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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH as self-proclaimed "Head of the House". Any tips please?

331 replies

Anastasia5 · 21/04/2017 10:20

I've been reading MN recently and would appreciate any thoughts about this situation. We just replaced a round dining table for a rectangular one. Last night when I was serving dinner, I'm not sure how it came into conversation, but DH announced to the DC that the reason he was sitting at the head of the table was because he was head of the family Hmm. The thing is, I'm not sure if he was actually joking or not. He went in to tell DS (12) that he can sit at the head of the table when he is responsible for his own family. DS' response to this was, "Well I'll probably be eating out most of the time anyway". Grin Then our elder DD (10) said to him, "No mummy is the head of the house because she's here more than you. You're just the head in the office."

DH then replied he is the one who keeps a roof over everyone's head or something to that effect. AIBU to find this attitude irritating? I'm a bit irritated anyway by him recently because I feel like he won't do anything unless I specifically ask. We have 3 DC and yes he works very hard, but I do pretty much everything else.

DH is British but from a fairly traditional Greek background for context. When I spoke to him later, he said he hadn't meant anything by it and of course he values me and "thankyou for everything"etc. AIBU to still feel irritated and WWYD if so?

OP posts:
tinydancer88 · 21/04/2017 10:22

If he wasn't joking I'd be incredibly irritated.

If he was, I'd be still be a bit irritated.

Moussemoose · 21/04/2017 10:23

Irritated?????
I'd have ripped his balls off and served them to him at the head of the fucking table!

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 21/04/2017 10:24

"as head of the household dh I thereby give you full responsibility of running it. The washing machine /dryer /iron is that way >and the cleaning materials for the bathroom are that way <

Supermarkets are that way>...
I am off for a long bath.

Let me know when dinner is ready.

Cooker is that way >"

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 21/04/2017 10:25

I would have laughter at him and ignored any further discussion. Tell him the Victorian era is back that way 150 odd years.

birdsdestiny · 21/04/2017 10:29

It's interesting that your dd can see who actually runs the house .

WutheringTights · 21/04/2017 10:30

This is a terrible example to set for your daughter. Does he want her to be a strong, independent woman or not? I'd point this out to him and avoid having allocated seas at dinner in future. Google everyday sexism. Once you start noticing it you can't stop seeing it everywhere.

HolditFinger · 21/04/2017 10:32

I think I'd have burst out laughing and told him to bugger off back to 1866!

honeylulu · 21/04/2017 10:33

Bloody hell!! My dad used to say this (and mean it). It was the main reason I decided (as a child) I would never get married.
When we - two daughters - challenged him he would say "well I earn most if the money so I AM the head of the household - its a matter of fact". Worse still my mum agreed with him!!
If he's not joking you seriously need to challenge this.

Original poster
Anastasia5 · 21/04/2017 10:33

I would laugh and usually when he's come out with similar "gems" I just take no notice, but he's had quite a few evenings / days out doing his hobbies lately that I just think who does he think he is to swan in and make that kind of statement? Whether he believes it or not, why say it?

OP posts:
Tomorrowillbeachicken · 21/04/2017 10:33

Lol if my hubby ever said this I'd laugh... and laugh... i doubt I'd ever stop.

TotalPineapple · 21/04/2017 10:35

I'd have called him out then and there. 'Keeps a roof over everyone's heads' indeed, watch him manage that without you doing everything else ffs.

I'd probably be making 'head of the table because you got your head up your arse' comments for months.

PeaFaceMcgee · 21/04/2017 10:37

Where you know where you'll be sitting tonight, don't you!

PeaFaceMcgee · 21/04/2017 10:38

*well

Haffdonga · 21/04/2017 10:38

How annoying.

If it was me I wouldn't resist using it at every opportunity to tease him mercilessly until he rues the day he ever thought he was head of anything. Call him 'The Head' . ( Would The Head make me a cup of tea? Does The Head fancy a biscuit with that? ) Make sure he knows that head of house duties include cleaning toilets/ clearing up cat sick/ buying school shoes /insert tasks he doesn't enjoy.

And seriously, make sure your dcs understand absolutely that you both run the house and family equally and their dad was very silly to forget that.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 21/04/2017 10:39

It's pissing you off so tell him you're not happy with how he thinks he's 'the boss'.

Your dd seems to be on the ball so keep encouraging that spirit.

Butterymuffin · 21/04/2017 10:41

You sit there tonight. Tell the kids you and their dad will be taking it in turns because you are the two adults who run the household. There's no one 'head'. Hmm If he dares to argue, death stare.

PoorYorick · 21/04/2017 10:43

Dickhead of the house.

JaxingJump · 21/04/2017 10:43

Oh my God. I'd be shocked and disgusted if DH came out with that. I would never have married someone with those thought processes so if he suddenly said such a thing I think I would genuinely feel like I'd been cheated on.

I couldn't have that kind of thinking in my house and around my kids.

RachelRagged · 21/04/2017 10:45

Irritated?????
I'd have ripped his balls off and served them to him at the head of the fucking table!

Grin Grin

Thank You ,, THAT made me roar laughing . Needed that

EssentialHummus · 21/04/2017 10:45

I'd have a chat with him away from the DC about how this kind of things comes across, and how it affects you.

When DH once jokingly said something similar (fairly conservative Russian background), I replied that I was the neck of the house, that turned the head in the right direction Grin.

Obsidian77 · 21/04/2017 10:46

I'd be ditching the rectangular table...

offblackeggshell · 21/04/2017 10:47

I think I'd be offering him his head on a plate. Then I would laugh loudly at him, and encourage the DC to do the same. DD3 sits at the head of our table.

Applebite · 21/04/2017 10:49

Play this loudly and turn up to full volume for the bit at the end!

m.youtube.com/watch?v=WWzBtuGsXGc

Yellowcups · 21/04/2017 10:50

I would assume he's joking and take turns to sit in this prized seat.

Original poster
Anastasia5 · 21/04/2017 10:51

Whether he was joking or not, I just feel like he opts in and out of the "household" as suits him. For instance, if he's here in the evenings, it would never occur to him to start the process of getting the kids to bed. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just left them as well. Then he'll just kind of show up to say goodnight once their actually in bed, as if that's all there is to it. Then he wonders why I'm faffing around when I'm getting uniforms and bags ready for the next morning, but he would never think to get involved. It's small things tbh, but I suppose I don't appreciate arrogant statements on top of everything else.

OP posts: