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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be pissed off at parents' reaction to dog?

189 replies

MacarenaFerreiro · 30/05/2017 12:15

We have been thinking about getting a family dog for a few months. My kids are very excited about this idea and are old enough to understand the work which is involved with getting a dog. Yesterday we went to see puppies and put a deposit on one - she'll be coming home as soon as she's big enough to leave her mum.

Kids understandably excited about this and were desperate to share their news with everyone, including grandparents. My parents have made it clear in the past they very much disapprove of us getting a dog. To be clear - we live a fair distance from my parents, so it's not like i'm going to be expecting them to dogsit, have the dog while we're on holiday or be involved with the dog in any way at all. Plus I'm in my 40s, FFS and it's none of their business anyway.

When kids phoned Granny to tell her about the puppy she wouldn't even talk to them about it. They came off the phone quite deflated, "granny doesn't like us getting a puppy". AIBU to be a bit cross about this?

OP posts:

BandeauSally · 30/05/2017 19:04

Remember when I suspected a back story........

melj1213 · 30/05/2017 19:06

I'm sorry OP but you seem to be very naive about the nature of puppies ... yes you can get a puppy from whoever you like, but they are still going to show the same puppy behaviours whether you get them from a breeder of from the local animal shelter. Not all animals go to a shelter because they have issues or problems, they could just as easily be because a stray bitch is brought in pregnant and she gives birth to her litter in the rescue centre rather than on a farm with a breeder.

So wherever this tiny bundle of fluff comes from, they are going to grow up and start needing to be trained. Just like cute, adorable newborn babies turn into the whirling dervishes that are known as toddlers. They will have accidents, they will be bouncy, they will chew things and bite, they will misbehave, they will get into things they aren't supposed to, you take your eye off them for a second in the park and next thing they're halfway towards the duck pond, they will require a lot of training ... and puppies are exactly the same.

Getting a dog is a huge responsibility - my parents have one of the best behaved dogs I have ever met. She is a 16 year old labrador they have had since she was a puppy and she will do exactly as she's told, never goes upstairs, never jumps on the sofa, doesn't jump up or bite ... but I still have a memory of having to go to school in my PE kit aged 12 with a note from my parents because my school skirts, that had been left on the side in the utility room, both had huge holes out of them because the puppy had chewed them up in the night (along with my brother's favourite football shirt and half a dozen pairs of socks)

melj1213 · 30/05/2017 19:12

Not interested in a mongrel puppy

What's wrong with a mongrel puppy?

That cockapoo your DD was apparently fawning over is technically a mongrel, as a mongrel is just a mixed breed dog ...

Original poster

MacarenaFerreiro · 30/05/2017 19:24

FFS. Nothing wrong with a crossbreed puppy. Just not what we want. You wouldn't interrogate people over why they had a preference for a red car and not a black one, or wanted to holiday in Cornwall rather than Ibiza.

And no, DH isn't allergic to dogs.

OP posts:

Honkyzeke · 30/05/2017 19:27

Enjoy your puppy OP when you finally bring her home, I'm sure you're capable enough of making the right decision for you and your DD, you know her and your situation best after all.
Ignore your mother and most of all ignore all of the oh so accepting and tolerant mumsnetters right up there on their high horses, you haven't met their overwhelming approval but I'm sure you won't lose any sleep over that, I know I wouldn't!
I would love you to give us an update in 6 months time and tell us how well everything is going and how you made the right decision.

Adios!

BandeauSally · 30/05/2017 19:39

You wouldn't interrogate people over why they had a preference for a red car and not a black one

well duh! Are you seriously saying choosing paint colours is the same as choosing between a purebreed and a crossbreed?

Strokethefurrywall · 30/05/2017 20:22

Are you seriously saying choosing paint colours is the same as choosing between a purebreed and a crossbreed?

Not sure how it's that different? Surely it's just a simple preference? Not sure how mentally taxing it can be for a preference to be just that...

Coloursthatweremyjoy · 30/05/2017 20:22

For what it's worth OP. I am living with my first dog. A working type lab from working stock. I had never been around a puppy before or been to a training class. My Mum (as mentioned) disapproved, she spent her working life around dogs.

My boy absolutely blows her lab out of the water. I worked hard with him. He's amazing, and the only time he ever caught anyone with his puppy teeth was when he trapped my finger between the tooth and a ball, my fault. I cried out and he instantly let go and never did it again. He was about 16 weeks.

Sounds like, even you've done your research just like I did. You'll be fine.

BandeauSally · 30/05/2017 20:25

Stroke

Wolfiefan · 30/05/2017 20:38

I've just remembered the OPs other thread. Child petrified of dogs and you're getting a dog. Bet that's why they aren't impressed!

Fairenuff · 30/05/2017 21:24

What will you do with the dog when you visit your parents?

zeezeek · 30/05/2017 21:33

There does certainly appear to be a Mumsnet approved way of buying and living with dogs that neither I, nor every other dog owner I know in real life recognise.

I've been around dogs all my life. Generally a mixture of labs/ retrievers and collies, with a couple of Irish setters and a totally bonkers springer spaniel at one point too. I currently have three retrievers. One was from a breeder, one from an ad in the local paper and one from a litter that a friend's dog had. They all had a phase of being mad, but even then they were easy dogs to train, good natured and loving.

They do eat shed loads if given the opportunity and the boys, in particular can put on weight following neutering. One of mine is a bit overweight to be honest even though he eats the same as the other two and has the same exercise - he's just always been chunky.

