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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off at parents' reaction to dog?

189 replies

MacarenaFerreiro · 30/05/2017 12:15

We have been thinking about getting a family dog for a few months. My kids are very excited about this idea and are old enough to understand the work which is involved with getting a dog. Yesterday we went to see puppies and put a deposit on one - she'll be coming home as soon as she's big enough to leave her mum.

Kids understandably excited about this and were desperate to share their news with everyone, including grandparents. My parents have made it clear in the past they very much disapprove of us getting a dog. To be clear - we live a fair distance from my parents, so it's not like i'm going to be expecting them to dogsit, have the dog while we're on holiday or be involved with the dog in any way at all. Plus I'm in my 40s, FFS and it's none of their business anyway.

When kids phoned Granny to tell her about the puppy she wouldn't even talk to them about it. They came off the phone quite deflated, "granny doesn't like us getting a puppy". AIBU to be a bit cross about this?

OP posts:
Coloursthatweremyjoy · 30/05/2017 13:50

I get it OP, I'd be upset as well. My Mum disaproves of many things I do. From what colour I painted my dining room to where I choose to go on holiday. It gets on my nerves, chiefly because I'm 39 and she doesn't live with me! Just irritating.

Just tell your children it's a good job Granny doesn't live with you. Enjoy your puppy. By the way, I have a dog he came from a reputable breeder with all the relevant paperwork. It wasn't a puppy farm. I would not under any circumstances have considered a rescue at that point in our lives with our children the age they were. My training club has several rescues and I know my decision was right.

Wolfiefan · 30/05/2017 13:58

Why do they object OP? They must have a reason.
Be aware. Your children can absolutely be scared of a puppy. Puppies are bitey and jumping little bastards. They only look so cute in order to stop you packaging them up and posting them a bloody long way off! Shock

DixieNormas · 30/05/2017 14:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

waitforitfdear · 30/05/2017 14:10

Mmmm not all puppies are jumpy and bitey

Rubies12345 · 30/05/2017 14:12

A lot of people feel strongly against buying a puppy. There's posters up in the vets that say adopt don't shop.

scottishtreehugger · 30/05/2017 14:14

Not all breeders are puppy farms, to be fair. And a rescue dog doesn't suit everybody's circumstances.

I am looking for doggy number 2 ATM and the local rescue places don't have anything which would be suitable with young dc. So we will probs get a puppy. When DD is much older I plan to rehome the oldest, smelliest, ugliest dogs and give them a nice home for their last year's.

scottishtreehugger · 30/05/2017 14:15

Years! Ignore errant apostrophe!

Wolfiefan · 30/05/2017 14:17

@waitforitdear
Actually ALL puppies mouthe. They explore the world primarily using their teeth. Those little needle sharp razors. It hurts.

Huskylover1 · 30/05/2017 14:18

They sound like Joy Suckers.

A new dog will bring you so much joy.

I wouldn't have got a rescue dog when you have children.

Enjoy your new addition!

Suntrapped · 30/05/2017 14:20

Are you prepared to put her in a crate/outside when they visit? What will you do when you visit them, do you have friends you can leave her with?

I don't want to interact with anyone's dog. They smell, leave hair on everything and are generally annoying, wanting to sniff, lick and jump on me. I don't go to homes where's there's a dog indoors. The smell in an enclosed space makes me feel sick and the floating fluff makes me sneeze. There's no way I'd let a visitor bring a dog into my home. I can understand why your parents might be dismayed at a dog joining your household.

WannaBe · 30/05/2017 14:22

My mum would have the same reaction if I got any more animals. The cat we adopted last year had the same reaction and when she sadly was hit by a car and killed only four months later my mum said "don't bloody get any more."

Some people are just like that. I would just ignore.

FWIW I would never rescue as the backgrounds are too unknown and there are very few dogs in rescue which are suitable to be rehomed with children anyway. Besides which where the OP gets her dog from is no-one else's business.

