DH as self-proclaimed "Head of the House". Any tips please?

[Anastasia5]

I've been reading MN recently and would appreciate any thoughts about this situation. We just replaced a round dining table for a rectangular one. Last night when I was serving dinner, I'm not sure how it came into conversation, but DH announced to the DC that the reason he was sitting at the head of the table was because he was head of the family . The thing is, I'm not sure if he was actually joking or not. He went in to tell DS (12) that he can sit at the head of the table when he is responsible for his own family. DS' response to this was, "Well I'll probably be eating out most of the time anyway". Then our elder DD (10) said to him, "No mummy is the head of the house because she's here more than you. You're just the head in the office."

DH then replied he is the one who keeps a roof over everyone's head or something to that effect. AIBU to find this attitude irritating? I'm a bit irritated anyway by him recently because I feel like he won't do anything unless I specifically ask. We have 3 DC and yes he works very hard, but I do pretty much everything else.

DH is British but from a fairly traditional Greek background for context. When I spoke to him later, he said he hadn't meant anything by it and of course he values me and "thankyou for everything"etc. AIBU to still feel irritated and WWYD if so?

I think OP does feel like taken for granted and let things wash over her because his behaviour is deemed normal amongst her friends, she has a nice life style and at least he is not going to the pub.

I have never been introduced other than by my name in social situations.

Thankyou for all the comments since yesterday

I'm struggling to know what to say for fear of digging a bigger hole for myself. I've been thinking about my own background as a result of some of the comments. My mother did everything in the home and my dad did nothing all, even though he only worked 9-5 and never had to bring work home with him. Not only that, we didn't have that much money and he was always moaning. Even though he was physically 'there' in the house, he never really made an effort to do anything with us. Most of the time he would just watch TV.

Of course there are far worse fathers than this too, but if we base our expectations on our own previous family set-ups, then that was mine.

Despite his work focus and hobbies, DH is much more engaged with our kids than my dad was. He's generally an upbeat, positive person and they respond to this. He inspires them to try things out if their comfort zone. He tells them he loves them and he's proud of them. He never loses his temper or shouts at home. He has a lot of energy and he's fun to be around.

There is a lot that's great in our marriage, though he can be OTT in some aspects and this is why I was posting, along with the fact that the hobbies seem to have stepped up a gear recently. He does make me feel valued though in general. He can be a bit overwhelming, I suppose and I don't always have the energy to deal with it as well as I should.

What drives me crazy, and I challenge it each and every time, is when my dh is going away and he says to my son - now 16 but he's been saying this for years - "look after your Mum while I'm away." I answer every time with "I'm the adult, I'll look after ds, thank you." He just doesn't get how this is so patronising and puts down my role in the family. For the record, he was raised by parents where his mother was absolutely the head of the house - as was mine- so I don't know where this comes from. Apart from this, he's a "new man" in most areas but he's still a Work In Progress in others 😉

Anastasia, my mother did everything in the house too. My dad didn't even make a cup of tea for himself. But we never sat down to dinner without my dad saying "Wouldn't it be a poor house without your mother, isn't this a fine dinner" etc. he was a painter and when he came home after a long day of work, she would wash out his brushes while he ate his dinner. I never saw her (unpaid) work as unequal. I saw him come home every week and hand over the money to her to manage it. To me, they were a team with each of them having defined jobs within the team.
This is why it's important that your dh is giving the right messages to your children about the importance of your role in the family. To us growing up, my dad made it very clear to us that the family would fall apart with out my mother and so we valued what she did. Hope that makes sense.

Mine -yes it absolutely makes sense thankyou.

OP, are you his partner or his servant? Once you've answered this to your satisfaction, suggest you take appropriate action!