to expect any babysitter including grandparents to be sober

[mylongawaitedlife]

am trying not to get drawn into a text war with grandparents.

my take on this is that anyone looking after my DC, babysitter, family, whoever, should be sober. To me it's just a given, unless for example family are all at a ver special occasion and there are children playing at wedding or something, but even so I wouldn't get 'drunk' in a situation like that.

Grandparents are arguing with me and calling me unreasonable. saying that if they look after DC at their house they have a right to drink and I can't tell them what to do in their own home.

To which the only response I can really give is fine, you just won't be babysitting.

Context to this is when i've seen the grandparents babysit other DC in the family, IMHO they have not just had a little to drinks but quite a few units each.

I've probably provoked them now by saying that to drink while looking after children is negligent behaviour. But that is my opinion. They are fighting it along the lines of 'we are not negligent and you can't tell us what to do'.

AIBU?

*Seems the drinkers are very defensive of their vice8

I don't drink so it isn't a vice for me. I just think that you sound quite childish and you don't seem to get the fact that it is possible to drink alcohol in moderation and to not "need it" to feel "happy/relaxed/sociable". As those who drink in moderation aren't going to live a shorter life with lower morbidity than you, I would stop feeling so smug.

Seems the drinkers are very defensive of their vice

I don't drink so it isn't a vice for me. I just think that you sound quite childish and you don't seem to get the fact that it is possible to drink alcohol in moderation and to not "need it" to feel "happy/relaxed/sociable". As those who drink in moderation aren't going to live a shorter life with lower morbidity than you, I would stop feeling so smug.

lower morbidity higher morbidity

I wonder if like smoking it is the normalisation of alcohol. When parents smoke their children are more likely to smoke. When parents drink are their children more likely to drink and whilst the parent might be able to control their drinking their children as adults might not.

As a nation I do think we should sober up. Judging from the responses on here at some point every day more than 1/2 the nation pours themselves a glass of something that stops them thinking clearly.

I am amongst those that rarely drink.
I'm not teetotal, but I'm in the group that the OPs never believe when the threads appear asking how much you drink in a month

However, I still think that if you leave your child in the care of any person (relation, friend, or paid employee), then you need to trust that person to be able to make judgements whilst they are looking after your dc. You can not start dictating they 'can do X but they can't do Y'. The cup of tea thing is true too - there are people who try to dictate that no person can ever have a hot drink in the same room as their child. You could write a list of all the things you feel might be unsafe, or you can leave your child with a person whose judgement you trust, and not track their every move.

The problem is, the OP has asked a general question, which people are still answering, and then added more information about the individual people she is talking about. I suspect for many people who have replied, the answer to the question about these specific grandparents would be different from the answer to the 'generalised' question originally asked.

Fair enough Back, didn't mean to drip feed but can see what you mean