What are the logistics of cancelling a wedding?

[RestlessTraveller]

Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck. I'm chief bridesmaid for my best friend TODAY, AND SHE's just decided she can't go through with it. We're in a hotel,both of the families are here as well as quite a few of the guests. Apparently drowning myself in prosecco is not an option, so I need practical advice.

[Totallybonkersmum]

Crikey, she should really have sorted this out sooner.
We went to a wedding which seemed rather odd as the bride and groom were hardly talking, yet alone anything else.
They asked for cash for their three week honeymoon.
TBH, even now I feel pissed off as in essence they used the guest's money for a free holiday, then came back and announced they were splitting up. There were absolutely no offers of reimbursement either!
So we feel cross because we spent an absolute fortune to go. My children needed new outfits as they had nothing smart and suitable. Same for myself and OH. We paid for fuel to get there and back, which happened to be a long distance away. We paid for two nights accommodation. We also have them cash as requested.
In total, we paid well in excess of a £1000. An awful lot of money, when my husband has been made redundant and I can't work due to serious illness.
If we'd been told earlier, we could have got refunds on the clothes as they're definitely not our everyday type clothing. We would have kept the wedding present money. we could have cancelled the accommodation given enough notice and not spent a fortune on a six hundred mile trip.
I still feel pretty angry, tbh, and 'used' to pay for their 'honeymoon'.
It would have taken some sting out of it if they'd offered to reimburse us, but no, not a penny.
They came back, had the marriage annulled. Within weeks both were dating other people.
If we get a wedding invite next time around, I think I won't be responsible for my actions!
So in essence, if anybody has doubts and decides to not actually marry and stay married (for a while at least; I do accept people divorce, but not immediately after a wedding where the guests have paid for the three week honeymoon!) the earlier you stop the proceedings, the less money people will have forked out. At the very least they should have refunded the wedding present of cash!
Gggrrrr. Just saying...
And yes, if they happen to read this, I couldn't give a monkeys!

[AnnaT45]

I feel for you OP and your friend. Those saying the 'bride' should have done it before, yes probably but it's easy to get carried away and go through the motions.

I know of both sides of this. Someone very close to me pulled out of their wedding a couple of days before. Everyone had flown abroad for it. At no point did I ever feel angry over the money, I would hate someone I cared about to go through a wedding just because people had spent money. Both involved are now happily married to other people.

The other side is someone knew they shouldn't go through with it and did. Six weeks later they left their partner after a big expensive wedding. The spouse was humiliated and it has changed them a person. You have to wait a year to get divorced and that can be very distressing for those involved. The scars are still left from the whole experience and the spouse who was left has really struggled with trust and confidence as a result.

So whilst I appreciate people have spent money, travelled etc sometimes you have to look beyond that. Your friend has huge courage and even though it was at the last minute she has done the right thing

[Phoebefromfriends]

OP you sound like a lovely friend, I hope you get some time to rest it sounds like you did a sterling job. I'm not going to judge your friend as no-one really knows what is going on in someone else's life, but I agree no-one should get married just because people are attending, as crap as it is for the guests. I hope both parties can move on with their lives.

[HattietheManatee]

RestlessTraveller what a wonderful friend you are.

[Dottydoll]

What happened????

[OccasionalNachos]

Well done, OP. What an awful situation for everyone involved.

[IPreferCatstoPeople]

Can I just say that I have never seen a thread with so many nasty comments and deleted messages on it in MN before.
You are all entitled to your opinion, but the poor op was just trying to be a good friend.
OP, I hope you got to drink that prosecco, even if just to celebrate surviving the experience xxx

[CalmShambala]

If the groom is really nice and you are single I would steam in there

[29Palms]

IPreferCats As far as I saw, none of the deleted comments were critical of OP.

[StatisticallyChallenged]

Some of the deletions are there because they quoted - and then criticised - a particularly vile post.

[honeyrider]

Well done OP, you've had a stressful few days.

[Lynnm63]

Thanks for updating op. I thought the fibroids and infertility post was horrible as someone who had fibroids I'm convinced they contributed to my ivf twins prem birth. Just wondering what I did to deserve that.

[Charlie97]

Lymmmmm you did nothing at all! Please don't let a nasty PP upset you! How old are your twins now? Are they well? X

[Lynnm63]

Thanks Charlie97 they're 13 dd has learning difficulties and ds may have high functioning Autism we are awaiting a decision on that. They're both alive though which is more than was expected.

[PoorYorick]

You did nothing to deserve it and the poster who wished it on the bride was being a hateful idiot.

[Charlie97]

Well aren't those little ones lucky that you're their mum!!!!

[ACatastrophicMisintepretation]

This thread has been picked up by the BBC, on front page of their website now.... Better than daily mail I guess!!

[29Palms]

The decline of the BBC continues apace.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Agreed - "Beeb sinks to level of Daily Heil" is not a good advert for them :(

[HCantThinkOfAUsername]

www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-40247834

Don't journalists have anything better to do?!

[RestlessTravellerTheSequel]

sigh I had an email from MNHQ informing me they'd received a media request asking if I would talk to this journalist and I politely declined. It seems they ran the story anyway and I've just had an awkward phone call to the bride in NY to explain. Thanks BBC, I'm now a cautionary tale.

[honeyrider]

I hope the former groom didn't see it but I'm sure someone connected to him has.

[PoorYorick]

It really wasn't much of a story. A few lines from here and a rent a gob telling us that it's a nightmare cancelling a wedding on the day. Thank God for the licence fee.

[StatisticallyChallenged]

Oh FFS, why on earth is this of interest to the BBC?!

It's the ultimate in lazy journalism - I mean I suppose they've at least got input from some outside sources but really, a wedding being called off isn't news unless the people involved are already famous.

[StatisticallyChallenged]

And thankfully the vilest comments were already gone