Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect any babysitter including grandparents to be sober

281 replies

mylongawaitedlife · 20/02/2017 21:25

am trying not to get drawn into a text war with grandparents.

my take on this is that anyone looking after my DC, babysitter, family, whoever, should be sober. To me it's just a given, unless for example family are all at a ver special occasion and there are children playing at wedding or something, but even so I wouldn't get 'drunk' in a situation like that.

Grandparents are arguing with me and calling me unreasonable. saying that if they look after DC at their house they have a right to drink and I can't tell them what to do in their own home.

To which the only response I can really give is fine, you just won't be babysitting.

Context to this is when i've seen the grandparents babysit other DC in the family, IMHO they have not just had a little to drinks but quite a few units each.

I've probably provoked them now by saying that to drink while looking after children is negligent behaviour. But that is my opinion. They are fighting it along the lines of 'we are not negligent and you can't tell us what to do'.

AIBU?

OP posts:
TheWinterOfOurDiscountTents · 20/02/2017 21:27

Depends. Do you mean completely sober (as in not a drop) or do you mean not actually drunk?
I have no problem with family babysitters having a glass of wine etc, but then I trust them to look after the children as they see fit. If you don't, then alcohol is neither here nor there.

Wolfiefan · 20/02/2017 21:29

Do you never have a drink?
I wouldn't drink in charge of someone else's child. I wouldn't feel happy doing that.
If you can't agree then they can't look after your children.

19lottie82 · 20/02/2017 21:29

How much did they have to drink exactly?
"A Few" units is only 2 cans of beer or a large glass of wine

Were they actually "drunk"? .

Splitting a bottle of wine with dinner, fine.
Getting absolutely rat arsed, not fine.

Original poster
mylongawaitedlife · 20/02/2017 21:30

In theory, I wouldn't mind 'a glass of wine'. Trouble is, I probably don't trust it to be just that and, honestly, would have thought that spending time with grandchildren was more important than the need to drink which they can do at any other time.

Happy to hear other opinions, just finding it hard to get my head around it.

OP posts:
NancyJoan · 20/02/2017 21:30

Well, I think you're a bit daft to call them negligent, as if you have ever had a drink while in charge of your DC the same could apply.

I think a glass of wine while babysitting = fine, half a bottle probably not.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 20/02/2017 21:32

Can you not enjoy a glass of wine and enjoy spending time with the grandchildren then. Why not?

NancyJoan · 20/02/2017 21:33

I probably don't trust it to be just that and, honestly, would have thought that spending time with grandchildren was more important than the need to drink which they can do at any other time.

But won't the DC be in bed, if they are baby sitting at their own house and having a glass with dinner?

Original poster
mylongawaitedlife · 20/02/2017 21:33

Yes I sometimes have a drink, not teetotal.
Not with DC around though - more likely to be after bed time, and not if they are ill and any chance of needing to care for them during the night.

An example would be a previous occasion where one on second beer, the other refilling large red wine glass. To my mind drunk as they begin to talk louder, think they are oh so funny. Signs that tell me people are drunk.

I just don't understand why anyone would feel they 'can't go without' for a night while they look after a child.

OP posts:
Original poster
mylongawaitedlife · 20/02/2017 21:34

Nancy, no they definitely mean while the grandchildren are awake, not after they have gone to sleep.

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 20/02/2017 21:34

In laws, I assume.

Lexie1970 · 20/02/2017 21:34

My rule of thumb would be could you drive a car if need be? My DP likes a drink and when DS was small i drank very little..

randomsabreuse · 20/02/2017 21:35

One of them within drink drive limits would be my thing - and we apply it to us as well - so we agree on designated driver in case of emergency.

bigearsthethird · 20/02/2017 21:36

Depends on how old the children are and would they be in bed asleep when grandparents had a drink? Or would grandparents be getting sloshed at dinner whilst looking after a young baby?

MoreThanUs · 20/02/2017 21:36

I think if you can't trust them to not get totally wasted, you shouldn't trust them to look after your children. Having a few sociable drinks is totally different though, and I wouldn't have a problem with this.

Original poster
mylongawaitedlife · 20/02/2017 21:36

throughthick no unfortunately my own!

OP posts:
Original poster
mylongawaitedlife · 20/02/2017 21:37

Let's say 3, 5
Not asleep, definitely while they are awake - getting sloshed at dinner sounds about right

OP posts:
Basicbrown · 20/02/2017 21:37

I think yabu op, if we are talking 2 drinks. If they were passing out on the sofa that's different. You sound hard work tbh, they like a drink, you aren't bothered either way - why does it matter to you so much?

Guavaf1sh · 20/02/2017 21:38

Totally agree with the drink drive equivalent above - being teetotal is absurd and accusing them of negligence is nuts

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 20/02/2017 21:38

Oh that's a surprise Grin

Have they always been drinkers, or is it a new thing?

MoreThanUs · 20/02/2017 21:39

I'm really surprised at PP saying one person should be able to drive! So you and your partner would never have a couple of glases of wine each? If I needed to get to hospital in an emergency I'd ring a taxi. It's not happened to me in 6 years, and very possibly never will.

bigearsthethird · 20/02/2017 21:39

I'd say you're not being unreasonable then. I wouldn't be happy with that from someone babysitting. Sounds like more than an innocent glass of wine with their steak

Original poster
mylongawaitedlife · 20/02/2017 21:40

random let's say one having drunk enough to need to go and lie down and sleep, the other I really wouldn't want driving - and they are both ok with this and arguing with me saying it's their right to drink in their home if they want to. my response was yes it is, but not while looking after my DC which is my choice.

OP posts:
merrymouse · 20/02/2017 21:40

I think it is absolutely your call.

You clearly feel that they don't know how to manage their drinking when looking after children, therefore when they babysit you don't want them to drink.

Plenty of people don't drink and many more never get 'drunk' around their children. They should be able to respect your wishes and not drink for an evening if they want to babysit. You clearly don't need them to babysit, so the choice is up to them.

donajimena · 20/02/2017 21:40

How old are the children? My parents regularly babysat and drank. More than driving limit (our family has a zero limit) but not too much that you wouldnt be able to respond to an emergency.
A few years ago my youngest fell out of bed and cut the back of his head. I'd had wine (not shed loads but I don't drink anything and drive) so took a taxi to A & E.
Are they known for drinking until they pass out?

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 20/02/2017 21:40

YANBU. I trust ours to only have one if they're in sole charge - if I didn't, they would be babysitting.

Swipe left for the next trending thread