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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be ever so slightly annoyed that another Mum has washed my baby's bear? ?

271 replies

drivinmecrazy · 27/05/2017 01:30

As I was putting my DD2 (11yo) to bed this evening I passed her 'Puddin', her beloved bear.
As I did so I put him to my face to inhale him as I have done many many times (sounds strange but it's because he always smells of her and is a warm and familiar object which connects me to her since she was a baby)
But this evening as I 'sniffed ' him he smelt different, very unfamiliar.
Yesterday evening DD2 was at a friends house for a sleepover as they had an inset day today so I strongly suspect that Puddin has been washed.
Now I have no objection to the teddy being washed, but he now smells horrid and unfamiliar.
DD is being very cagey about if he was washed or not, I think to spare my feelings.
But I would never wash someone else's Bed Ted without prior arrangement.
Sounds very OTT but I'm a little put out and annoyed. He had only been washed a week ago so was not dirty. Yet now he reeks (because she has obviously used a very strongly scented detergent ) of an unfamiliar smell.
AIBU to be annoyed, because I really am feeling cross!!!

OP posts:
lobsterface · 28/05/2017 21:57

Wait your baby is 11?!

vickiemother · 28/05/2017 22:05

Yesterday 11:52 SnickersWasAHorse

An 11 year old took a teddy to a sleep over?
Did they do a year 6 residential this year? Did she take him there too? I can imagine the poor thing being teased for that.

I'm pretty surprised that you find that so unusual. My daughter has a toy dog who she adores- he is threadbare and actually can't be washed as he would fall apart. She's 10 and she took him to her friends sleepover last night as did most of the other girls. She (and the majority of others - including boys) also took her dog to her residential with the school. Kids have to grow up so fast these days that I found it really sweet that they all felt happy to take their teddies.

I find the attachment to this teddy pretty weird - I would understand far more if your daughter reacted this way about the teddy but for you as the mother it's just plain odd. I wouldn't wash another child's teddy unless reason arose to do so - I have plenty of my own washing. If I did have reason to then I would expect the parent to be grateful in the same way I would be. I'd be pretty hacked off to find out I did something nice and then got slagged off online for it. I was also be extremely confused. I don't think that there is any mystery about it or deliberately holding back the information. It sounds more like It didn't even cross her mind to tell you as it was such a non event and your daughter is plenty old enough to tell you herself. If she doesn't dare do that then it's a little odd as a mother daughter relationship.

Despite this, I really don't understand how many people are saying it's abnormal to be putting a child to bed at 11. My children are 6, 8, 10, 12 and 17. I go up to bed with all of them to tuck them in and I spent 15 minutes or so chatting. We read their book together (for the younger two) and then chat about their day and any worries they might have. With five kids I think it's really important to have this one on one time with them all and the kids would be pretty upset if I decided they were "too old" for it. They are perfectly able to get to sleep without this when I'm working but they all like this individual time. The only one I don't do that with is the 17 year old as he's far too busy on his computer but I still always peek my head round the door and say night before I go to bed. It's not like anyone said they sit by their 11 year olds specially asapated cot singing lullabies. I don't see why anyone wouldn't just go and say goodnight to their child and especially when the child wants to do this too.

3luckystars · 28/05/2017 22:09

I think you should go over there and challenge her.

Daddystepdaddy · 28/05/2017 22:12

Wow YABU for sure.

3luckystars · 28/05/2017 22:17

(To an arm wrestle)

StarUtopia · 28/05/2017 22:22

I washed my friend's child's snuggle thing - because it was disgusting and it stank. I told her my baby had spilt milk on it. Seriously. Some of them are somewhat grim. (just being honest!)

I was going to say maybe this was the case here but then saw the bit that said the baby is 11.

YABVU. You actually need to get somewhat of a grip!

vickiemother · 28/05/2017 22:40

Today 19:51 Crunchymum

Why did you send your 11yo to a sleepover with a teddy bear?

It doesn't say she forced her to take it - although it sounds like op has a very strange relationship with the bear that doesn't mean her child didn't want to take it. As I said in my post above my daughter is 10 and would never leave her toy dog at home for a sleepover. At her friends sleepover last night there were 7 girls (all age 10 years) there and all of them had a teddy/dog/stuffed toy of some form. I therefore have to conclude that having a night time toy isn't that unusual at 10 and it's quite upsetting by how many people make out it's completely abnormal. Why can't kids be allowed to grow up in their own time rather than forcing them to grow up too soon (or stay a baby in OPs case?)

