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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off at parents' reaction to dog?

189 replies

MacarenaFerreiro · 30/05/2017 12:15

We have been thinking about getting a family dog for a few months. My kids are very excited about this idea and are old enough to understand the work which is involved with getting a dog. Yesterday we went to see puppies and put a deposit on one - she'll be coming home as soon as she's big enough to leave her mum.

Kids understandably excited about this and were desperate to share their news with everyone, including grandparents. My parents have made it clear in the past they very much disapprove of us getting a dog. To be clear - we live a fair distance from my parents, so it's not like i'm going to be expecting them to dogsit, have the dog while we're on holiday or be involved with the dog in any way at all. Plus I'm in my 40s, FFS and it's none of their business anyway.

When kids phoned Granny to tell her about the puppy she wouldn't even talk to them about it. They came off the phone quite deflated, "granny doesn't like us getting a puppy". AIBU to be a bit cross about this?

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 30/05/2017 12:18

You know they do not like dogs and wouldn't want you to get one. Why would their reaction be any different?

It does not in any way matter though

AyeAmarok · 30/05/2017 12:21

Whether they like dogs or not, they could feign interest in something their grandchildren are so excited about.

I couldn't give a shit about Pokemon, but I pretend to for the sake of my nieces and nephews.

Time40 · 30/05/2017 12:22

Why do your parents very much disapprove of your getting a dog?

Original poster
MacarenaFerreiro · 30/05/2017 12:22

I wouldn't say they dislike dogs. They are indifferent to dogs. Dad always had dogs when he was a child and they have several friends with dogs.

OP posts:
WhitePhantom · 30/05/2017 12:23

Sorry, completely OT, but would you not rescue a dog that will probably otherwise be PTS? It really upsets me seeing people supporting 'breeders' (puppy farms) when there are so many wonderful dogs looking for a good home.

FizzyGreenWater · 30/05/2017 12:24

Time I think to remind them, cheerfully, that if they're going to put themselves in a position of judging and sniping at your family decisions, then you'll simply see and speak to them less!

Assburgers · 30/05/2017 12:24

YABVU for not showing us a photo!

Your parents' reaction is weird.

Ravenblack · 30/05/2017 12:24

To be fair, it's got naff-all to do with your parents if you get 100 dogs.

Why do you care what they think?

Original poster
MacarenaFerreiro · 30/05/2017 12:25

they could feign interest in something their grandchildren are so excited about.

Exactly. I am not interested in Lego in hte slightest but referee fights over those blasted cards from Sainsburys and have discussions about whether Harry Potter lego is better than Star Wars lego. Because that's what parents do.

No idea why they are so against it - they have said in the past that dogs are a tie, they're expensive, they don't get the whole pet thing. But it won't affect them at all.

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 30/05/2017 12:25

Why don't they want you having a dog ? Anyway they could have pretended to their grandchildren even a halfhearted thats nice would have done.

HotelEuphoria · 30/05/2017 12:26

They are being unreasonable.

Even if they don't agree with it they could have said "Oooo, that's nice, but it will be a lot of work for you all, you must remember to walk it every day even when it's raining and pick up it's poo"

As someone indifferent to dogs that is what I would say.

Ginger782 · 30/05/2017 12:26

YANBU to wonder why they have burst the kid's bubbles.
Why don't they want you to get a dog? You didn't say?

YABU to not get a rescue dog instead of a dog from a breeder (cheeky rant over ).

Assburgers · 30/05/2017 12:26

WhitePhantom we have been trying to adopt a dog forever from dogstrust, but they say our children are too young. We may well end up buying one. I'm sure OP has done her research & not just got some random dog online.

Original poster
MacarenaFerreiro · 30/05/2017 12:27

There are a lot of reasons we're not getting a rescue dog. Don't really have to justify that decision here. We did our homework about the breeder and checked them out, they are not a puppy farm by any stretch of the imagination.

OP posts:
Birdsgottaf1y · 30/05/2017 12:28

They're selfish.

I've had three children and haven't always been interested in what they are excited about, but you fake it, or enjoy the fact that they are happy and respond as you should to someone that you're supposed to care about.

It's called pissing on some's chips and it's really unfair to do that to a child.

fleshmarketclose · 30/05/2017 12:28

My dp's really disliked dogs and I would have got the same reaction had they still been alive when we bought ours. Dm thought them dirty and df saw them as a drain on time and resources and neither could see any of the benefits. It wouldn't have prevented me getting a dog but I would know that it would never be allowed in theirs and they would want it out of the room they were in when visiting here.
In your shoes I wouldn't discuss it further and just tell the dc that not everybody likes dogs and their gp's don't but that's fine because nobody has to have one if they don't want one and perhaps get them to talk about it with people who share their excitement.

Dishwashersaurous · 30/05/2017 12:30

Do they ever visit you? In which case they will have to interact with the dog, which will probably smell.

It's different to feigning an interest because they will have to interact with the dog

BandeauSally · 30/05/2017 12:31

It's odd to be so upset at age 40 that your mother doesn't approve of your decision. Your an adult, why do you put so much into what your mother thinks of it? I'm getting a hint of a backstory/her reasoning that maybe you don't want to say as you think she might have some support here. Why does she not approve?

hoddtastic · 30/05/2017 12:42

Are you and your dp the people who live in a midden and constantly moan about time/money/commitments? If so I can semi understand why adding a puppy is not being universally applauded.

My sister has added a puppy to her menagerie and massive family.
We all thought it was a dreadful idea- the puppy is now brought everywhere / they are missing things like christenings etc because 'the puppy'- they don't visit anyone (without the puppy) my (elderly) parents don't really want a dog pissing all over their lawn and chewing the hose reel/stinking the house out.

We love dogs, we have a dog. Our dog is very well catered for in terms of neighbours who will walk it / feed it when we're out or busy. We get up before the kids are up to take it for a long walk - and then another one in the evening. I am flexible and work sporadically / from home. The situation my parents have now is if they are helping DSis with the kids (pick ups etc because they both work- inc working away) they now have a dog to contend with.

Original poster
MacarenaFerreiro · 30/05/2017 12:43

Not upset - more pissed off that she couldn't have shown more enthusiasm for the kids' sakes. She made it very clear to them that she strongly disapproves and it deflated them when they were so excited.

OP posts:
Eolian · 30/05/2017 12:43

YANBU. It's one thing them saying to you that they don't approve (though it's not really their business), but bursting the kids' bubble was horrible and unnecessary. My PIL were the same. They are not dog people and made all sorts of ill-informed remarks about dogs to us at first. However, although we live quite a long way from them, ddog has gradually grown on them and they quite like him now.

slkk · 30/05/2017 12:44

Yeah my parents were against it, saying it was too much work for us. They love her now.

Sara107 · 30/05/2017 12:48

Whatever they feel about dogs, or about you getting a dog, it's just unkind to be so off with the children about something they are very excited about.

Original poster
MacarenaFerreiro · 30/05/2017 12:48

Are you and your dp the people who live in a midden and constantly moan about time/money/commitments?

I'd like to think not ;-) We have the money and time for a dog, I work from home so it's not going to be on its own all day. Yes we're busy but show me a family with children doing brownies/cubs/dancing/football who aren't busy. Two of the kids are secondary school age so will be taking on some of the responsibility of walking and caring for the dog.

Yes they'll have to interact with it when they come here but that's not that often - maybe 5 times a year?

OP posts:
BandeauSally · 30/05/2017 12:50

In that case I would just tell the kids that granny isn't really into dogs so probably won't understand why it's so exciting. I wouldn't have let them ring to tell her tbh. Her reaction was pretty predictable.

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