To ask for your opinions on lap dances?

[snoopypoodle]

Just something I've been thinking about recently that's been brought on about a MNs DH watching porn and how it broke her boundaries.
BTW this is about men in relationships!!! IDRC what people do when they're single.

I don't mind porn. I don't encourage or approve much of men going to strip clubs but I wouldn't blow my top over it. However I do have quite specific views on lap dances.

I think there's not too much harm in going to a strip club and having a look if there's a group of lads on a stag do etc once in a blue moon (I wouldn't mind watching a male stripper on a hen do).
But the idea of actually paying for a girl to dance on your lap wiggle and grind her (probably naked or v.exposed) bits against you is a completely different matter.
You wouldn't let a strange woman you don't know come up to you and do that in a bar on a night out so why would you pay for it in a strip club?

The more I think about it the more I would see it as cheating if my DP did this. We've talked about it in the past as I know when he was single he did it with his friends etc and he said he doesn't really see the harm in it ie "it's just a bit of fun" . But he has admitted that I'm probably right in saying that he most likely would not like for me to have a naked man wave his penis in my face and grind on me etc.

I don't want to be OTT but as I keep giving it more thought I feel like that would be my "boundary". I would feel sick and really put off if my DP came home after a night out and tried to cuddle/touch me after having a naked woman grind on him a couple of hours before hand.

AIBU to ask what your opinions are ?

At the end of the day it's all about how you allow yourself to be treated.

@Bluntness, exactly. I do think some women are very naive/deluded on what their husbands would/wouldn't get up to if given the chance. "My husband would never watch porn!"....sure, pull the other one.

Obvs, if as a wife you go in with the "I find these things disgusting and so should you", they're going to say "Yes I think it's an abomination!" to keep you happy, regardless of their actual opinion. Better to be honest.

@peachgreen, it's just reality. Loads of posters have said here that men lie to their wives. My BF says on his rugby team about 5 guys regularly cheat on their wives (some with 3 kids) and the wives have no idea.

Many men wouldn't, of course, but many would. Same for women.

So these guys don't just think it's okay to go to these places, it's okay to lie too. Real princes among men.

Sad is the main emotion lap dancing makes me feel.

peachgreen - I'm not sure what you mean about having low opinions of men.

I certainly don't hate men (on the contrary the opposite is true!)

If both parties are happy with any situation then who am I to judge? As I said earlier - it's a question of boundaries.

I think there are some horrible men and I think there are some horrible women.

Probally going to get set on fire here, I took my dh to a strip club years ago, I was mainly intrigued and wanted to go I'm nosy like that, anyway we had lap dances while sat next to each other and he hated it, he said it was so cringey and akward and I have to say I agree! It's not a sexy as you would think and I honestly don't get the appeal

I wouldn't think of it as 'cheating' but would NoT approve. If his mates paid on a stag do and it happened as he told me and felt a bit embarrassed I'd chalk it up to his mates and the stereotype of stag dos and quickly get over it.
If he purchased it in seriousness and repeatedly and liked it I'd feel a bit sick and be very mad at him because I think it's gross and that that's a woman not a toy - even if she chose her job freely- I would question what kind of bloke he was and whether he considered our relationship serious.

Plus it's just lecherous and I don't do leches

Try as I might, I cannot get bothered about DH being in a strip club on the various stag dos he's been on. I've been at a couple of events where there have been male strippers, so...

But, actually paying for a LD is a very, very different kettle of fish and it's not something I would forgive.

And I don't have an issue with porn x

Strip clubs and lap dances would be a total deal breaker for me. My DH is fully aware of that, and has never been and has no desire to ever go to a strip club. He says he finds the whole concept weird and seedy, and desperately unsexy. Then again, he doesn't view women or sex as commoditities, shockingly not all men do

I also know from our previous conversations me viewing male strippers or having a lap dance would be a deal breaker for him.

P.s for his stag do and for the stag do in which he is best man they went out flying in a plane, had a BBQ and camped. Not all men require purchased nudity on a stag do and thank fuck for that.

You are actually being incredibly rude NameChangr*. Telling people they are deluded and naive and insinuating that all these husbands and partners are cock-led liars. Maybe your experience of men is that they are lieing dogs who can't resist a bit of tit but that doesn't mean all men are like that. It's strange how we feminists get called man haters when actually it's the complete opposite.

It's not the "cheating" element that should be the issue. It's the fact that any man who supports the porn industry does not care about the subjugation and exploitation of women- and who would want to have a relationship with a man like that?

He says he finds the whole concept weird and seedy, and desperately unsexy. Then again, he doesn't view women or sex as commoditities, shockingly not all men do hmm

Yep. My husband has that same view. Weird and seedy are words that are quite apposite, in fact. I wonder if some women actually know the first thing about...erm...nicer men.

You are actually being incredibly rude NameChangr. Telling people they are deluded and naive and insinuating that all these husbands and partners are cock-led liars. Maybe your experience of men is that they are lieing dogs who can't resist a bit of tit but that doesn't mean all men are like that.*

Absolutely not. I've never been cheated on, half of my best friends are blokes, and they have never cheated on any of their girlfriends. When did I say ALL men? I didn't. I said a number of men.

The sheer amount of cheating/strip club stories I have heard on here (like the men who told their wives they didn't go, when in fact they did), from friends and from my BF's stories from his rugby team, tell me that statistically speaking, many men must be unknowingly cheating on their wives or visiting strip clubs.

Remember the "earrings" thread, the "French Martini" one and the one who was secretly on an app. Clearly it happens doesn't it!

I feel quite sorry for women who resort to such dodgy "work".

who supports the porn industry does not care about the subjugation and exploitation of women

Or they are just ignorant of it and think the women have made a free job choice and are enjoying it, which is indeed the case for some women. Obviously not for many others.

Also, men and women should I say - both sexes can be guilty of lying to their partners and "cheating" in various forms.

I'm paying for my partner to have a stripper at his stag. It is all for a laugh and I don't consider it to be cheating because it is the dancer's job and she is only doing it because she is being paid. I know that men like to look at attractive women, I don't think there is a problem with that. It's a lap dance not an affair, I personally am not bothered.

I have friends that strip and do lap dances etc and they have a good laugh and make much more money than I do. They are lovely, intelligent women, who aren't exploited and it's easy money for them. I think there will be pearl clutching from people who only know about strippers from cheesy films.

I want a male stripper at my hen

I have friends that strip and do lap dances etc and they have a good laugh and make much more money than I do.

Exactly, I think the people who assume all women are downtrodden and forced into and must HATE their job and would all rather be working in an office are being a bit patronising. Some women enjoy it. So what?

"Exactly, I think the people who assume all women are downtrodden and forced into and must HATE their job and would all rather be working in an office are being a bit patronising"

I think the people who assume all women are happy smiley Belle du Jour characters working their way through college having multiple orgasms with clean, healthy respectful clients every afternoon are a bit naive.