ExConstance · 30/05/2017 14:25

I'm all for individual choice but the stereotype of a rescue dog as having problems is just not true. These days it is often because of divorce, moving to a rented place where dogs are not allowed or an older owner doing into a care home or dying, quite often these dogs have exemplary behaviour. We have had 5 dogs during our long and happy marriage, and two children. Dog one was rescue - a 10 week old puppy who was the last of the litter to go and needed a home where she could be loved and learn. She was intelligent and funny and lived to be 17, coping well with the children as they arrived. Dog 2 a rescue dachshund was so calm that DS1 used him as a pillow (under supervision). Dog 3 was the only puppy we bought. Parents were seen at the breeders, very affectionate, both parents were champions. He was a total pain and did bite DS1 quite badly over some split Smarties. Our best behaved and kindest dogs were the last 2 - rescue Staffies, never a puddle in the house, perfect manners, walked well on the lead. OP if you think that by buying a pedigree dog from a breeder you are more likely to have an easy ride it certainly isn't the case, and yes, puppies, once they grow a bit and are bouncy and chewy are more scary.

gillybeanz · 30/05/2017 14:39

It's nothing to do with the gp's at all.
Could they be thinking it will be too much on your own looking after a dog, do you work?

With the best will in the world it comes down to mum doing all the responsibility of caring for the dog.

Kids, really don't have an idea and invariably start of with good intentions.
A shame they couldn't be more supportive and encouraging the dc though.

Original poster
MacarenaFerreiro · 30/05/2017 14:40

Maybe i'm cynical. But I've seen so many people advertising year old dogs for rehoming because they're moving, getting divorced or because they "can no longer give them the time they deserve". To me that reads as "couldn't be arsed training it, it's now an out of control adult dog and I can't cope". You just don't know. If you're getting a dog from a rescue centre you have no idea what you're taking on, the history of it, how healthy the parents were etc.

And at the end of the day we wanted a pedigree puppy, not an older dog. We did look in the SSPCA centre close to us and nearly every dog was a Staffie cross type or a chihuahua type which doesn't appeal at all, and many say that the dog isn't suitable for homes with children.

OP posts:
seafoodeatit · 30/05/2017 14:46

Whilst not very nice, it doesn't sound like your parents reaction was completely unpredictable, if they don't like pets/dogs then clearly they were not going to be over the moon and you should have avoided the call. You don't need your parents to validate your choices, not everything you do has to please them and likewise they don't have to pretend to like dogs, although for their grand kids they probably should have toned it down, maybe you calling up to announce despite knowing their reservations came across as goady?

Pollydonia · 30/05/2017 14:54

Well op, I'm excited for you, a pet that is wanted and loved is a fabulous addition to a family. I've got a lab cross - he is ace and has been great for me emotionally and physically. Do you have a pic of the pup ? Smile

Fairenuff · 30/05/2017 14:55

Two of the kids are secondary school age so will be taking on some of the responsibility of walking and caring for the dog

I wouldn't bank on it OP. Once the novelty wears off, it will be you out walking in the rain most days.

What will you do with the dog when you go to visit your parents?

CornflakeHomunculus · 30/05/2017 14:55

Although it is a bit mean for them to be so down on something your children are excited about could it be coming from a place of concern as they know your DD is scared of dogs?

You were worried on your other thread that your DD would "freak out" just visiting the breeder so it's not entirely unreasonable for your parents to be thinking bringing a puppy (especially of a large and active breed) into the house isn't necessarily the best idea.

BandeauSally · 30/05/2017 15:03

Your DD is scared of dogs? What age is she?

AvoidingCallenetics · 30/05/2017 15:05

My mum's last dog was a rescue one. It was traumatised from having been abandoned at the side of a road and never totally got over her fear of men. She was nervy and she wouldn't have been a suitable dog for children.
Nothing wrong with the OP wanting a puppy that will grow up with her dc and that she can properly train from day one and knows the full background.

The gps should have shown enthusiasm for something the kids are do excite about. If they don't make the effort to share the dc's lives, the dc will eventually stop trying to include them, which will be sad for both

Original poster
MacarenaFerreiro · 30/05/2017 15:10

DD was fine at the breeder yesterday and i;m sure she'll be fine with the dog.

OP posts:
BandeauSally · 30/05/2017 15:13

What age is she?

Wolfiefan · 30/05/2017 15:13

But will she be ok with a biting puppy? Confused
You still haven't said what their objections are?

Strokethefurrywall · 30/05/2017 15:15

Well I'm very excited for you OP, I'd love a golden retriever pup, they're little faces are adorable!

I still remember the day after we bought our 8 week old pup home (I was 29 and pre-kids) and I woke up in the morning and tore down the stairs to see him like it was Christmas. I've never been so excited in my life!

SandyDenny · 30/05/2017 15:22

If everyone got a rescue dog surely dogs would soon become extinct.

Why do so many automatically assume that everyone whose dog has puppies is a puppy farmer, saying you should have got a resuce dog is as rude as reaction as the GPs in my opinion.

Good luck with your puppy OP