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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect any babysitter including grandparents to be sober

281 replies

mylongawaitedlife · 20/02/2017 21:25

am trying not to get drawn into a text war with grandparents.

my take on this is that anyone looking after my DC, babysitter, family, whoever, should be sober. To me it's just a given, unless for example family are all at a ver special occasion and there are children playing at wedding or something, but even so I wouldn't get 'drunk' in a situation like that.

Grandparents are arguing with me and calling me unreasonable. saying that if they look after DC at their house they have a right to drink and I can't tell them what to do in their own home.

To which the only response I can really give is fine, you just won't be babysitting.

Context to this is when i've seen the grandparents babysit other DC in the family, IMHO they have not just had a little to drinks but quite a few units each.

I've probably provoked them now by saying that to drink while looking after children is negligent behaviour. But that is my opinion. They are fighting it along the lines of 'we are not negligent and you can't tell us what to do'.

AIBU?

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 20/02/2017 21:40

Me too Morethan makes me wonder about all the poor single parents never ever being able to drink

Ethylred · 20/02/2017 21:40

I wouldn't worry about the GPs, they've got the GC to look after them.

Who I hope are sober.

edwinbear · 20/02/2017 21:41

It's not unusual for DH and I to share a bottle of wine on a Saturday night whilst DC are in bed and as such, I would not have a problem with GP's who were babysitting doing similar.

brasty · 20/02/2017 21:42

You are talking about 2 glasses of wine or 2 beers? Yes YABU. A paid babysitter should not be doing that. But I can see why the GPs are unhappy.

Viviene · 20/02/2017 21:42

I would never drink when taking care of a child / babysitting and would expect other members of the family to do the same.
I also agree with the driving rule but where I live taxis take too long to come and the legal alcohol limit is 0.00 so yes I always make sure one person is able to drive a car.

Masketti · 20/02/2017 21:44

I would expect 1 to be within the limit yes. Just in case. Especially as it's not very often. My DH and I are both over the limit once a week at the same time either Friday or Saturday night I'll have 2 ciders and he'll have 2 beers and a couple of glasses of wine. But I know our neighbours. Heck I know half my village! I know who I can call on for help. If I was babysitting my friend's child or a niece or nephew of mine I'd definitely stay sober. It's a one off it's the least I can do.

brasty · 20/02/2017 21:44

If taxis take too long to come and it is urgent, you phone an ambulance.

Original poster
mylongawaitedlife · 20/02/2017 21:44

Ok, well I can accept that some folks on here clearly do think I'm being unreasonable. I just don't get it, why out of all the nights in the month 2 grown adults can't abstain from drinking while looking after a child. I mean, I manage it just about every day of the year.

at the risk of getting blasted on here - is it a baby boomer thing? or am i just out of touch and everyone else is drinking that often that it's unusual for them to not do so?

OP posts:
DJBaggySmalls · 20/02/2017 21:45

If you are too drunk to drive you are too drunk to babysit.

fabulous01 · 20/02/2017 21:45

I am amazed at some of this. Personally I would be fuming so no way would I ask them again. But I know I am more neurotic as we have cot death in family. And cot death which happened when grand parents had baby. It was extended family but brought the whole thing home about baby sitting and nights very real
Also one of us is always within safe limits that if necessary one is ok to drive to hospital or get attention
We have choices but our precious children don't.

edwinbear · 20/02/2017 21:46

I suspect as GP's they will probably take the view that they raised their own children OK having had a glass of wine or two in the evenings so don't understand your concern. Perhaps book and pay for a professional babysitter next time, where I think it would be unprofessional to drink whilst at work?

MoominMama22 · 20/02/2017 21:47

Hmm tricky one. On the one hand I agree in principle but on the other hand I think You Have Been a Bit Unreasonable.

I wouldn't have anything to drink if looking after someone else's child in case there was an emergency and I needed to drive. If I was looking after my own small child (Once in bed) I would still not be comfortable to get actually drunk unless somebody else was on duty as it were.

