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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is not on...

292 replies

OurFlo · 26/03/2017 21:56

Genuinely wondering if I'm BU to think that this is not on.
DP went out yesterday about 2pm to get flowers for his DM and pop into work. We had words on his way out as I was annoyed that he hadn't gone when I was working until 1pm. At 4pm his employee phoned me to ask where he was and then he called at 6pm to see if I was going to "have a go at him". He put the phone down on me and then didn't come home.
I rang him back at 9.15pm to find out where he was and he told me he was 15 miles away having a drink with his mate! He then rang me at 10.30 told me he wasn't coming home for me to "have a go at him". I told him he better come home, he slammed the phone down on me, turned it off and I haven't seen or spoke to him since.

AIBU to be mightily pissed off at the whole situation?
We go through this cycle every couple of months or so when he decides he's going out and then doesn't come home. I don't think that he should stay out all night. AIBU? I'm fed up with it, it's just so draining...

OP posts:
attheendoftheday · 26/03/2017 21:59

Is there a reason you're together?

CookieLady · 26/03/2017 21:59

Ditch him. Things aren't working and you both sound unhappy. Sorry.

CookieLady · 26/03/2017 21:59
Flowers
Original poster
OurFlo · 26/03/2017 22:03

Is there a reason you're together?

I guess not a good enough one. Practicalities...shared business/home/money...the usual blarney Sad

Thanks for the Flowers

OP posts:
BonnyScotland · 26/03/2017 22:03

what a scum bag ....

SorrelSoup · 26/03/2017 22:04

Get rid! He's showing you no respect. He basically creates a row that enables him to go out drinking all day and night. He knows you'll get over it, then he'll do it when he fancies going out on the lash again in a few months or whenever he fancies it. He's making out that you're the unreasonable one. And also that you're some kind of fish wife for being unhappy with it.

Original poster
OurFlo · 26/03/2017 22:06

He's practically convinced me that I am the unreasonable one.

I do think he engineered the row. When I suggested that he told me that I "was off my head"

OP posts:
troodiedoo · 26/03/2017 22:09

Agree with SorrelSoup he's setting up an argument to enable him buggering off when he feels like it. And you've both fallen into this pattern. If he doesn't want to address the issue then it does beg the question why stay together? He sounds rather petulant.

Flowers
HarryPottersMagicWand · 26/03/2017 22:10

So he pisses off out all day, puts the blame on you so he has an excuse to not come home.

He is acting like he is single and not having to be considerate to a partner. Give him what he wants, the single life, then he can stay out and get pissed up with his mates as much as he wants.

Canyouseethis · 26/03/2017 22:10

So you've not heard from him for almost 24h?

troodiedoo · 26/03/2017 22:10

You're not off your head to expect to be treated with decency and respect. At all!

Original poster
OurFlo · 26/03/2017 22:12

Nope. He put the phone down on me last night at about 10.30pm and I haven't heard from him since. His phone is off.

OP posts:
Original poster
OurFlo · 26/03/2017 22:13

I guess that's the thing that grates... the clear lack of respect.
I don't deserve that

OP posts:
SorrelSoup · 26/03/2017 22:13

A lot of people live like this. It depends how it makes you feel. It would ultimately give me anxiety and depression so I wouldn't be able to stay, also I expect to be treated better. It's not normal to just do one. Most couples would say, I'm off out tonight darling, see you later.

Original poster
OurFlo · 26/03/2017 22:15

I asked him why he'd gone behind my back... he said he hadn't Confused
He knew exactly what he was doing, the trouble it would cause and did it anyway.

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 26/03/2017 22:16

He's making excuses. Finding a way to blame you, which allows him to be unaccountable for a while. I would untangle myself from him PDQ.

QuiteLikely5 · 26/03/2017 22:20

Is he afraid to ask you to go to the pub with his friends? Do you usually get annoyed?

QuiteLikely5 · 26/03/2017 22:21

Otherwise why does he need to start a row to go out?

Original poster
OurFlo · 26/03/2017 22:21

He ruined Christmas doing this on Christmas Eve. My birthday, did it the night before and now Mother's Day. Luckily I have put it to the back of my mind and had a fab day with DD Smile

OP posts:
EffinElle · 26/03/2017 22:22

An ex of mine used to pull this stunt, note he's an ex, tell him not to bother coming back.

Original poster
OurFlo · 26/03/2017 22:22

He doesn't need to start a row to go out. I want him to come home, he decides he doesn't want to and so...doesn't.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 26/03/2017 22:22

Very bizzare behaviour in my view. If he was to just say to you, I'm off out with my mates would you be ok with that? I'm not understanding why he lies about it. Normal behaviour is " I'm out sat night, will be late" I'm guessing uou don't have kids?

cheminotte · 26/03/2017 22:24

Sorry but this is a total lack of respect for you and its very telling that he does they on important days. Time to ltb.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 26/03/2017 22:24

How many chances does he get? 3 ruined special days is way too much.

QuiteLikely5 · 26/03/2017 22:26

Still seems bizarre that every time he goes out he sleeps out?

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