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Original poster

What are the logistics of cancelling a wedding?

542 replies

RestlessTraveller · 10/06/2017 08:52

Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck. I'm chief bridesmaid for my best friend TODAY, AND SHE's just decided she can't go through with it. We're in a hotel,both of the families are here as well as quite a few of the guests. Apparently drowning myself in prosecco is not an option, so I need practical advice.

OP posts:
IndianaMoleWoman · 10/06/2017 08:54

Is it just nerves? Might she change her mind? What time is the wedding?

StressedMover · 10/06/2017 08:54

Last minute jitters, why does she feel this way?

ItWentInMyEye · 10/06/2017 08:54

Fuck! I have no idea but I hope she's really sure!

wowbutter · 10/06/2017 08:54

Go to reception and tell them, they'll be able to help.
Get one of the mums on board.
Give the exbride a drink, and gather people to help start this process.

Registrar needs calling, the groom needs to be told, the hotel needs to start cancelling.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 10/06/2017 08:54

You will probably need to go and tell the guests and the minister/registrar.

Why has she decided? Is it something that is really big or just last minute nerves?

treaclesoda · 10/06/2017 08:55

Cancelling a wedding would be a nightmare, but not as big a nightmare as an unhappy marriage and a miserable divorce. For both of them.

If she is serious about not going through with it, she needs to go and tell the groom, she can't just run away.

donajimena · 10/06/2017 08:55

Oh my word. I have no idea
Just reassure her that its better to do it now than go ahead. Yes hearts will be broken and money lost but far better than trying to disentangle and divorce.

Florence16 · 10/06/2017 08:55

Oh crap. She needs to tell the groom, has she done so? Families can help sort out everything else, and they need to hear before other guests too. Then you can stay with your friend, I expect you being with her will be more helpful than sorting out the logistics. Is there a wedding co ordinator you can get in touch with who's helped organise the day? Flowers

MargaretCavendish · 10/06/2017 08:56

Clearly you know her well, so I presume you can tell that this is what she really wants and not something she needs to think about and talk through further. Assuming that's the case...

Is the wedding at the hotel? If so there must be a member of staff there who is 'in charge' of the wedding. Go find them, asap. Is her family there? Does she like them? If so then go get them, too.

Someone needs to tell the no-longer-the-groom now. Don't let him get dressed and ready; it only makes it crueller.

SometimesMaybe · 10/06/2017 08:56

If it's nerves then could she speak to the groom? If it's because he's awful then speak to reception and get the ball rolling.

IHeartKingThistle · 10/06/2017 08:57

Bloody hell people - I've read so many times on here people saying 'I wish I'd never married him'. Having the balls to call something off before making a massive mistake isn't last minute jitters!

I'd call the registrar/vicar first. Then anyone travelling with equipment like caterers. Then worry about guests.

Sounds like you're looking out for your friend. Hope it all ends well for her.

Tartle · 10/06/2017 08:59

No experience so this is just logic but I would

A) find out why and try to eliminate last minute nerves. Get her to talk to her parents if helpful but not if they will put pressure on.

B) she needs to tell groom

C) Call ceremony venue and tell them. Cancel registrar/ vicar

D) decide what to do about reception. Presumably it will all be non refundable at this stage? I'd be tempted to try and get what I could out of it in terms of drinks/raw materials.

E) most vendors will have already prepared/delivered but cancel the photographer and the band in good time. Also cars and any transport in between venues.

F) for gods sake drink aallllllllll the prosecco!

Hopefully it's just cold feet though.

MargaretCavendish · 10/06/2017 09:01

I'd call the registrar/vicar first. Then anyone travelling with equipment like caterers. Then worry about guests.

I'd do the opposite. The caterer etc are going to have to paid be paid now whatever (though I'm hoping the whole thing will be at the hotel, which would make it much, much simpler to sort all that). Your friend doesn't want or need a big room full of people needing to be told, though. The quicker family start ringing round guests the better.

Original poster
RestlessTraveller · 10/06/2017 09:02

Ok. She's getting dressed (which I probably need to do also) She's been up all night and has come to the conclusion she's doesn't want to be married to anyone. I don't think it's last minute nerves, she's eerily calm. When she get's dressed she going to see the groom and tell him, so I'm probably not going to do anything until she's back from that, just in case there's another change of plan. (The fact that she's just booked herself on a flight to New York tomorrow tells me this isn't likely)

OP posts:
PaperdollCartoon · 10/06/2017 09:02

Bless her. If it's not last minute nerves that's a big decision to make, but better to get out now than out of a marriage if she's really not sure.
She needs to tell the groom, the rest is horrible but easy enough to take care of.

BlondeB83 · 10/06/2017 09:02

Firstly get his friends and family out. I would suggest only her nearest and dearest in the room, possibly only her dad if he's there as man tend to be less emotional on these situations, her mum may panic. Speak to her calmly and make sure she is absolutely serious about this. After that obviously she or someone needs to speak to the groom. When it's decided she will cancel, the vicar and registrar etc need to know although to be honest I would probably go ahead with the meal for the guests as it will all have been paid for.

If she's serious she is very brave.

Flowers for you both xx

BlondeB83 · 10/06/2017 09:03

Meant vicar, registrar and venue.

AlternativeTentacle · 10/06/2017 09:04

If she is serious about not going through with it, she needs to go and tell the groom, she can't just run away.

To be fair, yes she can just run away.

IntrusiveBastards · 10/06/2017 09:04

Is she nervous or genuinely wanting it called off? My sister should have called hers off but didn't have the will to in the end. My friend had jitters due to anxiety about public functions so still wanted marriage but the wedding freaked her.

She needs to tell the groom first.

Slarti · 10/06/2017 09:05

My friends are getting married today. I hope it's not them! Shock

I wish you luck resolving and dealing with this OP!

IntrusiveBastards · 10/06/2017 09:06

X post. See how it plays out op. It's better she changes her mind now, then afterwards even if it is going to cause heartache.

My2favboys · 10/06/2017 09:08

Make sure you tell her how incredibly brave she's being, it probably would have been much easier at this stage to just go through with it.fair play to her

Underthemoonlight · 10/06/2017 09:10

Bloody hell people - I've read so many times on here people saying 'I wish I'd never married him'. Having the balls to call something off before making a massive mistake isn't last minute jitters!

This ^

It's clear from ops update that this isn't nerves. I would advise to be the best friend you can be a support her.

kaytee87 · 10/06/2017 09:10

God the poor groom Shock if the reason is she just doesnt want to be married and he's not actually done anything wrong then I can't imagine how mortified and upset he will be. Not suggesting she should marry him if she doesn't want to though.
Tell motb now, if she's anything like my mum she'll deal with it!

PurpleDaisies · 10/06/2017 09:10

I'd just wait and see what happens for now. I doubt it'll really make a difference what gets cancelled first because it's so late that most things will need paying anyway.

If she isn't sure, it's better to lose the money than get married and divorce as lots of people have said.