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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH as self-proclaimed "Head of the House". Any tips please?

331 replies

Anastasia5 · 21/04/2017 10:20

I've been reading MN recently and would appreciate any thoughts about this situation. We just replaced a round dining table for a rectangular one. Last night when I was serving dinner, I'm not sure how it came into conversation, but DH announced to the DC that the reason he was sitting at the head of the table was because he was head of the family Hmm. The thing is, I'm not sure if he was actually joking or not. He went in to tell DS (12) that he can sit at the head of the table when he is responsible for his own family. DS' response to this was, "Well I'll probably be eating out most of the time anyway". Grin Then our elder DD (10) said to him, "No mummy is the head of the house because she's here more than you. You're just the head in the office."

DH then replied he is the one who keeps a roof over everyone's head or something to that effect. AIBU to find this attitude irritating? I'm a bit irritated anyway by him recently because I feel like he won't do anything unless I specifically ask. We have 3 DC and yes he works very hard, but I do pretty much everything else.

DH is British but from a fairly traditional Greek background for context. When I spoke to him later, he said he hadn't meant anything by it and of course he values me and "thankyou for everything"etc. AIBU to still feel irritated and WWYD if so?

OP posts:
Goodasgoldilox · 21/04/2017 12:03

A good time to introduce history to mealtimes!
Start with the idea that those who see themselves as 'head' often end up without one... and yet things go on.

Take turns at the head of the table in future.

  • You could be conventional and award the position for great honours of the day or (my preference)
  • make it the position earned for great foolishness/lack of community spirit etc.. Your DP has earned his place there for a while.
AnyFucker · 21/04/2017 12:04

Your H fucked off to meet friends on your ds birthday after missing his party ?

He is right. He is Head of The Household.

xForsythia · 21/04/2017 12:06

I find it depressing that some posters have to talk about household chores to show the importance and role of a woman at home. (or a man for that matter). You are not an equal adult because you do menial tasks, but despite doing them!

NameChangeInCasePeopleRecogn · 21/04/2017 12:07

He thinks he's your boss.

My ex DH was like this. Enough said.

Orangetoffee · 21/04/2017 12:11

Is this the dust on the door frame guy?
He of course 'values' you, yes as long as you keep in mind who is boss.

Original poster
Anastasia5 · 21/04/2017 12:15

If I challenge him on anything he does his "What me?" expression as if I'm coming at him with something completely out of the blue.
On the weekend I told him I don't want him to go to his bloody boxing club more than one night a week (it's more boxing training so not as bad as it sounds) and he swore blind that he never does. Shock I had to show him on the calendar and then it was all excuses - "oh such and such needed me there that night. That was a very stressful week for me" etc. Anyway he has agreed to this, but it still makes me feel like I'm moaning. He should know himself.

OP posts:
PoorYorick · 21/04/2017 12:15

The thing about this kind of twat is that because they are so self centred, they think their approval is what matters to you. So as long as they tell you they appreciate you, they think that's all you need. Because what accomplishment could be more fulfilling than being able to stare adoringly at the Dickhead of the Family at the top of the table?

PoorYorick · 21/04/2017 12:16

Wait...dust on the doorframe? Has he been running a white-gloved finger over surfaces?

originalbiglymavis · 21/04/2017 12:20

How's his dad at home? Cock of the walk?

Original poster
Anastasia5 · 21/04/2017 12:22

No he has not mentioned doors?

He can't comment on dust as he does no cleaning anyway. Nor does he cook because of his "dyspraxia in the hands" Hmm and he claims he can't get "flavour combinations right"

OP posts:
PoorYorick · 21/04/2017 12:23

he claims he can't get "flavour combinations right"

Well then, he won't be any the wiser if you shake a few extra tablespoons of extra hot chilli in his portion tonight.

alltouchedout · 21/04/2017 12:24

Why would some of you laugh at the person who is supposed to love you asserting that he is fundamentally better than you? Is that funny?

It would be a contemptuous "you are being stupid" laugh from me.

originalbiglymavis · 21/04/2017 12:24

Has he always been so 19th century?

Orangetoffee · 21/04/2017 12:25

Ah different guy, same kind of attitude. I do as I like and you put up with it.

YogaAndRum · 21/04/2017 12:26

Going against the grain here, but it really wouldn't bother me too much.

NeverGoOutOfStyle · 21/04/2017 12:27

dyspraxia in the hands has me roaring the laughter! I am dyspraxic, fully diagnosed etc, and I am a good cook, and I cook every single night! You might need to tell him that in order to overcome his hand-dyspraxia Grin he'll need to cook every night, because practice make perfect!

originalbiglymavis · 21/04/2017 12:27

Oh and it would be more a snort of 'and you are taking the piss are you not?' and 'that is the dumbest thing I've ever heard'.

chocolateworshipper · 21/04/2017 12:29

I would dress up his chair like a throne, give him a fake crown, and then present him with a list of responsibilities that the head of the house has. These obviously include washing, cooking, ironing etc. Tell him how incredibly grateful you are to him for taking over these roles.

AnyFucker · 21/04/2017 12:33

I think all these suggestions for clever comebacks and dressing his throne up are completely missing the point

Batteriesallgone · 21/04/2017 12:37

So he's an entitled twat. Why are you suddenly noticing it now? Has he got worse or have you just reached the end of your very long piece of rope?

If he's suddenly got like this it might be fixable.

If he's always been like this, it's just that now the scales have fallen from your eyes - you won't be able to put them back even if you wanted to.

Original poster
Anastasia5 · 21/04/2017 12:46

His father is like a more extreme version of DH. He's 75 now and just sits all day with the Greek news blaring out at full volume so nobody can actually have a conversation.

Batteries - I think for years he was very busy with work as he's self-employed, but in the last year or so has been able to take a few steps back so he's working less. But rather than be around at home more, he does more sports and hobbies, so this is maybe what I'm irked about.

OP posts:
Apairofsparklingeyes · 21/04/2017 12:47

Have you actually sat down and told him how fed up you are about his selfish, sexist attitude? If you explain that he is actually damaging his children and ruining his marriage by his behaviour, do you think he would listen to you?

GiraffesAndButterflies · 21/04/2017 12:49

Not to put a downer on the great chair suggestions, but I don't think I could be in a relationship with someone who thought he was fundamentally superior to me. Sad

Mamia15 · 21/04/2017 12:50

Bloody hell.

So what are you going to do about him? Apart from moaning and thinking of clever comebacks?

Your DC will be soaking up all of this crap.

SideOrderofSprouts · 21/04/2017 12:54

I would have been wetting myself laughing