to be pissed off at parents' reaction to dog?

[MacarenaFerreiro]

We have been thinking about getting a family dog for a few months. My kids are very excited about this idea and are old enough to understand the work which is involved with getting a dog. Yesterday we went to see puppies and put a deposit on one - she'll be coming home as soon as she's big enough to leave her mum.

Kids understandably excited about this and were desperate to share their news with everyone, including grandparents. My parents have made it clear in the past they very much disapprove of us getting a dog. To be clear - we live a fair distance from my parents, so it's not like i'm going to be expecting them to dogsit, have the dog while we're on holiday or be involved with the dog in any way at all. Plus I'm in my 40s, FFS and it's none of their business anyway.

When kids phoned Granny to tell her about the puppy she wouldn't even talk to them about it. They came off the phone quite deflated, "granny doesn't like us getting a puppy". AIBU to be a bit cross about this?

I don't know what their objections are! They have said in the past that dogs are a terrible tie and we're crazy for even considering one. I think a PP hit the nail on the head when she said that as we're choosing to do something they've never done or wanted to do, that we're automatically in the wrong.

DD is almost 12 and has been afraid of dogs forever. She is most scared of spaniels/collies as she feels they are unpredictable. She's happiest with labradors as they are generally good natured and she's seen them working as guide dogs and similar so knows they can be trained. We've also set clear boundaries like no dogs upstairs - to be honest that would have been my rule whether DD was scared of dogs or not.

I would post a pic but they all have the kids in them too so I'd rather not, but any three week old labrador is just as cute as anything. She's a golden one :-)

Why worry about your parents, you don't need them to approve and you always knew how they would feel, so let the kids call friends instead to crow about the dog..

On the plus side, your parents can now book a B&B nest time they come down, so they don't have to mix with the dog...

I don't want to interact with anyone's dog. They smell, leave hair on everything and are generally annoying, wanting to sniff, lick and jump on me. I don't go to homes where's there's a dog indoors. The smell in an enclosed space makes me feel sick and the floating fluff makes me sneeze. There's no way I'd let a visitor bring a dog into my home. I can understand why your parents might be dismayed at a dog joining your household.

But Sundance that's your problem. Just like it's OP's parents' problem if they don't like dogs. If it stops them doing things (visiting people etc) then that's their decision, but they don't get to dictate to OP what she can and can't do, or be awkward and upset their GC because of it.

If my adult DC ask my opinion on anything like getting a dog, I give my honest view. But when they decide they're definitely doing it or getting something I go along with it because it's a done deal and it's their choice.
I didn't think it was a good idea that my DS&DIL get a dog as they're both out working all day, but they did, so we just accepted it and the dog is part of the family.
Your parents should be kinder to their DGC.

As someone who was mauled by a dog when I was ten (our first family dog too that had to be sent to the Blue Cross after) I would not be comfortable rescuing a dog if I had children, purely because I have first-hand experience of being a child around an aggressive dog. She was mixed breed, part lurcher, part Rhodesian ridge back and scary when she snapped but lovely the rest of the time. She just had this scary streak.

Since then, my parents have had a sprocker spaniel puppy, who helped me overcome my fear of dogs and is now 9 years old and the loveliest dog in the world, a boxer, who is the dopiest, happiest, loveliest dog too, that was rescued, and a Jack that they got as a puppy from a breeder that is yappy and annoying but still perfectly harmless. Needless to say, I now adore dogs and would love to get one but I also have a grumpy old cat that completely rules the roost and our first baby on the way, so I'd say it'll be a fair few years before I BUY a puppy from a reputable breeder :)

Good luck OP with your new puppy. It's sad your folks weren't enthusiastic for the sake of the grandkids, but it'll all be worth it when you bring that puppy home and your family are all excitedly fussing over it.

I agree with adopt, don't shop. If a charity won't give you a dog, it's probably because your situation isn't ideal for the dog in question.

My mum was completely against me adopting a half blind, half deaf staffy. 3 years on, she buys the dog a birthday and Christmas gift 😂

My mum is the same, calls herself a dog lover yet insisted I shouldn't get one. I think it's just jealousy in her case.

As for breed vs rescue, that's the OPs decision to make and she shouldn't need to justify that to anyone! Some people have an enthused interest in certain breeds, plus you know roughly how big the dog will get and what character traits it's likely to have. You don't get that with a rescue unless you get an adult dog.

I'm a dog lover and bought a specific breed. If I had shit loads of money I'd have a couple of "my breed" and a shit load of rescues too.

I wouldn't rescue a dog with young children either. We had dogs of 'known' breed when the kids were smaller (although they were crossbreeds they were known crossbreeds) just so that temperament could be a little more predictable.

My In laws were horrified. Why on earth would the children want a dog, when their own children hadn't had one? Since their dad and I were separated by then, they just had to suck it up, but they tried badmouthing dog ownership every time he took the kids to visit. The kids ADORED the dog and wouldn't take any nay-saying.

My mum would have reacted exactly the same way, she thought dogs were not clean, and wouldn't have thought twice to tell anyone so. It goes without saying we were not allowed one as children. I adore my funny, loyal, kind natured dog. I hope you and your children are happy with your new puppy. They are a lovely addition to family life.

