DH as self-proclaimed "Head of the House". Any tips please?

[Anastasia5]

I've been reading MN recently and would appreciate any thoughts about this situation. We just replaced a round dining table for a rectangular one. Last night when I was serving dinner, I'm not sure how it came into conversation, but DH announced to the DC that the reason he was sitting at the head of the table was because he was head of the family . The thing is, I'm not sure if he was actually joking or not. He went in to tell DS (12) that he can sit at the head of the table when he is responsible for his own family. DS' response to this was, "Well I'll probably be eating out most of the time anyway". Then our elder DD (10) said to him, "No mummy is the head of the house because she's here more than you. You're just the head in the office."

DH then replied he is the one who keeps a roof over everyone's head or something to that effect. AIBU to find this attitude irritating? I'm a bit irritated anyway by him recently because I feel like he won't do anything unless I specifically ask. We have 3 DC and yes he works very hard, but I do pretty much everything else.

DH is British but from a fairly traditional Greek background for context. When I spoke to him later, he said he hadn't meant anything by it and of course he values me and "thankyou for everything"etc. AIBU to still feel irritated and WWYD if so?

I think all these suggestions for clever comebacks and dressing his throne up are completely missing the point

Completely agree with the above. It just isn't remotely funny for a man to say something like this.

I'd be on board with the throne and so on if he was the kind of man who would see it, get a bit sheepish and say, "You're right, sorry guys" and then act accordingly.

He doesn't sound like that kind of man.

OP, you need a very frank conversation. Prep what you're going to say in advance and ignore any 'what me?' faces etc until you've finished. I wouldn't tolerate that sort of shit from a partner, and it's much worse as your kids are witnessing it.

We have a rectangular table, and we sit in different places all the time, there's no plan or rhyme or reason, it just happens.

I'd just laugh, roll my eyes and look at the kids so we could all laugh at him. Laughter is a great wind up when people are full of it.

I find it works wonders if someone cuts you up and you catch up with them at the lights, I can recommend it. I did it to one guy, pulled up next to him and looked across and laughed, he got more and more annoyed and I then indicated how big I thought his dick was. The woman with him nearly choked trying not to join in. I had to stop as he was turning purple and I thought he might have a heart attack.

I went off feeling amused instead of angry. Win win.

Nah, no way I'd being staying married to a twat like this. I wouldn't have either my sons or my daughter absorbing this bollux.

Oh and also if it's a rectangular table can't you have a head end each?

I thought all parents did that tbh. Makes for more effective damage control although I guess that's only relevant for young children.

He can believe what he likes about being the head of the household, it doesn't mean that he necessarily has the most power

Sounds like he does though peace

He'll be needing a face for that head - suggest you arrange his food in smiley faces on the plate. For the rest of your marriage.

If I did the throne thing, the kids would find it hilarious and DH would probably see the funny side and/or think I'd gone mad, but I don't know if he would actually change in any noticeable way.

He doesn't see himself as sexist at all and would be shocked if I told him he was. It would be, " I actively recruit women into senior roles". "I have never stopped you doing anything" - this kind of thing. He always has a reason for everything. Day to day I do as I want and he's not "bossy". He is very good to me in many ways and he would think I was looking for an argument if I started talking about individual issues. He'd be hurt if I told him he wasn't involved enough at home.

Broadly speaking the person with the most to loose has the least power.
If you split who would be worst off, does he need you more than you need him?

I mean lose 😶

He doesn't see himself as sexist at all

They never do. Sexism is wrong. Treating 'your' woman as your subordinate (office is fine, less personal investment) is just natural and right, especially if he has purchased you is the higher earner.

In a partnership there is no head, so suggests that he fundamentally feels that woman are inherantly secondary

I just asked my husband if he thought he was head of our household?

He answered with a rather dejected 'no' and told me that I am the head of our household

My dad did that once, I questioned him about it and he just got angry.

We have a rectangular table and anyone can sit anywhere. DH knows how I'd react if he tried any of that!

I just asked my husband the same question. He said, "Of course I'm the head of the household. You're just the decision maker."

What does it mean to be head of the household?
What are the rights and responsibilities?
Is it like being chairperson on a committee where the other members can vote you out?

Or is it just another way of saying I'm the boss?

He recruits women into senior roles, how good of him.

I guess that is how he sees your role as well, it is just that he is in a more senior role than you.

You don't work despite the fact your children are at school, and his hard work enables you to have this life of leisure. Let's face it, housework doesn't fill a full working day. If you want to be treated as an equal, maybe start bringing in some income? I would agree that he's the head of the house, and you're one of his dependents.

He sounds like an absolute prince op. Why on earth are you with him?

Another one here whose husband is a dinosaur! I feel your pain. Don't stop correcting him though.

I know I'll be called a hand maiden but there is truth in Harsh's post.