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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be ever so slightly annoyed that another Mum has washed my baby's bear? ?

271 replies

drivinmecrazy · 27/05/2017 01:30

As I was putting my DD2 (11yo) to bed this evening I passed her 'Puddin', her beloved bear.
As I did so I put him to my face to inhale him as I have done many many times (sounds strange but it's because he always smells of her and is a warm and familiar object which connects me to her since she was a baby)
But this evening as I 'sniffed ' him he smelt different, very unfamiliar.
Yesterday evening DD2 was at a friends house for a sleepover as they had an inset day today so I strongly suspect that Puddin has been washed.
Now I have no objection to the teddy being washed, but he now smells horrid and unfamiliar.
DD is being very cagey about if he was washed or not, I think to spare my feelings.
But I would never wash someone else's Bed Ted without prior arrangement.
Sounds very OTT but I'm a little put out and annoyed. He had only been washed a week ago so was not dirty. Yet now he reeks (because she has obviously used a very strongly scented detergent ) of an unfamiliar smell.
AIBU to be annoyed, because I really am feeling cross!!!

OP posts:
londonrach · 27/05/2017 03:22

Yabu and abit strange. I say that as someone who still sleeps with childhood soft toy. Your dd at 11 is not a baby and can tell you what happened so why does anyone else need to. Suspect dbear got dirty and kind mother of sleepover washed dbear. If anything you should be thanking that mother for her time, washing powder, water, electricty etc to wash dbear. Smell will be gone vvv soon.

kmc1111 · 27/05/2017 03:43

If it has a weird scent it's probably because of whatever happened to it that made it necessary to wash it. I'm 1000% sure the other mother didn't just wash it for fun, and if DD doesn't want to tell you why then it's probably because she was careless. Regardless it's not a big deal. It's not even a tiny deal.

Honestly you sound more attached to this bear than your daughter.

KoalaDownUnder · 27/05/2017 03:51

I'm sure there was a reason to wash the bear, but why not just say so? Why the mystery?

Confused It's not a mystery. Just nobody thought it worth mentioning, because it's a bear. Belonging to an 11-year-old. (Not a baby, fgs).

Ginger782 · 27/05/2017 03:53

Christ on a bike, OP. This has to be a blatant attempt to get into the Daily yes?

Get off the internet, wash the bloody bear in some of your own precious detergent and stick it in the kid's bed.

Biscuit

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 27/05/2017 03:58

Or maybe she and her friend decided to wash their bears. My dc have spent happy, sunny days washing their bears adds to list of fun holiday activities to drag out again this year . Maybe the mother didn't know, as at 11 I wouldn't closely supervise, and they borrowed a bit too much washing powder.

My 7yr old will put himself to bed, the 10 and 12yr olds would think me most strange if I came in to sniff their teddies. Quick kiss downstairs and off they go.

RedBullBlood · 27/05/2017 03:59

Yup, give the woman a call and tell you're annoyed at her washing your baby's teddy. I can pretty well guarantee she (and her daughter) will be out of your lives forever... it'll be just you and Puddin' and a preteen daughter who is already on guard to spare your precious feelings.

GrassWillBeGreener · 27/05/2017 04:01

I'm inclined to agree you sound slightly over-attached to this.

But I understand the putting-to-bed bit; it's only in the last few months that my 11 yr old son has chosen not to be tucked-in almost every night. It is indeed a useful opportunity to talk about things that don't come up otherwise. But they ARE growing up at this age - my "little" boy's voice is already starting to change Sad

Ginger782 · 27/05/2017 04:05

I think you should call the other mother and tell her what you told us in your original post. Then she can come onto MN and post on AIBU:
"So today my DD had a friend over, everything was going well until they accidently spilt chocolate milk on visiting girl's teddy bear. I washed the bear and don't you know it, her mother has called me in a rage ranting about how upset she is that the bear no longer smells of lavendar and innocence. AIBU to have washed the bloody bear? Surely the mother would have been annoyed if I sent it home stinking of milk?"

DirtyChaiLatte · 27/05/2017 04:15

Ginger782
Ha! Well said.

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/05/2017 04:32

This is her teddy and forming this kind of attachment to her belongings is intrusive and wrong. Are you controlling in other aspects of her life? If she can't even tell you why the teddy was washed, what will happen if she get bullied, pressured to have sex or is raped? Your priority as a parent is all wrong. Your children should be able to come and talk to you about anything yet your twelve yr old can't even tell you why her teddy was washed. Are you going to do the soul searching required before it's too late?

Monstamio · 27/05/2017 04:44

This is completely bonkers. If it was only washed last week then it hardly smells of her childhood. Unless you just mean fairy non bio in which case just rewash it! I agree with others that it's not fair to make your dd feel she needs to spare your feelings over things. It should be you protecting her not the other way around.

FanjoForTheMammaries · 27/05/2017 04:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheweewitchRoz · 27/05/2017 04:59

I agree with all other posters - Ginger & Monstamio in particular put it well.

Silverdream · 27/05/2017 05:06

Your daughter is being cagey about it because she knows you go ott about something trivial.
I can see exactly why she is wary to tell you. I'd have a look at your feeling about this. They appear slightly off kilter.

troodiedoo · 27/05/2017 05:15

Do you wash him in non bio? Hmm

Fluffybrain · 27/05/2017 05:16

I remember my teddy bear being washed and worrying that his soul had been washed out of him. But he was still the same afterwards. He didn't like his ears being pegged to the washing line though!

Temporary2002 · 27/05/2017 05:30

Just re wash it in your own detergent.

BusterGonad · 27/05/2017 05:31

This reminds me of a time (sort of) when I was a child minder and would pick a girl up from school 3 afternoons a week, her coat was ALWAYS filthy with snot slug trails and food down it, she wasn't neglected or anything but I think her parents were the type that didn't really worry about such things, it made me feel really sick just looking at it and even more so when I had to touch it and help her put it on, so one day I washed it, I knew I was over stepping the mark but I couldn't deal with it a minute longer, I pretended to the mother something got spilt down it when she arrived, the girl knew it hadn't but at this stage I just didn't care. I know Op that the teddy was clean so the story isn't very similar, but I'm sure the other girls mother didn't wash the bear with malice, only kindness.

FlossyMooToo · 27/05/2017 05:57

Oh dear god OP you need to get out more Confused
YABU.

zen1 · 27/05/2017 06:07

Wash it again if it bothers you that much. But YABU to refer to your 11 year old as a baby.

JigglyTuff · 27/05/2017 06:13

Why is your DD trying to spare your feelings when it's her bear? That's a weird dynamic

GeekyWombat · 27/05/2017 06:27

Good grief!

PoorYorick · 27/05/2017 06:45

FFS.

blueskyinmarch · 27/05/2017 06:46

When I first read the post I thought it was about an 11 month old not an11 year old! Surely if the bear has been washed and smells different you just need to wash it in your own wash detergent. It is such a non event.

LedaP · 27/05/2017 06:49

If my dd thought she had to spare my feelings because her mates mum washed her bear, i would really be looking at the dynamic between us.

Clearly your dd knows this bear is very important to you and is worried about telling you someone else washed it.....just think about that.....thats not right.