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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be ever so slightly annoyed that another Mum has washed my baby's bear? ?

271 replies

drivinmecrazy · 27/05/2017 01:30

As I was putting my DD2 (11yo) to bed this evening I passed her 'Puddin', her beloved bear.
As I did so I put him to my face to inhale him as I have done many many times (sounds strange but it's because he always smells of her and is a warm and familiar object which connects me to her since she was a baby)
But this evening as I 'sniffed ' him he smelt different, very unfamiliar.
Yesterday evening DD2 was at a friends house for a sleepover as they had an inset day today so I strongly suspect that Puddin has been washed.
Now I have no objection to the teddy being washed, but he now smells horrid and unfamiliar.
DD is being very cagey about if he was washed or not, I think to spare my feelings.
But I would never wash someone else's Bed Ted without prior arrangement.
Sounds very OTT but I'm a little put out and annoyed. He had only been washed a week ago so was not dirty. Yet now he reeks (because she has obviously used a very strongly scented detergent ) of an unfamiliar smell.
AIBU to be annoyed, because I really am feeling cross!!!

OP posts:
PandasRock · 27/05/2017 07:57

I could understand a passing pang of 'oh, that's wrong' if I passed my dc one of their favourite teddies at bedtime and it smelled strongly of the wrong detergent. Because it would smell out of place, and 'not right'. But I wouldn't be annoyed, or cross.

I too thought this thread would be about a much younger child, and that there would be an actual problem (like maybe they would baby wouldn't settle without the 'right smelling' toy) and therefore a reason for you to be feeling annoyed.

Just wash the ted again in your washing powder.

Maybe your dd is being cagey about why it was washed because whatever caused it to need a wash was down to her misbehaviour?

Quartz2208 · 27/05/2017 08:01

She didn't wash someone else's bed ted without prior arrangement. The owner was there and knew about it. The mum did not mention it because the owner was there and knew about it.

You are missing the problem here though, why has your daughter not told you, why does she feel the need to spare you feelings. Your over reaction I think is why so she is lying to stop that.

happypoobum · 27/05/2017 08:03

Don't worry OP, I expect DD and her mate were necking vodka during their sleepover and DD threw up all over "Puddin" so e had to be washed.

Does that make you feel any better? Grin

Seriously, you sound quite unhinged.

MissBeehiving · 27/05/2017 08:04

You really need to get your own bear 🐻 OP. Sniffing your daughters and getting distressed about it being washed is a bit odd

UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 27/05/2017 08:09

They wouldn't have washed it without a good reason and probably thought they were doing you a favour? If you're upset surely just wash the bear again with your own detergent? Your children have to understand that when things get dirty/stained they need to be washed.

toots111 · 27/05/2017 08:10

I came onto this thinking it must be a mum washed an actual baby's bear and now the baby wouldn't take it (happened to me with a rabbit once). But an 11 year old? And your DD doesn't care? Yes YABU.

Itsallamysterytome · 27/05/2017 08:11

I reckon the girls put the bear through a survival course in the garden. It came a cropper on the zip wire and needed a wash. Maybe she would really like to put the bear on a shelf but doesn't know how to tell you OP

As for the detergent used to wash it, that is why it comes in so many different scents, different ones appeal. If that wasn't the case we would all buy unscented. The Other mum's detergent just doesn't appeal to you.

UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 27/05/2017 08:13

@Itsallamysterytome survival course lol that bear has a more exciting life than me! 😂😂

sparechange · 27/05/2017 08:16

This is one of the creepiest things I've read on here

You are infantilising your poor DD because you aren't ready for her to grow up
Do you realise how much damage that can do on the long run?

Get a pet, get your own teddy, just let your poor child grow up!

Trufflethewuffle · 27/05/2017 08:18

Is it possible it smells like trainers because your DD shoved it in her sports bag with her trainers? So that her friend wouldn't see it perhaps?

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 27/05/2017 08:18

If Bear smells of trainers, he's probably still a bit damp.
Rewash in your own soap solution, and dry him outdoors (but not in direct sunlight in case he gets sunburn)

Clawdy · 27/05/2017 08:18

My first thought was she was sick all over the bear......and the unfortunate mum had to wash it.

Northgate · 27/05/2017 08:19

You do sound over-attached to your DD's teddy.

I imagine the other mum didn't mention it because it simply never crossed her mind that another parent might be bothered if she washed their 11 yr old child's dirty teddy. And something must have made the teddy mucky or she wouldn't have bothered washing it. It's certainly something that wouldn't occur to me to mention.

Just rewash it in your normal detergent and then it should smell as it usually does.

RitaMills · 27/05/2017 08:24

Oh do call the mum and say what you've said in your OP, please report back the reply, I could do with a laugh this morning. Grin

Rioja123 · 27/05/2017 08:26

Baby? She's 11!

NavyandWhite · 27/05/2017 08:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EdithWeston · 27/05/2017 08:27

Your DD doesn't seem to give a stuff, so I think YABU to mind more than she does.

Especially as she's being cagey about it. For all you know, she asked to have it washed, because she prefers it that way.

This one isn't about you.

C0untDucku1a · 27/05/2017 08:32

Rewash the bear... and get some counselling

pilates · 27/05/2017 08:36

YABVU and weird.

I feel embarrassed for you.

Ktown · 27/05/2017 08:41

I don't understand the issue. I washed a kids bear once because it smelt terrible and I thought my kid had done something like be sick on it.
Anyway the mum was happy as she said it was filthy and she had been keen to do it for months.

HoldBackTheRain · 27/05/2017 08:43

OP I think it's fair to say YABU to be annoyed and cross. After I red your post I wondered if it was April Fools day.

My aspergers DS has a childhood bear that used to go everywhere with us up until a few years ago - home and abroad. Sometimes he stank to high heaven, to be honest I would have been bloody grateful to anyone that might have put him through their washing machine!

HoldBackTheRain · 27/05/2017 08:43

oops read not red! Grin

Billben · 27/05/2017 08:44

You are infantilising your poor DD because you aren't ready for her to grow up

She is 11 years old still being put to bed by her mother. And "bed ted"? Cringey.
You need to sort yourself out OP because there will be a time soon (if not already) when your daughter will start being embarrassed by you.

BrexitSucks · 27/05/2017 08:48

I still have my childhood bear as does my DH and our parents.

Okay, I'll play in the silly probably untrue thread.

Is OP's entire extended family in a timetrap circa 1915, when no one had more than a single special (unwashed) Ted? Teen DD must have 50+ cuddlies, down from a peak of 200 I reckon. I have no idea what they smell like.

Here is a special Ted... I suspect was a gift from my grandfather to my Gran when they were courting in 1921-22 (she was 16-17yo). I spent £50 getting him restored.

TheFreaksShallInheritTheEarth · 27/05/2017 08:49

I like threads like this on MN because they make me feel like a normal, sane, reasonable mother.