To ask for your opinions on lap dances?

[snoopypoodle]

Just something I've been thinking about recently that's been brought on about a MNs DH watching porn and how it broke her boundaries.
BTW this is about men in relationships!!! IDRC what people do when they're single.

I don't mind porn. I don't encourage or approve much of men going to strip clubs but I wouldn't blow my top over it. However I do have quite specific views on lap dances.

I think there's not too much harm in going to a strip club and having a look if there's a group of lads on a stag do etc once in a blue moon (I wouldn't mind watching a male stripper on a hen do).
But the idea of actually paying for a girl to dance on your lap wiggle and grind her (probably naked or v.exposed) bits against you is a completely different matter.
You wouldn't let a strange woman you don't know come up to you and do that in a bar on a night out so why would you pay for it in a strip club?

The more I think about it the more I would see it as cheating if my DP did this. We've talked about it in the past as I know when he was single he did it with his friends etc and he said he doesn't really see the harm in it ie "it's just a bit of fun" . But he has admitted that I'm probably right in saying that he most likely would not like for me to have a naked man wave his penis in my face and grind on me etc.

I don't want to be OTT but as I keep giving it more thought I feel like that would be my "boundary". I would feel sick and really put off if my DP came home after a night out and tried to cuddle/touch me after having a naked woman grind on him a couple of hours before hand.

AIBU to ask what your opinions are ?

[PamBagnallsGotACollage]

*it isn't

[ThymeLord]

I think the people saying "my partner would NEVER watch pron or go to a strip club" are so deluded

Didn't think it would be long before that was trotted out. You have a very low opinion of men it seems. My partner is more than happy to walk away if a group he is with go into a place where they sell women's bodies. He has done so in the past and I have no doubt he would do so again.

[NameChangr678]

It comparable. And is it a real choice?! Yeah, within a system where women's bodies can be bought and sold. Would you seriously be ok if a daughter or niece chose this as a career?!

Meh, they're selling a service (as are all of within our jobs).

I'd never do it and I wouldn't be pleased, but they're not actively harming anyone and if they are truly happy doing that, then that's their choice. Men's bodies can be bought and sold too - there's just not such a huge market for it, because women are still more ashamed of "sleeping around" than men are, so don't do it as often - if a woman wanted to "take someone home" for the night, there'd be a huge market of men willing to do it for free.

[WhatALoadOfOldBollocks]

Would you pay for a man to lap dance/grind on/for you?

No way. I love the look of fit men, but fit men, oiled up (euww!), prancing around in a thong (a very bad look IMO), trying to be sexy (oh god NO!), is so unbelievably unsexy to me and I actually cringe with embarrassment (for them as much as me). I can't even watch it on TV without recoiling. A fit man, if I was dating him, in tight boxers, no oil or dancing...all over him like a rash

[NameChangr678]

My partner is more than happy to walk away if a group he is with go into a place where they sell women's bodies.

Yes, sure - I hear this a lot but then I also hear about endless stories of lying and cheating husbands on MN - see @Scoobydoobydont and many posters above.

[TheNaze73]

Why is having a male stripper at a hen do, considered a bit of a laugh, yet a female stripper is considered seedy??

Strippers aren't my bag in the slightest. I think more men & woman use porn than people choose to admit on here.

[stitchglitched]

I think both are seedy TheNaze, but the power dynamic isn't the same between the two sexes so I can understand why some view it differently.

[PamBagnallsGotACollage]

Namechanger, you have v low expectations of men.

No, not all are actively hurting anyone but they. Retail you are enabling and supporting an 'industry' that damages many women and girls.

[PamBagnallsGotACollage]

*the certainly are (not retail!!)

[ThymeLord]

I'm not sure who you are trying to convince here NameChangr. Do you not know many men who are feminist allies? Perhaps he's making it all up just so i'll sleep with him. You know what men are like.

[Worriednurse]

I think it's cheating if in a relationship. It's one on one physical contact for a sexual experience and there is grinding and much more happens too. I have had male friends go and have dances and also know someone who worked in a club and the no hands rule definitely wasn't followed. If you were in a nightclub with your dh/dp and you went to the bar and came back to find a naked/scantily clad woman grinding all over him with her body parts in his face would it be acceptable? In my opinion the fact that a man is paying for the dance makes it so much worse.

[nina2b]

Urgh

[PinguForPresident]

I don't have a problem with it.

[MamaLazarou]

I can't imagine even going on a date with that kind of man, let alone marrying one.

Surely you know what kind of attitude someone has towards women before you start seeing them?

[KERALA1]

Agree Whataload with your embarrassment comment. I cannot get my head round the whole scenario. So essentially in public you pay someone attractive (who probably hates you at worst indifferent at best and if not paid would not give you the time of day) to wiggle all over you - you presumably get aroused? - in front of your friends and/or work colleagues? How is that not literally a nightmare of embarrassment?