I think it would be OK for grandparents to have a glass of wine and I wouldn't mind this because of where they live. (I am miles from anywhere and too remote for quick ambulance so I need to be able to drive, city dwellers it's different)
So.. To conclude I don't think its unreasonable to expect babysitters to be sober but I think a glass of wine for grandparents is OK and throwing around terms like negligent is asking for a fight... 🙄

Original poster
mylongawaitedlife · 20/02/2017 21:49

that's just it edwin DM didn't drink at all while raising me, we never had a drop in the house - then met stepdad, who is the other GP. Then came heavy drinking in her 50s. He may have raised his kids (my step family) that way but she definitely didn't and at the time would have been horrified at the suggestion, and said exactly what I'm saying to her now.

OP posts:
DontTouchTheMoustache · 20/02/2017 21:49

I had a night out when ds was 5 months old and my mum was babysitting for me, me and my friends had too much prosecco so I went straight to bed when I got home and didn't speak to her her much, turns out she drank so much wine that she smashed one of my wine glasses and cut her head somehow trying to clean it up Confused she stayed up chatting to my friend who was staying over and has no memory of it. I have not asked her to babysit again.

MrsChopper · 20/02/2017 21:50

In my humble opinion YANBU! I would not ask them to watch the DC again to be honest.

Ethylred · 20/02/2017 21:50

Also what's with this insane driving/babysitting comparison? A driver is in charge of a 2 ton chunk of metal that can kill even at a low speed. It's difficult to do much damage with a grandchild, even if you use it as a croquet mallet.

NuffSaidSam · 20/02/2017 21:51

I don't think YABU.

I think it's a real difference of opinion one though. I quite frequently babysit for strangers (I'm a nanny) and quite often the first thing parents show me is where the wine is!

Wishforsnow · 20/02/2017 21:52

I don't think it's a baby boomer thing at all. What is wrong with a few glasses of wine when babysitting. Half the threads on here mention wine or gin.

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter · 20/02/2017 21:52

Me and dh drink with our dd in the house but not roaring drunk just 2 glasses of wine, I like wine so I don't see why I shouldn't enjoy a glass.

I wouldn't expect a baby sister to not touch a drop, especially a grandparents that is kindly doing it for free why shouldn't they have a glass of wine

Basicbrown · 20/02/2017 21:52

Then came heavy drinking in her 50s.

So what are we talking about? Heavy drinking or a couple of glasses of wine?

brasty · 20/02/2017 21:53

Are all those talking about driving saying that someone who can't drive should not be allowed to look after children? Or if you don't have a car?
Honestly it is ridiculous. You get a taxi, or if an emergency, an ambulance. A taxi firm will prioritise someone taking a child to A&E.

Being drunk is not okay. But 2 beers or glasses of wine is fine.

PurpleMinionMummy · 20/02/2017 21:54

Yanbu, it's your call. If you're not comfortable with it, you're not. I've had to do a 2am drive to hospital with a sick baby, taxis aren't hugely abundant in the middle of nowhere.

If someone can't forgo alcohol for one evening whilst they babysit, I'd wonder if they had an alcohol problem. They have 6 other days of the week to enjoy that 'not making you at all drunk' glass or few of wine. Why can't it wait? Surely it would be MORE enjoyable without kids around?

Pinkheart5915 · 20/02/2017 21:55

I drink with my babies in the house as does dh, in fact I have a nice glass of red right now with dh while the babies are asleep. 1-2 glasses of wine does not make me incapable of caring for my children should they wake.

So I would not expect a babysit not to touch a drop, don't get me wrong I wouldn't want them steaming drunk but 1-2 glasses of wine or what ever triple they like honestly wouldn't bother me

arethereanyleftatall · 20/02/2017 21:55

Tbh I'm quite often on a Saturday night too drunk too drive, as is my dh, as are any adult friends who are round; whilst in care of our dc. Not absolutely bladdered (I can't be arsed with hangovers any more) but certainly over the driving limit. I don't know anyone who always makes sure one of them is below the limit for emergencies, just get a cab in the very unlikely event.
That said, I'd be fine then have a few whilst looking after my own dc, but not if I were babysitting anyone else's. That's somehow different.

Original poster
mylongawaitedlife · 20/02/2017 21:56

the example I gave somewhere earlier upthread I think is one being on third beer and the other half a bottle of red - and showing signs of drunkenness

basic when not looking after DC, then much more drunk - what I would call heavy.

OP posts: