any family I know, (including those who own multiple properties), not inviting their dcs to use their holiday homes. If they misused the property in any way, then most parents I know would be able to have words with their dc. Different to say, an elderly aunt who doesn't flush the loo before she leaves. Easier in that case just not to let people stay.

Maybe there is some secret reason for it though (they're renting it out and for some reason don't want people to know that, someone else is staying in it, they have some sort of sex dungeon set up - who knows)?

I'm sure you'll get used to the family dynamic the longer you stay married to her DS.

It is a bit mean, given they don't even let it out commercially (so not forgoing income/ return on investment). However as others have said, you can't expect it.
The step-parent thing could be a factor. Does he have kids himself that are messy, or have horror children allowed to rampage with Ribena cartons and sticky lollies? It could be a case of "If we say yes to Restless and partner, how can we turn all the other family down?"
My ex-husband and his partner have a flat in Gran Canaria, our adult daughter asked if she and boyfriend could stay, they don't rent it out and it's empty at least 10 months of the year. They said no. She accepted it but did tartly tell her dad that it would be tit for tat if and when she has a place abroad. He's so entitled and lazy he'd be like a rat out of a trap to get his dibs in in that scenario.
My husband and I have a seaside flat here in the UK, my dd has stayed there with 3 successive boyfriends. Their standards of cleaning don't match ours, but they do try and don't take the piss so we grin and bear it.

I think it can be a different matter entirely when people let out their holiday homes. Asking them for a school holiday week is tantamount to asking someone to give you their wages for a week or more so you can go on holiday. If you wouldn't do that, don't ask them to forgo the income for a peak week in their rental property.
Friends of ours have a villa that just about pays for itself via lettings through a reputable agency. It is let through all but one peak week (which they take for themselves to visit with friends with school-age children). They take other weeks out of school holidays but if they started giving peak weeks away, or staying there themselves, they would be massively out of pocket. Most of the return is made in 8 peak weeks.

It is sad to see some of the patronising posts on here, and such hostile criticism on the OPs use of English. Particularly when one such poster, was clearly somewhat lacking herself!
Anyway, back to the original AIBU.
My brother & sil have had a large holiday home a short flight away for over 20 years. We regularly holiday in the same area, and often rented somewhere nearby while their place lay empty. But we would never ask, and they have never offered, and moreso, I wouldn't expect them to. It is essentially their home, albeit a holiday home. SIL parents also have a couple of huge holiday homes, and while they have often holidayed there together, they have never stayed there without her parents. Perhaps it's just how some people are, they like to ensure they are there to play host.
As for the childcare help OP, I certainly wouldn't base my location around any potential help that may or may not be forthcoming. My parents died before I had kids and mil lives other side of the world, so it ceratainly didn't feature in our kid plan agenda! Good luck

'It is sad to see some of the patronising posts on here, and such hostile criticism on the OPs use of English'
That's mn unfortunately. Should be renamed PatronsingNet

'Who do you think you are? '
Honestly, they are her dhs parents, it really isn't that much of a stretch to think they may occasionally let family members use their holiday home. Anyone would think she was expecting year round free rental with room service the way some people are pearl clutching.

MiddleClassProblem

I am astonished that some people only think about money in this situation

If it's not about the money, pay for your own holiday.

I don't know anyone in real life who would think it's reasonable to not invite their adult children to their holiday/country home. We're shamelessly plotting a ski chalet to keep our kids coming around into adulthood.

Why are so many people nowadays expecting help from parents with childcare? If you can't afford to give up work or pay for childcare then don't have kids! You are being totally unreasonable, it's their property they can do what they want with it and pre judging them on how good they'll be as grandparents because they won't let you stay in their house for free is appalling in my opinion

I agree with Tessbelle

It is unreasonable to expect them to give you free holidays

It is unreasonable to expect them to help with child care.

Why don't you just live your own life, independent of your parents and PILs?

I don't get the clingyness and entitlement at all, but surely it is to your own detriment, to live like that.

It does sound like they are very distant but really it is up to your partner to answer these questions or address them.
Sounds pretty mean to me but I do not know the circs.
Do they dislike you? Can you mend that?

Are you an adult ?
I merely ask as this level of expectation And entitlement I associated with my teenagers. I don't wish to sound harsh but bloody hell! They owe you nothing.

I find this an odd thing to ask on AIBU. Even if a load of strangers say that they'd let their adult kids and their families use their holiday home when it was free it doesn't alter the fact that your husband's mum and stepfather don't want to do this and only want other people in their properties when they are there.
I'd stop fretting about it.

I would be upset too If my or DH parents owned a property abroad and never let us stay there once in a while.

Miserable people if you ask me.

My parents had a caravan, which they used solely themselves. They'd worked hard for it and they loved it. It wasn't bought so any fucker could have a free holiday.

I never once resented them their enjoyment. I was really happy for them.