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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off at parents' reaction to dog?

189 replies

MacarenaFerreiro · 30/05/2017 12:15

We have been thinking about getting a family dog for a few months. My kids are very excited about this idea and are old enough to understand the work which is involved with getting a dog. Yesterday we went to see puppies and put a deposit on one - she'll be coming home as soon as she's big enough to leave her mum.

Kids understandably excited about this and were desperate to share their news with everyone, including grandparents. My parents have made it clear in the past they very much disapprove of us getting a dog. To be clear - we live a fair distance from my parents, so it's not like i'm going to be expecting them to dogsit, have the dog while we're on holiday or be involved with the dog in any way at all. Plus I'm in my 40s, FFS and it's none of their business anyway.

When kids phoned Granny to tell her about the puppy she wouldn't even talk to them about it. They came off the phone quite deflated, "granny doesn't like us getting a puppy". AIBU to be a bit cross about this?

OP posts:
squoosh · 31/05/2017 13:59

Your parents sound like joy-suckers. And to be fair, there seem to be a fair amount of joy-suckers on this thread too.

Enjoy your new dog!

dotdotdotmustdash · 31/05/2017 18:09

Labs don't come in 'golden' btw, only in yellow, liver and black. Retrievers are 'golden'.

I love rescues, I've had 4, even with children and they've all been fabulous. I've never had to mop a floor or worry about them chewing anything. They've come from reputable rescues who have had them in foster homes and comprehensively assessed them. My kids have welcomed ready-made dogs with no restrictions on how much walking/playing/sleeping they can do. Our rescue dogs have walked into our home, settled in within a few days and very quickly decided to adore their family. You couldn't pay me to have a puppy!

mikeyssister · 31/05/2017 18:41

Macarena, we have 2 DD who were petrified of dogs, both teenagers.

We rescued a puppy a year ago and it was absolutely the best thing we could ever have done. We've taught both girls how to approach dogs, they are actively involved in his training and they love taking him for a walk. It's done wonders for their confidence as well.

Ours is a crossbreed rescue but that really is irrelevant. He's part lab, which is the breed we were looking for and he's fantastic with kids. We watched him with his mum as well and she was also extremely friendly.

I think you'll find this is a brilliant decision for your family.

Sparklyglitter · 31/05/2017 18:53

Being disapproving with you is one thing but being mean to the kids is another! Get the kids to ring someone else who will appreciate the good puppy news! Xxxx

TestTubeTeen · 31/05/2017 19:08

"OP what will you do with the dog when you visit your parents?"

This would be my question, too.

CrazyolMama · 31/05/2017 19:44

I think you should get 10 dogs and a donkey!!

Cuppatea85 · 31/05/2017 20:12

Macarena I love you're name in this! Love that show :) enjoy your dog and don't let anyone ruin it for you or your kids

Coloursthatweremyjoy · 31/05/2017 20:33

OP might welcome the excuse not to visit her parentson tbh..."oh I'd love to Mum, but you know, the dog..."

I dont get the worry about what OP does with the dog when she visits her parents...my dog has never visited loads of people in my life...we don't stay in all the time and he isn't neglected...

When you have a puppy you tend to get a lot of "oh, i thought you'd bring the dog."

Thingamajiggy · 31/05/2017 21:42

You've phrased this in a one-sided way. She may have very sound reasons for her disapproval.

Firstly, why would you BUY a puppy? I'd be bloody disapproving too if any child of mine went out and bought a dog from a breeder while rescued dogs are put down every day. Indicates you think it's a toy rather than an animal.

Is there anyone home during the day? You cannot have a single dog and leave it alone while everyone is at work/school.

She may well be thinking you have no idea about animals or suspect the novelty will wear off.

Why don't you just ask her to her face instead of seeking approval here?

Ticketybootoo · 31/05/2017 22:26

My parents are the same - have just discussed this with them recently and they have said that we won't be able to visit them with a dog !!!

Keletubbie · 31/05/2017 23:30

Not quite sure why OP posted as she seems to want to shoot down anyone who doesn't agree wholeheartedly with her.

I'm disappointed at all those slagging off rescue centres and the animals that end up there. They put great time and effort in matching up dogs and owners, with the focus on finding animals a home for life. People get so offended when they suggest that you might not be in the best position to rehome a dog... and I'd bet that they're usually right.

If anything, a dog from a rescue is the safest bet - it's likely to have had far more thorough behavioural assessment than any dog you pick up elsewhere.

PersianCatLady · 31/05/2017 23:39

I don't understand why you got your kids to phone GM to tell her about the dog.

Surely you weren't expecting her to do anything other than what she did?

RandomName9 · 01/06/2017 00:03

We visited a rescue place previously when thinking of getting a dog. As we had children (&a child under 5) they wouldn't accept us for any!!! So we got our puppy last October from a breeder & he has fitted into the family perfectly. We thought through every scenario (costs,holidays,walking etc) before getting him & certainly did not see him as a toy as previously mentioned. My teenage son walks him every day (as do I) & everyone in the family helps to care for him. It has really given my boys a sense of responsibility. Not everyone is suitable for a rescue dog but it doesn't mean you aren't suitable to have a dog.

