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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH as self-proclaimed "Head of the House". Any tips please?

331 replies

Anastasia5 · 21/04/2017 10:20

I've been reading MN recently and would appreciate any thoughts about this situation. We just replaced a round dining table for a rectangular one. Last night when I was serving dinner, I'm not sure how it came into conversation, but DH announced to the DC that the reason he was sitting at the head of the table was because he was head of the family Hmm. The thing is, I'm not sure if he was actually joking or not. He went in to tell DS (12) that he can sit at the head of the table when he is responsible for his own family. DS' response to this was, "Well I'll probably be eating out most of the time anyway". Grin Then our elder DD (10) said to him, "No mummy is the head of the house because she's here more than you. You're just the head in the office."

DH then replied he is the one who keeps a roof over everyone's head or something to that effect. AIBU to find this attitude irritating? I'm a bit irritated anyway by him recently because I feel like he won't do anything unless I specifically ask. We have 3 DC and yes he works very hard, but I do pretty much everything else.

DH is British but from a fairly traditional Greek background for context. When I spoke to him later, he said he hadn't meant anything by it and of course he values me and "thankyou for everything"etc. AIBU to still feel irritated and WWYD if so?

OP posts:
PoorYorick · 21/04/2017 11:21

Dh sits at the head of the table, he just does, no particular reason.

Oh, there's a reason.

Original poster
Anastasia5 · 21/04/2017 11:21

We're a family if 5, now around a rectangular table. He sat there this morning as well. Who knew issues could be caused by the shape of a table? We have another DD who is 8. Yes that's another thing, he doesn't help me bring anything through and I would have to ask him to help me clear up. I don't feel like I should need to ask him, this is the thing.

OP posts:
rumblingDMexploitingbstds · 21/04/2017 11:23

Bloody hell. Angry

So to paraphrase: 'kid who has a penis, one day you'll be responsible for a family, get the top spot and rule all. Kids without a penis, one day you'll do all the work and get to serve under Your Bepenised one.'

What a bloody message to give children! Never mind your partner!

And he dared to 'thank you for everything' like a good boss noticing the staff?

Dixie2016 · 21/04/2017 11:24

Ugh my DH (Dick Head) said similar to me last night. He earns more and therefore any bad behaviour on his part "must" be overlooked"!!

AnyFucker · 21/04/2017 11:25

"He just does"

Blimey, are your opinions always so devoid of analytical thinking ?

Kalizahara · 21/04/2017 11:29

Yanbu but this goes way deeper than a comment.

Dh occasionally joked about being the man of the house and says to ds1 that he'll be the man of the house one day. He is totally joking and got info, I'm the only WOMAN in the house. I joke and say dads comes from the 1950s and we all laugh.

It sounds like you're being treated as default cook, cleaner and parent, while he does what he likes. That causes more resentment imo than a cheeky comment. Does he think you're his employee?

LastnightaDJ · 21/04/2017 11:30

In Belgium the authorities like you to nominate the "Chef de la menage" who takes the lead in dealing with administrative matters. DH and I sometimes joke about this. But if he was serious I wouldn't find it funny. Does however illustrate that other cultures still embrace the notion. NB this is also the country where a colleague received a call from by his bank manager to inform him that colleague's wife's account was overdrawn and what was colleague going to do about it? It wasn't a joint account, btw.

Kalizahara · 21/04/2017 11:33

Oh and in our case dh STANDS at the worktop serving dinner because even if I am cooking, he doesn't just sit down like a gormless twit, he chips in, dishes up.

Then he sits next to the baby to help feed him.

RandomDent · 21/04/2017 11:34

Make him a crown with HEAD OF THE HOUSE written on it, then in tiny writing, write DICK at the beginning.

picklemepopcorn · 21/04/2017 11:38

Make place mats. Queen of China. Emperor of Arabia. Mother Nature. Ruler of the universe. Etc. Swap the chairs around so yours has a cushion and fancy cover, his doesn't.

