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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off at parents' reaction to dog?

189 replies

MacarenaFerreiro · 30/05/2017 12:15

We have been thinking about getting a family dog for a few months. My kids are very excited about this idea and are old enough to understand the work which is involved with getting a dog. Yesterday we went to see puppies and put a deposit on one - she'll be coming home as soon as she's big enough to leave her mum.

Kids understandably excited about this and were desperate to share their news with everyone, including grandparents. My parents have made it clear in the past they very much disapprove of us getting a dog. To be clear - we live a fair distance from my parents, so it's not like i'm going to be expecting them to dogsit, have the dog while we're on holiday or be involved with the dog in any way at all. Plus I'm in my 40s, FFS and it's none of their business anyway.

When kids phoned Granny to tell her about the puppy she wouldn't even talk to them about it. They came off the phone quite deflated, "granny doesn't like us getting a puppy". AIBU to be a bit cross about this?

OP posts:
Ratatatouille · 30/05/2017 12:50

Do they ever visit you? In which case they will have to interact with the dog, which will probably smell.

So should you seek permission from everybody who visits your home before you decide to get a pet? Of course not.

They are being very rude. It's not their dog or their home. People make all manner of decisions about their home environment (pets, décor, even what air freshener they use) which will arguably affect the comfort of guests in that home. However, unless you are doing something outlandish, you ought to be able to rely on the support - or at least not outspoken disapproval - of your family and friends. To be so dismissive of something that their grandchildren are excited about was very mean spirited and unkind. They could have feigned excitement for the children, even if they insisted on being rude to the parents.

CotswoldStrife · 30/05/2017 12:59

I also suspect a backstory here Grin

Hissy · 30/05/2017 13:09

"Mum, would it have KILLED you feign a little enthusiasm for something our family is ecstatic about?"

lanouvelleheloise · 30/05/2017 13:09

Why do they disapprove of you getting a dog? I don't understand!

InvisibleKittenAttack · 30/05/2017 13:10

Why don't they "approve" of you having a dog?!

Is this a case of "this is not the choice we would make, therefore it is the wrong choice for everyone else"? otherwise known as "there are two ways to do things, our way and the wrong way." attitude.

Know a few people like this - they really can't comprehend anyone making different choices to them, even if they are living in different circumstances, and take anyone picking a different option as a personal insult to them.

Jaxhog · 30/05/2017 13:13

Unless they are allergic, scared of dogs generally or you've bought a Rottweiller (or similar), I don't see the problem. As for interacting with it, surely you can just put the dog outside/in a spare room during their visits?

It does seem a bit mean to say what they did to your DC. Unless you have form for being neglectful. Even then, it's really your problem, not theirs.

noova61 · 30/05/2017 13:13

My mother was exactly the same when we got our dogs 14 and 10 yrs ago.."what on earth do you want a dog for"..." so tieing, you wont be able to come on holiday anymore"...our dogs are our family...not just pets...although our oldest has since gone to the Rainbow Bridge...we take our 10yr old girl everywhere on days out, including holidays(we dont go abroad) to pet friendly places, leads and pooh bags always in the car. We chose to have the dogs, we look after them, we pay for the vets bills and food. Its your home, your choice. We actually rescued our old dog as she was going to be drowned along with her brother...she turned out to be the sweetest dog Ive ever known...not a bad bone in her body...when our grandson was born 5yrs ago, she adored him, would lay by his crib with him. My daughter has since got a puppy of her own, none of our business, she pays for everything.

Kokusai · 30/05/2017 13:13

Whether they like dogs or not, they could feign interest in something their grandchildren are so excited about.

Quite.

On the phone "oh how lovely DGS, what names are you thinking? What does the puppy look like?"

Off the phone "OMG they are getting a puppy! That is the last thing they need"

Original poster
MacarenaFerreiro · 30/05/2017 13:14

No backstory. Honestly.

OP posts:
ExConstance · 30/05/2017 13:17

No, you are not being unreasonable in response to the question you asked. YABU not to have chosen a rescue dog, you can get puppies from rescue and have not given any reason ( not that there is a good reason) for everyone who choses a fluffy puppy from a breeder there is a puppy or dog who is homeless and risk being PTS.

lanouvelleheloise · 30/05/2017 13:19

I didn't mean you were hiding a backstory, macarena. It's just that understanding what their objections are to dogs may be useful in terms of giving an opinion.