OP You sound like you will give your new puppy a great home & I'm sure your daughter will love him just as much. As for the spaying our vets have said 6-9months for our boy.

squoosh · 01/06/2017 00:08

Is there anyone home during the day? You cannot have a single dog and leave it alone while everyone is at work/school.

Well seeing as the OP has already said she works from home, I have a feeling there might be somebody at home...

Honestly. At least read her posts before lecturing her!

squoosh · 01/06/2017 00:18

bought a dog from a breeder while rescued dogs are put down every day. Indicates you think it's a toy rather than an animal

You really do post a load of old waffle don't you? Explain exactly how choosing to buy a dog from a breeder rather than adopt a rescue dog means the OP thinks the dog is a toy.

Thanks.

wisteriainbloom · 01/06/2017 00:18

I'm disappointed at all those slagging off rescue centres and the animals that end up there. They put great time and effort in matching up dogs and owners, with the focus on finding animals a home for life. People get so offended when they suggest that you might not be in the best position to rehome a dog... and I'd bet that they're usually right

I so agree with this...

BITCAT · 01/06/2017 00:31

It's none of anyone's business where OP decided to get a dog from. They decided on a puppy and have researched the owners and sound like they have done there homework. I think they are being very responsible especially as they have young children. The puppy can grow with the children, and they know that this particular puppy has not been abused or has any issues regarding previous owners.
OP did not ask for any advice on whether to get a rescue dog or not.
And no OP yanbu..your parents are though. Could have a least made an effort for the kids. I don't particularly like dogs myself, but if my grandkids were excited about getting a puppy. I would be so excited for them and i would not want to.burst their bubble.

squoosh · 01/06/2017 00:35

Getting a dog on a whim because you've seen a celebrity with one could certainly be construed as treating a dog like a toy. However anyone who has actually read the OP's posts can see they've put in a lot of time and effort doing their research and making sure the dog is the right thing for their family.

BITCAT · 01/06/2017 00:49

There's some right judgemental bullies on here just lately. It's perfectly fine to disagree with someone but come on, some of this is full on bullying because the OP doesn't agree or has chosen a path you don't like. It's her home her children her life..that was not the question that was asked either. Hate bullies.

Teabagtits · 01/06/2017 00:56

Firstly, why would you BUY a puppy? I'd be bloody disapproving too if any child of mine went out and bought a dog from a breeder while rescued dogs are put down every day. Indicates you think it's a toy rather than an animal

Except most rescue centres wont rehome with children under 12 or 16. We were refused by four different places because dd was too young.

My dad sounds like your parents OP. We've had at least one dog since my parents split up 30y ago and he still rants at me if I even dare to mention anything about the dogs I have now. Thing is on the very rare occasion he's at my house he claps them and talks to them in a far more civil manner than he talk about them when they're not there. Maybe he doesn't want to hurt their feelings 😐

Thehappygardener · 01/06/2017 04:10

Am so sorry that you and your children were upset by your parents reaction. Do you think that they were concerned about all the extra work for you, and perhaps were rather thoughtless in how they expressed this? Dogs are time consuming but you have done your homework, so I am sure that the puppy will have a marvellous life and your children will love her.

Interestingly, we have a young rescue dog who we found dumped on a beach, and it's my son-in-law who has the 'pursed lips' about her! Doggie is the most gentle, kind and playful little thing I have ever met but because of SiL's antagonism, we didn't take doggie to Christmas lunch with them (luckily a friend was delighted to have her for the day), but have never found out why SiL is so apparently defensive about this. SiL was brought up with pets, including dogs, so not sure why he is reacting this way - my grand children adore her but he has never thawed.

Families! 🐶

TestTubeTeen · 01/06/2017 05:38

"I dont get the worry about what OP does with the dog when she visits her parents.."

So many threads on MN about family visits made difficult due to dog ownership. Can't come unless the dog comes / won't come if dog can't come / someone 's allergic / dog can't be left, etc etc.

sonjadog · 01/06/2017 06:38

Wow, there are a lot of self-righteous know-it-alls on this thread! Talk about sucking the joy out of dog ownership...

OP, I have had rescues all my life. My next dog will be a pedigree because that's what I want. Do what feels right for you and your family and ignore the self-proclaimed experts. Enjoy your dog!

tabulahrasa · 01/06/2017 07:22

There's no issue with getting a puppy from a good breeder if that's what you want.

But, anyone who thinks an adult rescue is somehow riskier is just plain wrong.

A puppy is a complete gamble, you're betting on the breeder having put together a good combination of dogs, that no rogue genetics are going to be thrown up, that it is in fact going to end up with the typical traits of the breed, that socialisation is going to go well, that your training is going to go well and that nothing outside your control happens along the way to it being an adult that would affect behaviour... the pet you want is still a theoretical one and what you could end up with might not be that.

An adult rescue is right there in front of you, with a behavioural assessment it's absolutely certain what it's like.

Anyway, to get back to the AIBU, no, you're not, if your parents for whatever reason think it's a bad idea, they should have humoured the DC and then addressed concerns to the adults instead.

eurochick · 01/06/2017 07:53

Ignore.

I was terrified of dogs as a child. My parents got a golden retriever puppy when I was the same age as your daughter. It worked a treat. I couldn't be scared of a fluffy "andrex puppy". I am no longer scared of dogs. Enjoy your puppy, OP.