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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is not on...

292 replies

OurFlo · 26/03/2017 21:56

Genuinely wondering if I'm BU to think that this is not on.
DP went out yesterday about 2pm to get flowers for his DM and pop into work. We had words on his way out as I was annoyed that he hadn't gone when I was working until 1pm. At 4pm his employee phoned me to ask where he was and then he called at 6pm to see if I was going to "have a go at him". He put the phone down on me and then didn't come home.
I rang him back at 9.15pm to find out where he was and he told me he was 15 miles away having a drink with his mate! He then rang me at 10.30 told me he wasn't coming home for me to "have a go at him". I told him he better come home, he slammed the phone down on me, turned it off and I haven't seen or spoke to him since.

AIBU to be mightily pissed off at the whole situation?
We go through this cycle every couple of months or so when he decides he's going out and then doesn't come home. I don't think that he should stay out all night. AIBU? I'm fed up with it, it's just so draining...

OP posts:
CrikeyPeg · 27/03/2017 00:44

Everything Glittery said, the guy is just an arse.

GinIsIn · 27/03/2017 01:40

You've done absolutely the right thing - well done! How will your DD learn self-respect in relationships if you don't set the bar first? Congrats on your new start - you are so much better off! Flowers for you

purplehaze24 · 27/03/2017 08:02

I had a partner who was doing this, engineering a row every Thursday so he could justify (in his head) staying out. Turns out it was OW not a mate he was with. I would look for a pattern. Hugs for you though he sounds really horrible

Original poster
OurFlo · 27/03/2017 08:09

As expected he didn't come home last night and no attempt to communicate with me. I fully expect him to turn up at some point today as from what I can see he literally went out with the clothes on his back. His coat, keys, work clothes etc are all here.
He will ignore my text and either turn up this morning to get changed or ring later tonight, turn it all on me, make me feel guilty and eventually send me a begging message asking if he can sleep on the sofa.

I didn't sleep well and have a banging headache and a busy day! Time to dose up on ibuprofen and block him. I can't have keep going through this...

Thanks for all your support. I'll keep you updated!

OP posts:
VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 27/03/2017 08:14

Keep going OP. You've told him what you want, now you have to get it. Good luck. We're with you for the sanity check.

whatsfair · 27/03/2017 08:32

If he has so many friends that will put him up after a night out, I'm sure they'all let him sleep on their sofas.

QueenArseClangers · 27/03/2017 08:49

Who owns the house OP? Can you change the locks?

Nocabbageinmyeye · 27/03/2017 08:54

Op you should ask to have this moved to relationships, you'll get lots of ongoing support there to keep you strong if you do decide enough is enough, I hope you do

Original poster
OurFlo · 27/03/2017 09:02

I own the house. He's left his keys here and I've removed the one for the front door so no longer any need to change the locks!
I'm sure his mate that he's spent the weekend with will love to have him Grin

OP posts:
troodiedoo · 27/03/2017 09:07

Morning OurFlo thinking of you today Flowers

MumBod · 27/03/2017 09:22

Go for it, Flo.

He sounds like a proper dickhead.

Enjoy the feeling of showing him you're stronger than he ever imagined.

FlowersStar and a Bike for the manchild to get on Wink

Soubriquet · 27/03/2017 09:30

Well done OP

You are definitely doing the right thing

He is a complete and utter twat. Never seen anyone so selfish either.

Stay strong and remember we are here if you need some help

Heinousfauxpas · 27/03/2017 09:39

Keep going and don't waver. You can do this. And you will feel so much better when he is gone. I've been sans nutjob twat for 10 years now and everyday feel a sense of relief and happiness to just not be with him. And from the day I left I've not had any depressive episodes or anxiety. Coincidence? I think not! Am right behind you willing you on Flo xx

babybubblescomingsoon · 27/03/2017 09:49

You're being incredibly brave by putting a stop to this op. Lots of love and hugs Flowers

Original poster
OurFlo · 27/03/2017 10:20

Thanks everyone...he's not gone into work.
Spent the night at his mate's and is still there. Still unapologetic. Hasn't ruined Mother's Day, or Christmas or my birthday.
Apparently that's what I get for "going on at him"

OP posts:
VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 27/03/2017 10:22

Bag up what you can and leave it outside?

CatThiefKeith · 27/03/2017 10:23

Stay strong Flo. He sounds like an arse!

PollytheDolly · 27/03/2017 10:31

What an arsehole. Stay strong OP. You can do it. X

Foffyouwanker · 27/03/2017 10:31

Pack his bags & change the locks! What a cockwomble!

AllDaBoats · 27/03/2017 10:45

Stay strong.

Do not let him in the house.

I had to do the same thing many many years ago. Just pack his stuff and drop it off at his work place so u have no reason to see him again. Clean break. No manipulation from him that way

Original poster
OurFlo · 27/03/2017 10:56

He is indignant and angry at me! It's all my fault, he's not bothered if he's got to get his stuff, then whines "I don't want to argue"

He is a true man child. I'm guessing I won't hear from him until later now but who knows. I might not hear from him until tomorrow but he will come begging, unless I get his shit out of my house and then he has no reason. He'll also be out of a job, I own the business. He clearly thinks he can control me, do what he wants and I'll just back down.

Not this time.

OP posts:
ClemDanfango · 27/03/2017 10:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MumBod · 27/03/2017 10:58

He treats you like this, when his job and home rely on you?

He's thick as well as nasty, then.

What a dick.

Booshbeesh · 27/03/2017 10:59

Id switch it up. Wave him off dont call dont ask questions when he calls to 'see if.ur pissed off' say no babe its fun enjoy your evening il see u later. Then switch off ur phone and vent on mumsnet. But pretend to him all is well. See what happens then

grosseconnasse · 27/03/2017 11:03

Stay strong OP, you are doing the right thing by ending it with him. Flowers for you