So you're the OP who discussed getting a Lab pup on a previous thread, in spite of your DD being frightened of dogs, and practically every poster in the Doghouse (all people who are experienced around dogs) advised against it, especially with a cannonball Lab that is slow to mature and will be a jumping, bitey bundle of joy for months, if not years. If the breeder knows this about your DD (and you know this too) then the breeder is being irresponsible in homing this dog with you and it's absolutely NOT how you cure your DD's fear of dogs. I would not lose my fear of spiders if my DH decided to adopt a pet tarantula.

Maybe your parents are actually thinking about your DD's welfare.

All this "adopt don't shop" thing doesn't make sense to me. Fine if you just want a dog, any dog, any breed, any age, any difficulties. If you want to feel like you're doing it a favour by rescuing it and giving it a home.

Many of the breeders I spoke to before finding our puppy have waiting lists as long as your arm because their dogs win prizes at Crufts, or are expert gun dogs, or have the reputatation for making excellent family pets. They are not breeding "extra" puppies which they can't find homes for.

Getting a dog from a rescue is a totally different prospect and although it's the right choice for some it's not the right choice for everyone. Many of the dogs on the SSPCA website are "nervous" or "under socialised" and won't be rehomed to families with children. I don't think that choosing not to take on a dog with known problems makes us irresponsible - exactly the opposite.

We're choosing to do the responsible thing and having our dog neutered so won't be adding to the issue of puppies which can't be rehomed.

Are you a clinical psychologist, Rightpivotturn? Because the two clinical psychologists who we've consulted about DD's fear of dogs said that exposure to your fear in a controlled environment is exactly the best way to get over it.

The OP wasn't asking AIBU to buy a puppy rather than rescue one, OP was asking if she was BU to be annoyed at her mother! YANBU OP!

However all the PPs making OP feel they need to justify their decision to buy from a breeder are very unreasonable, its personal choice not every one is happy buying from a breeder and not everyone is comfortable rescuing but to say that a dog will be PTS because OP has bought a puppy is just nasty. Getting almost as bad as the breastfeeding brigade, this place FFS!

Good luck with your gorgeous puppy OP, Labs are great family dogs and don't worry about what your mother thinks you're a grownup you don't need approval.

Op you do realise that buying a "bred for sale" dog and adopting a "dog with known problems" are not the only options don't you? There are puppies in rescue, perfectly healthy and trained dogs surrendered because of family break up or death of owner. Rescues are jam packed with dogs. Are you seriously saying you think they are all problem dogs?

If you want to feel like you're doing it a favour by rescuing it and giving it a home.

That's not why people are saying you should rescue. It's not to "do a dog a favour" it's to discourage shitty breeders. if more people are rescuing them they aren't funding bad dog breeding. This reduces demand and make sure they harder to sell and puts the breeders off breeding again.

How long did you have your name on the waiting list for your pup?

exposure to your fear in a controlled environment is exactly the best way to get over it.

That means introducing your child to say a therapy dog or a friendly, reliable neighbours dog on regular basis and building up her contact and trust. Not moving a dog into her house where she has to stay upstairs to get away from it. That is not what they meant by exposure to your fear.

Getting almost as bad as the breastfeeding brigade, this place FFS!

Are people saying babies will be PTS if mothers don't breastfeed then? catch a grip. There is no brigade. MN is very supportive of either type of baby feeding.

People not buying from shitty breeders will discourage shitty breeders. People who are happy to buy a dog off Gumtree or from some bloke they meet in a service station, no questions asked. Us getting a pedigree from a good breeder who has been involved with the breed for decades is not going to make one scrap of difference one way or the other to the puppy farmers.

Are people saying babies will be PTS if mothers don't breastfeed then?

don't be ridiculous, MN is very judgmental if you don't fall into a certain way of doing things, the OP wasn't even talking about adopting a rescue dog but it has been turned into a whole new post completely missing the point of the original because some people can't accept that not everyone wants to do things the way they do.

My partner's mother is quite amusing with our dog. She never comes to ours, but we've taken the dog to hers a few times. She kept saying "Does it always make that noise? I couldn't be doing with that", and complaining that he smelled. Admittedly he is a noisy breather, but he was very well behaved, and seemed to love her for some reason, kept following her around.
She has offered to look after him though, I think she secretly likes him. I wouldn't leave him with her because he can be quite excitable, and she's in her mid 70s.

People not buying from shitty breeders will discourage shitty breeders. People who are happy to buy a dog off Gumtree or from some bloke they meet in a service station, no questions asked. Us getting a pedigree from a good breeder who has been involved with the breed for decades is not going to make one scrap of difference one way or the other to the puppy farmers.

Well said OP!

I can see why your parents are not turning cartwheels and singing songs of delight at your decision.

Any clinical psychologist telling you that the best way to help your child overcome their fear of dogs is to move a puppy into the child's house is talking our of their arse.

Out of interest, if your child's fear of dogs does not magically disappear once you have forced them to share a house with one, what will you do?

Don't be patronising BandeauSally - we are not stupid and we know what we're doing. This is a 12 year old we're talking about, not a toddler. She has been fully involved in the family decision to get the dog and is very excited about the whole thing. We wouldn't be getting a dog if we thought it would distress her.

We have explored other options such as PAT dogs and spending time with friends' dogs and for a variety of reasons this isn't an option.

Any clinical psychologist telling you that the best way to help your child overcome their fear of dogs is to move a puppy into the child's house is talking our of their arse.

I'll be sure to pass that on to the two NHS clinical psychologists - one working exclusively with children - who told me to get a dog then.

Being involved with a breed for decades is proof of nothing other than they've bred that breed for decades. It doesn't mean they are a good breeder!