The whole thing is sinister and fucking weird if you ask me. If my DH did it I would be baffled and concerned he had undergone some sort of head injury to think this was ok.

[snoopypoodle]

TheNaze73 I think it's because it kind of is that way to an extent. I'm not saying in all cases.

But I've spoken to lots of women who experienced male strippers and naked butlers etc and it seems when there's male strippers involved it's usually a more cheeky/fun approach (Women getting embarrassed and giggling) as most of it only happens at hen dos or "ladies nights" where it's all very out in the open and genuinely a bit of fun. The most recent one I heard about was a ladies only night in a local bar where they had shirtless butlers who later did a routine dance and stripped to their thongs.

I'm not saying more extreme things don't happen but the majority are still more like I mentioned above as I do think women tend to approach it differently and it's more a funny thing than a serious thing.

For men it always seems more seedy especially the circumstances etc it's most likely in a strip club or very private setting where the girl/s get naked and expose themselves in a sexual way rather than it intending to be fun.
I'm not saying women don't find male strippers sexy or attractive but I think it's generally on how they act/perform and the setting that changes the tone.

[FlyingElbows]

NameChangr678, I'm not deluded. Mr Elbows declined his invitation to his brother's stag do specifically because he has no interest in going to a strip joint. He was the best man! He's a good bloke, they really do exist.

Lap dancing is just Prostitution Lite and prostitution has no place in our marriage. We make that choice as mutually respectful adults. It's our choice for us, what other people choose for themselves is their business and I most certainly won't be throwing the "cool girl" insult at any woman just because her preferences are different to mine. It's insulting and the very worst sort of "misogyny masquerading as feminism". There are some great mn users who post really interesting things from a feminist perspective and then totally undermine their credibility by spitting that venom. Pisses me right off.

Mr Elbows also works with a collection of men (both straight and gay) who are quite happy to openly discuss their use of prostitutes. They see it as nothing more than live masturbation. They give him the creeps because they are so completely not what he is. One of them, a new start, asked him where the local strip joints are and was completely bemused when Mr Elbows told him he had no idea and no interest in finding out. He doesn't like football or getting pissed either!

[Fibbertigibbet]

I don't know if I would see a lap dance as cheating (probably would), but I certainly would lose all respect for a man who was interested in purchasing one. It's sad, sleazy, creepy, and shows exactly what they think of women.

If DH went into a strip club, even if it was on a stag do, I don't think they'd be the person who I thought I married.

[snoopypoodle]

Also I agree with what stitch said.

[Bluntness100]

Would you seriously be ok if a daughter or niece chose this as a career

The harsh reality is their body their choice. We didn't get to dictate to other adults. No I wouldn't like it if my daughter did it, she wishes to be a lawyer, has just completed her second year, and I doubt it would help her career path, but my role is to advise not to approve at the end of the day. It's not many women's aspirations, but then neither is working in McDonald's.

Op, why did I find it comical? Because he was pissed, the guys were egging him on and taking the piss and when he tried to explain it to me, apparantly she was wearing a bobble hat. I think he meant a sequinned cap, and apparantly she was very pretty with red hair. I seriously doubt she was remotely interested in my husband, more she went through the motions like she did with any other guy, collected her money and didn't give him a second thought, as he didn't her.

Lap dances are three mins or something, generally there is no touching, it's more about proximity and visualisation, and I really don't see it as personal enough to be cheating.

If a female friend did it to him, I'd have an issue with it. As would he me. I'd also have an issue with it if he was going on his own and regularly in as much as I would think that's weird, but once in a blue moon, meh, no biggie. I'd also rather he was honest with me, rather than lie through his teeth about how he'd never do it and it's disgusting and degrading to women, like a lot of men do.

[NameChangr678]

Namechanger, you have v low expectations of men.
He's a good bloke, they really do exist.

I know, I'm going out with a good bloke. It's just the amount of threads I've seen here from women who claim their husband would "never cheat" or "would never do X" but ends up doing exactly that, is alarming. Even what the posters above said - it's all disillusioned my idealistic view.

I don't have a bad view of men but we have to be realistic that everyone lies/doesn't admit to things they are ashamed of.

[Catinthecorner]

I've got a few friends who dance for a living. They, personally, love their jobs and would hate a nice, secure, safe office job.

I've had a lap dance from one (she was teaching me how to do it) and it was amazing.

Oh and they generally agree women on their own are the worst customers (making assumptions, bad tippers and more handsy then the men), and couples are the best (practically no work at all because they generally want to get turned on and go DTD)

[PamBagnallsGotACollage]

bluntness how sad we live in a world where women have to make that choice about their bodies. Just because we do doesn't make it right. It just doesn't.

[PamBagnallsGotACollage]

Not true namechangr. Some men are good enough, respectful enough not to do those things in the first place.

[stitchglitched]

A group of pissed up guys and a woman 'going through the motions' sounds anything but comical to me.