Despite the rhetoric that dogs need walking several times a day, we've found that one good walk will satisfy them some days, other times they look to go out several times. If it is too hot or too wet then there's little chance of getting any of them outside. One of the boys actually has been known to slip his collar at the end of the drive and return to the house. The other two then drag the unfortunate human following him. They can be spectacularly stubborn and bloody minded. However, they tear around the garden and house and have several silly 5 minutes during the day.

When they are anywhere near someone who is wary of dogs, they tend to stay still and quiet and out of their way.

Maybe I've just been lucky with my three. They have been trained, up to a point, but mostly they are just calm dogs who are mostly indifferent to anyone outside their family.

Ginger782 · 30/05/2017 21:49

So many other people have given you good advice so I won't reiterate what they're saying. Just one thing:

We will also be getting the dog spayed when she's older - no intention of adding to the puppy problem by creating any more.
Book the bloody appointment with the vet as soon as you get it home. Ensure you have a commitment to get the thing done by the time she is 6 months old at the latest (you absolutely can do it earlier).

Oh one other thing, don't get offended next time you drip feed in an AIBU post.

Coloursthatweremyjoy · 30/05/2017 21:53

When I visit people in my life who don't like dogs I do this thing where I leave him at home.

Someone will let him out, or I come back and let him out. If all else fails there are these lovely people called dog walkers who take him out for me.

It's really not a major issue.

Original poster

MacarenaFerreiro · 30/05/2017 22:11

Not drip feeding - the phobia/fear which my daughter is experiencing is not as severe as it once was and we wouldn't be doing this if we didn't think she'd cope. We're not stupid. Besides, my parents (especially my Mum) are very much of the "pull yourself together and don't be so bloody stupid" school of thought when it comes to anything like fears so don't fool yourself that it's concern for DD's mental wellbeing that is making them disapprove so strongly of our choice.

Still reckon that it's because they would never consider a pet, and because we are, that makes us wrong.

On the spaying thing - there's a lot of conflicting information out there. Some people say get them done asap. Others say after their first season. Will be booking puppy in for vaccinations/checks at the vet as soon as she's home with us but is there an accepted answer to this one or is it a case of one expert saying one thing, another saying the opposite?

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 30/05/2017 22:13

Pull yourself together? Well that's unhelpful. They are sounding less and less reasonable!
I have an 8 month old girl. Can't help on the spaying really. She is a giant breed so the advice is not to stay until she's 2.

FizzyGreenWater · 30/05/2017 22:18

Sounds like a hamster or degu would be a better choice.

Original poster

MacarenaFerreiro · 30/05/2017 22:20

They're not unkind about fears, phobias or worries but are very much of the "don't make a fuss" school of thought. It's not a bad thing - it certainly made me and my sbilings independent and resilient growing up. We weren't coddled or pandered to. They just don't understand much about mental health and certainly don't talk about it.

OP posts:

Siwdmae · 30/05/2017 22:23

I don't know why you're bothered, OP. You say your parents will have nothing to do with the dog, so why do you care?

Sorry, completely OT, but would you not rescue a dog that will probably otherwise be PTS? It really upsets me seeing people supporting 'breeders' (puppy farms) when there are so many wonderful dogs looking for a good home.

Dearie dearie me. By no stretch of the imagination are all breeders puppy farmers. That's a foolish statement.

nannybeach · 30/05/2017 22:42

We tried loads of dog rescue kennels, all the ads said must be only dog, or not suitable with young children ( grandchildren staying this week half term) Most of the dogs we owned were basics from farms, we have one toy who is my DD she moved when she split up from cheating OH, to a rented house, no pets allowed. Met someone walking mine who said the cockerpoo cost £1.200, its a cross breed for goodness sake. You wouldnt be allowed a rescue dog with someone phobic, the ones we visited, the whole family had to go and all be on board.Before I was allowed to buy my toy, I had to be vetted by the breeder, which involved driving several 100 miles, I felted that was the sign of a good breeder, that even for money changing hands she wanted to suss me out, before letting me have a puppy.

llangennith · 30/05/2017 23:09

This thread has moved on a lot since my last comment.
My niece was absolutely terrified of dogs from when she was tiny. She could spot a dog a mile away and would run off to escape the beast. When she was 10 my sister bought a Cavalier puppy into their home. Niece loved puppy and the phobia disappeared. It can work.

wurlycurly · 30/05/2017 23:23

We got a puppy last year. We all love him to bits. We tried to get a rescue dog but as we have a child this proved impossible as they won't give you one. My parents were very sniffy about the idea but kind of like him now. Our dd was keen but a bit wary of dogs. Now she loves dogs! Don't mind the haters.

Ginger782 · 30/05/2017 23:56

OP there are a lot of conflicting opinions between experts and vets about the right time to desex. I can tell you from personal experience doing one of these jobs for shelters that you can safely sterilise from 1kg in weight. The safety risks are associated with the anaesthesia, not the operation itself. Do not wait for a first season/period, is my advice. You can't predict when it will happen (they don't just happen at 6 months on the dot) and male dogs will roam and pop over your back fence in 2 minutes and be gone before you realise it, so it's not simply a matter of keeping her in.

Fairenuff · 31/05/2017 10:47

OP what will you do with the dog when you visit your parents?

(Third time I've asked this btw but you might have missed it)

Coloursthatweremyjoy · 31/05/2017 13:52

When it comes to spaying, I'd follow your vets advice. Ask at the initial appointment. Bet they bring it up before you do!

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