What are the logistics of cancelling a wedding?

[RestlessTraveller]

Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck. I'm chief bridesmaid for my best friend TODAY, AND SHE's just decided she can't go through with it. We're in a hotel,both of the families are here as well as quite a few of the guests. Apparently drowning myself in prosecco is not an option, so I need practical advice.

[Rachie1986]

Oh my goodness. Well done for being so calm and collected op. Just support her in any way you can x

[ApplePizza]

I hope it's done sensitively. Right or wrong, poor man

[Florence16]

I agree she is very brave to do this. Someone telling her it's last minute jitters reinforces she should just go along with it which is by far the easy thing to do anyway. I don't know how common real cold feet are that are only 'jitters'.

[RestlessTraveller]

Ok, we'll she's off to tell the groom and I'm just sat here, eying the prosecco.

I kind of thought this might be coming, she's not really the settling down type. I just didn't think she would wait until today. For those of you who suggested getting her mum in to talk to her, the idea briefly flew into my brain before I remembered that her mum is like a cross between Hyacinth Bucket and Peggy Mitchell and wouldn't probably help the situation.

So I'll just sit here and wait...it's like the calm before the storm.

[TryHarderWillis]

I feel bad for your bride but surely she knew before now she didn't want to do it!

[Didiusfalco]

She needs to tell the groom first. Then everyone on the phone to guests plus someone at venue to tell those who haven't heard and turn up anyway. the rest will just be admin and presumably some unavoidable costs. Obviously not right to go ahead but still an awful thing to do to someone. I'm not keen on the idea that this is 'brave' she should have got her shit together earlier.

[Justanothernameonthepage]

Ok, well once she gets back from the groom and the cancellation is definite. Find out what they want to do with the food (donate it to a homeless shelter? Throw a screw it, we're here anyway party?)
You need to
A) tell the parents and siblings
B) get the bridesmaids & groomsmen to start telling guests. Get someone to head to the venue to inform any guests turning up who were uncontactable.
C) call registrar, venues, photographer, catering, florists, entertainment, Make up Artist. (Flowers can be donated).
D) get dresses etc packed up.

[YogiYoni]

Oh gosh. Hopefully she'll come back from seeing him with a plan, but if not I think I'd: - tell the families and other bridesmaids first - divide guest list and get on the phone

• If there's a wedding fb group or website or whatever then post a short simple statement telling people the wedding is not going ahead so please don't travel to the venue
  
• take bride and prosecco somewhere else (airport hotel?!) so that she's away from the questions

[spiney]

Once she's told the groom and then the 2 sets of parents I think this situation will take on a life of its own. People ( them) are going to be very, very upset and emotional wether they support her or not. It's very understandable. Emotions will be very high.

You are her bridesmaid and her friend ( I presume) and so very much there for her. Try to keep calm and quiet and just get her back. And help her whether you agree with what she's done or not. Your friendship will go on to outlive this wedding and the potential chaos she is about unleash.

Don't fuel the high emotions. You can help her practically. Get her things together. Give messages for her. Phone calls. Drive her somewhere if she needs it. This is her hour of need. Judgements or opinions are not for now.

[PurpleDaisies]

I feel bad for your bride but surely she knew before now she didn't want to do it!

It's easy to just get caught up in all the things to do that you don't really take time to think "is this the right thing?" Plus as the day gets closer you can put it down to nerves rather than accepting it isn't the right thing to do, and then there's the horrible thought of what cancelling it would be like.

I can understand the burying her head in the sand coping mechanism and it's good she's at least decided to call it off now.

[Justanothernameonthepage]

Oh, and if the families are the type to make the situation worse, book the bride into a hotel (or a friend's house) so they won't be able to browbeat her.

[BG2015]

Oh my goodness! That's a grave thing to do cancelling a wedding.

[JiminnyCricket]

Oh god, if he's done nothing wrong the poor groom and his family

This is grim.

[BG2015]

*brave not grave

[VladmirsPoutine]

Does your friend know you're essentially live posting her life over MN?
You know, stoking the 'live' drama?

[ChasedByBees]

Wow. You could make a plan of people to call and things to do while you're waiting as it must be hard waiting to hear the outcome.

[MacarenaFerreiro]

Poor guy.

Poor OP -agree with others you need to rope in help here of whoever is around. Other bridesmaids, best man etc. No long conversations about the whys and wherefores with anyone - just a plea to pass on the info as soon as possible and deal with the practicalities and leave the analysis for tomorrow.

[babybubblescomingsoon]

Oh bless her. Very brave of her though to actually put herself first in this situation. and for both.

[Trills]

take bride and prosecco somewhere else (airport hotel?!) so that she's away from the questions

That's kind to your friend but rather unkind to the groom, if he is to be left to deal with the admin after being very publicly dumped.

"You're dumped AND you have to sort everything out, I'm off, byeeeeeeeee".

Is there anyone who can be trusted to be responsible about organising everything?

[spiney]

Get dressed OP. Get off the fizz. It's about to hit the fan and you can support her.

( save some bottles for later. You will need it. )

[becausebecausebecause]

It's as well she's calling it off because she clearly is either way too immature to be married to anyone, leaving it this late, or a total drama queen - neither particularly good bets for a long and stable marriage.

Essentially she's dumping her bf in a very public and expensive manner. New York's a nice touch too. Oh the drama!

[Lj8893]

Oh wow, I came on here to say I cancelled my first wedding, but that was about 4 months before the actual day so was a lot easier!

I'm glad she's going to speak to the groom, after that I guess it will be a case of talking to whoever is in charge at the hotel and going from there. I doubt they will get any money back though, so the guests that are already here may as well have the food and drink since they are already there!

Definitely have some prosseco!

[RestlessTraveller]

Vlad believe me there is no stoking of live drama. I've never seen anything less dramatic than my best friend calmly telling me what she was about to do. As my post said I am looking for advice on the practicalities ,not wailing about how awful this all is.

Thank you everyone, still waiting. If I vanish for a bit it'll be because there's stuff to do.

[GnomeDePlume]

On a practical note,

• make sure that guests who have travelled are catered for.
  
• officiate needs to be told
  
• all guests need to be told
  
• inform caterers, photographer etc etc
  
• wedding gifts have to be politely returned (including any money gifts)

[kaytee87]

This will definitely end up in the daily fail