Mistletoekids · 28/05/2017 22:41

Hahahahahaa

SherbrookeFosterer · 29/05/2017 00:13

YANBU. It is just your maternal instincts kicking in.

But laugh it off and give your DD an extra big hug at some point.

Maybe she puked up on it or something silly... you will only find out if you make light of it.

user1495025590 · 29/05/2017 00:17

My dad used to do the sitting on the bed and chatting at bedtime. It was nice when I was little but as I got older I found it really irritating and a bit intrusive

FritzDonovan · 29/05/2017 00:19

the mother didn't wash the bear to rid it of the scent of childhood
Grin

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 29/05/2017 00:23

Puddin'???

PUDDIN'???

Oh do fuck off

1forAll74 · 29/05/2017 02:12

Maybe your daughters bear got peed on by the family dog, and the mother washed it in a more stronger detergent,and then your daughter would obviously not wish to tell you about such a happening, knowing too well how you would react.

38cody · 29/05/2017 02:41

I think I would be peed off if I thought the mother who washed it did do because he ( bear) was dirty or unhygenic - surely your daughter can tell you the details?
I agree with enjoying those last childhood cuddles by the way. ❤️

Mapenzi · 29/05/2017 07:08

Whaaaaat? Is it your bear or your daughters? Obviously she is cagey to avert drama.
This is more than over reaction.Do you even get a long wiyh the other mom?

ChangelingToday · 29/05/2017 07:53

Maybe it wasn't the friends mother who washed it at all, maybe your daughter washed it!

SoupDragon · 29/05/2017 08:12

Did they do a year 6 residential this year? Did she take him there too? I can imagine the poor thing being teased for that.

DC's school insist every child takes a stuffed animal of some sort on the Y6 residential. It means that none of the children tease those who actually still want one.

NoMoreStickers · 29/05/2017 08:29

Just wash it in your own detergent then find something else to worry about

bailz · 29/05/2017 08:37

@BusterGonad
" l put my 8 year old to bed, and he still needs help wiping his bottom! Some kids grow up quickly, some need more time, some still want their mum and dad to help and support them with things. Every child is different, I'll help my son with these things until he's confident and secure enough to do them on his own, that time will defiantly come and I'll be here until it does."

Excuse me? And 8 yo needs his bum wiped by his mum?

RainbowDashian · 29/05/2017 08:57

Yabu but I think you know that.
I really don't understand why people are blowing this way out of proportion...calling op "unhinged" or implying she has no life and needs help is not exactly the response of a rational (or kind) person.
I think op is being a little silly over a bear but I'm sure she is aware of that.

NecklessMumster · 29/05/2017 09:07

It prob is a bit u but I think smell affects us on a primal level, eg we are attracted to our partners by their smell and I have been known to wash clean clothes donated to me by my sister because they don't smell right, ie not my washing powder

ShowMePotatoSalad · 29/05/2017 09:22

I feel bad for your DD that she had to skirt around the truth over such a trivial matter. Does she always have to tread on eggshells like this?

I fear the teenage years will be a challenge for you, OP. And it's only round the corner so perhaps get some help ASAP.

unapaloma · 29/05/2017 12:21

'DD is being very cagey about if he was washed or not, I think to spare my feelings.'
If your DD was upset by the change of smell, I'd be concerned she was way too closely attached to an object for an 11 yo. That you were upset, and she may have needed to protect your feelings, is really not how things should be.
I don't mean it unkindly, but I think you so need to get more new interests in your life, so that the smell of a toy is not so key. She's growing up, will soon be a teenager, she could easily throw the toy away in a couple of months - that shouldn't matter to you, because life is about enjoying experiences NOW, and watching your child grow up, not keeping hold of toys from early childhood even down to their smell.

LittleBearPad · 29/05/2017 12:28

Your DC is the one being cagey. Probably because her DM is being rather odd about the whole thing and making far too big a deal over it.

If you don't like the smell of whatever fabric conditioner has been used wash it again.

WimbledonMum1 · 29/05/2017 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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