DJBaggySmalls · 30/05/2017 13:21

YANBU to choose a pup from a breeder over a rescue. A good breeder will produce quality pups with a stable temperament to be around your children.
Rescue dogs are ok for experienced owners but are an unknown quantity.

Mia1415 · 30/05/2017 13:25

Wow. This takes my back. My grandmother said she'd never come in our house again if we got a dog when I was a child (teenager). I was devastated as it meant we didn't get one.

(I've got one now though :-) )

MrsJayy · 30/05/2017 13:26

My rescue is like an onion many many layers and hard work, you dont need to justify your puppy to anybody not ever breeder is puppy farming

StrangeLookingParasite · 30/05/2017 13:33

You know they do not like dogs and wouldn't want you to get one. Why would their reaction be any different?

Because it's polite to at least pretend interest in something your children/grandchildren are very enthusiastic about, and not be a wet blanket.
Your further comment about "they will have to interact with the dog, which will probably smell" makes me think you are a bit odd, if that's the first thing you think about a dog.

user1492528619 · 30/05/2017 13:33

Oh OP I am sorry to your kids.

I remember the excitement when we first got our family puppy, how awful of them that they couldn't at least pretend to be interested.

Some people seem to forget what it was like to be an excited child. You are completely reasonable to be annoyed and upset at them.

Ignore their reaction and focus on your gorgeous new addition. They're what's important! Your kids will be bouncing off the walls again in an hour.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 30/05/2017 13:35

Sorry, completely OT, but would you not rescue a dog that will probably otherwise be PTS? It really upsets me seeing people supporting 'breeders' (puppy farms) when there are so many wonderful dogs looking for a good home

This. Exactly.

StrangeLookingParasite · 30/05/2017 13:36

Breeders are not puppy farms. Several other posters have given very good reasons for not adopting a rescue.

Hulababy · 30/05/2017 13:41

You knew they didn't approve and wouldn't be happy. TBH you probably shouldn't have let the children phone your parents, knowing what their reaction would be like.

Deathraystare · 30/05/2017 13:44

Never mind. Once you get the pup and post the photo on here - you will get lots of kind comments. Even a diagram would do!

Original poster
MacarenaFerreiro · 30/05/2017 13:44

We're not adopting a rescue for many of the reasons given above. We wanted a specific breed (labrador or golden retriever) as we have had good experiences with these breeds in the past. There are very few of those in rescue centres. We investigated getting a "reject" Guide Dog at a year old but decided against that as most dogs rejected have behavioural or medical issues. DH has had dogs before, I've not and I want to be involved in hte training, not trying to deal with serious behavioural issues beyond my ability. One of my children is nervous around dogs and even she cannot be terrified of a puppy. We wanted a puppy from a registered breeder with "form" for producing good tempered family pets - not an older dog from a rescue which could have all manner of issues caused by a previous owner.

We visited the puppies in the owner's home, with the parent present, and have the number for the owner of the pups' father if we want to see him too. This breeder does not breed regularly - hasn't had puppies since 2015. She doesn't advertise - all puppies are spoken for through word of mouth or through the breed association.

We will also be getting the dog spayed when she's older - no intention of adding to the puppy problem by creating any more.

OP posts:
AuldHeathen · 30/05/2017 13:48

My bet, OP, is it's your mum who doesn't see the point in dogs and your dad's going along with it for a quiet life? My parents had this dynamic for large parts of their life together.

Hillarious · 30/05/2017 13:49

Two of OP's kids are secondary age. I'd expect them to be able to cope with some honesty and the fact that not everyone will share their enthusiasm. I think my parents would have reacted in the same way. It wouldn't be a big deal for me if they did. DH would love a dog. The impact of having a dog on our relationship (and visits) with my parents, and the PIL, is one reason why we're still holding back. A dog would be great, but my parents are important to me too.

Headofthehive55 · 30/05/2017 13:49

I think it does affect them, so it's understandable that they are less than enthusiastic.
IT will affect them when visiting, perhaps they don't want to have a dog near them or take on that responsibility when they babysit?
Perhaps they aren't prepared to have dog come to their house either.

waitforitfdear · 30/05/2017 13:50

Who said breeders are puppy farms? Do stop being bloody silly and educate yourselves and the op already said she wasn't allowed a rescue dog as her kids are too young so read the fucking thread before posting.

Op your parents sound pretty nasty to piss on their grandkids chips how mean.

Getting out family dog has been one of the best decisions we ever made and ours doesn't smell as we look after her.

Been to plenty of smelly houses with no pets.

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