Put the serving equipment at his place, and lay the cutlery differently, so 'his seat' doesn't have a meal setting.

Original poster
Anastasia5 · 21/04/2017 11:40

The previous night, we had gone out for pancakes because it had been DS' birthday the day before that and DH had missed the Segway party because of meetings. When we were leaving the restaurant, he got us an Uber and said he wasn't coming home because he had to go elsewhere to meet some friends (I know who these people are). Can you imagine If I did that to him? I feel as if I have to books night out weeks in advance, but he'll just do things at the last minute.

OP posts:
shellhider · 21/04/2017 11:42

Tell him that he's being a dick and to pack it in.

SunnyLikeThursday · 21/04/2017 11:43

I know someone like this and my dm said he wants to be "cock of his own midden heap". I liked that.

Original poster
Anastasia5 · 21/04/2017 11:43

I like the idea of the place mats Grin

OP posts:
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 21/04/2017 11:44

Bloody hell Anastastia, he's taking the piss.

said he wasn't coming home because he had to go elsewhere to meet some friends (I know who these people are) fuck that!

MsStricty · 21/04/2017 11:44

I wouldn't be standing for it, Anastasia. That kind of entitlement gives me the rage. I'd be serving him an ultimatum, and that's it.

PoorYorick · 21/04/2017 11:46

Oh OP, you need to get this sorted. He's an insufferable pillock. Your daughter is a smart girl but when she reaches her teens things are going to go to hell if he hasn't learned to treat women his family like normal human beings who aren't just lesser moons in the Great Orbit of His Ego.

originalbiglymavis · 21/04/2017 11:47

I would have laughed my head off.

I have the best seat at the table because... Well I just do. Dh sneakily sits there at breakfast because he knows it's the best place and I don't eat in the mornings anyway. Mum always sat closest to the kitchen door so that she could pop in and out.

honeylulu · 21/04/2017 11:48

I'm beginning to think you'd actually be better off divorced. He'd still provide for you and the kids, which seems to be the only role he has. You'd still do household stuff but only for you and the kids, not for him. You'd also get some dedicated time off while he has the kids EOW. Plus your daughters (and son) would not observe his appalling attitude towards you (ie women in general) on a daily basis.
I would rather be on my own than live like this, quite honestly.

ineedmoreLemonPledge · 21/04/2017 11:49

Before he comes home can you half saw through the back two legs of his throne dining chair?

Original poster
Anastasia5 · 21/04/2017 11:51

Yes I did get the rage that night because it was meant to be DS' birthday evening because DH missed the party, so the least he could have done was come home with us. What he had done was asked DS to go to his office after school and then he took him to a specialist music shop that sells vinyl (we got him a record player for his birthday). He bought him some records as if that excused the buggering off.

OP posts:
Lynnm63 · 21/04/2017 11:52

You have s greater problem than who sits where at a rectangular table. Technically my dh sits at the head of ours but we all have our own seats that were allocated by me years ago. He clears and brings things to the table as do the ds'. I wouldn't stand for this head of the house bs, we are a team.

Bibbitybobbitybollocks · 21/04/2017 11:53

I would now bother him with every single job, task, chore going.
"I was thinking of changing the toliet paper, what do you think?" "Teabags are 5p dearer this week, as head of the house should we swap brands?" Ad Nauseam.
disclaimer I'm not in the most mature of moods today so feel free to ignore

ineedmoreLemonPledge · 21/04/2017 11:55

Actually OP...If it's rectangular then there are two "ends" to the table, correct?

So remove his chair and replace it, in the same position, with one in the first picture...

Remove your chair and replace it in the same position with one in the second picture.

DH as self-proclaimed "Head of the House". Any tips please?
DH as self-proclaimed "Head of the House". Any tips please?
NotMyPenguin · 21/04/2017 12:01

You need to get a round table again! Or a square one!

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