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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be ever so slightly annoyed that another Mum has washed my baby's bear? ?

271 replies

drivinmecrazy · 27/05/2017 01:30

As I was putting my DD2 (11yo) to bed this evening I passed her 'Puddin', her beloved bear.
As I did so I put him to my face to inhale him as I have done many many times (sounds strange but it's because he always smells of her and is a warm and familiar object which connects me to her since she was a baby)
But this evening as I 'sniffed ' him he smelt different, very unfamiliar.
Yesterday evening DD2 was at a friends house for a sleepover as they had an inset day today so I strongly suspect that Puddin has been washed.
Now I have no objection to the teddy being washed, but he now smells horrid and unfamiliar.
DD is being very cagey about if he was washed or not, I think to spare my feelings.
But I would never wash someone else's Bed Ted without prior arrangement.
Sounds very OTT but I'm a little put out and annoyed. He had only been washed a week ago so was not dirty. Yet now he reeks (because she has obviously used a very strongly scented detergent ) of an unfamiliar smell.
AIBU to be annoyed, because I really am feeling cross!!!

OP posts:
Cornettoninja · 27/05/2017 01:34

Yabu - he'll be back to normal soon enough, maybe your dd dropped something on him/him in something.

Wash him again to speed things up.

SealSong · 27/05/2017 01:34

What? Seriously??
YABU and rather ridiculous.

This has to be a wind up, surely?

shockofthepops · 27/05/2017 01:37

I think you got too much time on your hands if you're worrying about this

Pallisers · 27/05/2017 01:38

DD is being very cagey about if he was washed or not, I think to spare my feelings.

Far more likely that there was high-jinks, a bottle of juice or coke or something was knocked over onto the toy and the mum washed it for your dd as a favour.

You sound odd about this toy and its smell tbh. You do know that childhood ends?

Is this a wind-up?

Original poster
drivinmecrazy · 27/05/2017 01:44

Really not a wind up, but equally not the most important thing in my life right now, but just a niggling annoyance.
Both my DDs have their favourite bears who have become part of bedtime routines and sources of comfort throughout their lives.
DD1 has 'BT' who spends all of her life now on a shelf because DD1 is 16. DD2 has 'Puddin' who is still very well loved and snuggled every night by her.
At the risk of sounding like a complete loon, they have very much become part of our family as the girls have grown (I am not delusional, I know they are just teddy bears ).

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 27/05/2017 01:53

YANBU to be cross but I would get over it quickly. It is not worth thinking about.

ScarlettFreestone · 27/05/2017 01:59

I agree with Pall the other Mum kindly washed her bear because she did something bloody stupid like dropping it down the loo or spilled Coke on it.

If she's being cagey it's because telling the truth is going to get her in trouble.

Come on! You must know this!

Other Mums don't randomly take some kids bedtime Bear and wash it for no reason.

cheeeekyavocado · 27/05/2017 02:07

Why do you 'put' your 11 year old to bed? I thought you were referring to a toddler till you put the age.

She's probably being cagey because she knows you are weird about the bear. Teddy bears are not part of the family.

Seriously, you need to grow up.

Pallisers · 27/05/2017 02:17

Really not a wind up, but equally not the most important thing in my life right now, but just a niggling annoyance.

But you do know that the mother didn't wash the bear to rid it of the scent of childhood and rob you of something? If she washed the bear at all she did it because in the course of the sleepover it got stained/spilled on.

You are very invested in the smell of a toy tbh.

Pallisers · 27/05/2017 02:19

and seriously - the bears are part of the family? no they are not. They are part of the memories/narrative/history of your family. Very different.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 27/05/2017 02:27

YABU for the title alone. "My baby's bear"? She's 11yo ffs, not a baby.

Teddy bears are not members of the family. You thinking this way is what's lead to such a strange attachment in regards to its smell.

steff13 · 27/05/2017 02:28

There are only two reasons why I'd wash a visiting child's teddy bear - something spilled on it, or the child asked me to. I do enough laundry with my our family, I wouldn't volunteer to do a guest's.

Original poster
drivinmecrazy · 27/05/2017 02:37

To the PP questioning why j would still be 'putting' my 11 to to bed, why not?
She is still just a little girl. I know I am on borrowed time with her because I have an older DD so know that the moments she let's me share are getting fewer amd fewer.
A chat about her day and a little cuddle is a blessing I might not have in a year or two.
And as for the bears not being part of our family, we obviously don't set a place for them at dinner , but I still have my childhood bear as does my DH and our parents.

OP posts:
AllTheWittyNamesAreGone · 27/05/2017 02:41

Its all a bit creepy..

Only1scoop · 27/05/2017 02:42

Agree with pp
Mum wouldn't just take the bear away and wash it. Probably got food or drink on it.
You only washed it a week ago. How unfortunate you aren't happy their choice of fabric conditioner Confused

ScarlettFreestone · 27/05/2017 02:42

You aren't addressing the key point though OP you must know the other mother washed it because of some mishap?

Chloe84 · 27/05/2017 02:48

AIBU to be annoyed, because I really am feeling cross!!!

So are you ever so slightly annoyed or really cross? Either way, get a grip. She can still snuggle him Hmm

Original poster
drivinmecrazy · 27/05/2017 02:50

I'm sure there was a reason to wash the bear, but why not just say so? Why the mystery? And WTF did she wash it with to make it smell so pungent?
Even DD says it smells like her trainers.
I know now I am being unreasonable, but still not happy that the bear smells the way he does.

OP posts:
Pallisers · 27/05/2017 02:51

OP, do you really think the mother hosting this sleepover decided to wash your daughter's bear to interfere with or annoy you?

I don't care about bears (we have them - I preserve them, my kids, once grown don't give a shit), or putting to bed - I say goodnight and check in with my 15/16/20 year olds. But why in the world would you think another mother was targeting a child's teddy? Your OP was weird.

Pallisers · 27/05/2017 02:52

I know now I am being unreasonable, but still not happy that the bear smells the way he does.

I was going to say you need to get a grip but I think you may need to get a life.

steff13 · 27/05/2017 02:53

He smells like shoes? Gross.

I doubt it's a mystery; she probably (rightly) thought it was no big deal and forgot to mention it. Your daughter is the one you said was being "cagey." Ask her why all the mystery.

Only1scoop · 27/05/2017 03:03

'I'm sure there was a reason to wash the bear, but why not just say so? Why the mystery?'
Ask your 11 year old again if you really need to know.

feathermucker · 27/05/2017 03:05

To spare your feelings?! You have invested way, way too much time in thinking about this.

She's 11. Gain some perspective here; you seem waaaay more bothered than your daughter!

Littlefrogletx · 27/05/2017 03:05

Dont make your dd feel cagey and anxious over a teddy bear being washed.
Seriously dont.

ScarlettFreestone · 27/05/2017 03:07

"why not just say so?" Confused

Because your daughter is eleven years old and entirely capable of telling you herself!!!

Why on earth would the other mother need to tell you?

Washing powder that smells different to your own always smells strongly. If it bothers your daughter not you just wash it.