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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect any babysitter including grandparents to be sober

281 replies

mylongawaitedlife · 20/02/2017 21:25

am trying not to get drawn into a text war with grandparents.

my take on this is that anyone looking after my DC, babysitter, family, whoever, should be sober. To me it's just a given, unless for example family are all at a ver special occasion and there are children playing at wedding or something, but even so I wouldn't get 'drunk' in a situation like that.

Grandparents are arguing with me and calling me unreasonable. saying that if they look after DC at their house they have a right to drink and I can't tell them what to do in their own home.

To which the only response I can really give is fine, you just won't be babysitting.

Context to this is when i've seen the grandparents babysit other DC in the family, IMHO they have not just had a little to drinks but quite a few units each.

I've probably provoked them now by saying that to drink while looking after children is negligent behaviour. But that is my opinion. They are fighting it along the lines of 'we are not negligent and you can't tell us what to do'.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Oliversmumsarmy · 21/02/2017 19:33

But Basic I don't get it either.

Basicbrown · 21/02/2017 19:38

And...?

Trainspotting1984 · 21/02/2017 21:12

i am aware of what it is like to be able to drink, as I did my fair share when I was much younger. I still don't get it.

Anxious why did you drink when you were younger if you didn't get it?Confused

anxious2017 · 21/02/2017 21:23

To fit in? Because I was young and immature? I didn't get it back then either but wasn't strong enough to stand up for myself. I put my pushover personality down to a traumatic childhood and a bad relationship. Not that it should matter why I chose to drink or not...

Trainspotting1984 · 21/02/2017 21:24

Oh right. But do you get that people like different things? Because that's all it is, surely?

anxious2017 · 21/02/2017 22:00

I take it you haven't read the whole thread.

anxious2017 · 21/02/2017 22:03

Plus, although I get that people like different things, I don't have to get why people knowingly spend money on putting poison into their body, many knowing that it will make them feel ill the next day, many choosing to drive while over the limit, many experiencing personality changes which may hurt other people, many causing fights and damage while drunk, some becoming addicted, wrecking lives and even losing their own, wasting NHS time and money. Nope sorry, still don't get it.

Trainspotting1984 · 21/02/2017 23:26

Of course I've read the thread

Maybe it's best you just accept you don't get it then. Obviously you know you're a minority

anxious2017 · 22/02/2017 00:22

When have I said I don't accept it? I know I'm sadly a minority.

Trainspotting1984 · 22/02/2017 07:29

Why sadly? You're not a better person for being allergic to booze. I don't understand why you keep saying you don't understand it if you just accept it. I don't understand why people do crafts for fun, I don't keep asking them about it

anxious2017 · 22/02/2017 07:54

I'm definitely a better person for not putting alcohol into my body. I can accept something but not understand it. I accept neuroscience but don't have a full understanding of it. I also craft for fun 😉

brasty · 22/02/2017 08:54

A nice wine tastes lovely. That is why I drink a good red wine. I certainly do not drink enough to feel ill the next day.

Gwenhwyfar · 22/02/2017 09:00

Anxious - you come across as pompous and arrogant. I really don't think it makes you a better person.

anxious2017 · 22/02/2017 09:06

Gwenhwyfar - you come across as judgemental and a little bit silly. You don't know me from Adam. If I say it makes me a better person, it does, because I'm me.

brasty · 22/02/2017 09:08

The only reason it would make you a better person, is if you are prone to alcohol abuse and so have to totally abstain.

dietcokewithlemon · 22/02/2017 09:17

Haven't read all but please reassure yourself that you are not BU. It's completely unacceptable for anyone to drink whilst babysitting. It's not even a discussion to have with them. These are YOUR boundaries and healthy ones at that. Your child, your decision. I wouldn't discuss it any more. The fact they are even debating it speaks volumes as you imply.
Of course parents can drink if their own kids are in house, but no I wouldn't trust an older person to a) not fall asleep b) hear my child if crying and c) be fully sentient to know if there was a problem / temperature or otherwise and be quick thinking enough to know what to do about it.

Follow your gut always. X

anxious2017 · 22/02/2017 09:35

Not at all, brasty. There are many reasons.

Roomster101 · 22/02/2017 10:12

anxious2017 It sounds like you are trying to convince yourself that you aren't missing out on anything because you can't enjoy a glass of wine. As someone who can't drink either (due to medication), I think you need to grow up.

MuseumOfCurry · 22/02/2017 10:22

I still don't think it's OK on a school night.

This is excessive and invasive. I know precisely what you mean by people showing up at work still drunk from the night before. This requires far more alcohol than a half-bottle of wine.

OP I suggest you pay for a babysitter.

My husband and I consciously refrain from alcohol 3-4 nights a week but the other 3-4 we're still in charge of our children. If I'd had too much to drink to drive (which is not much to be fair) I'd simply Uber.

anxious2017 · 22/02/2017 10:26

I'm grown up, thanks. I'm not trying to convince myself of anything, haha! Even if I wasn't allergic, I'd choose not to drink. Why would I enjoy a glass of wine? I don't like the taste, I don't want to put alcohol into my body, I hate everything it stands for and I don't need it to make me feel relaxed/happy/sociable. I'm really, really not missing out on anything. So I'm against alcohol? Lots of people are against things that are ridiculous. Maybe try telling them to grow up instead of someone who doesn't want to drink for very valid reasons.

Seems the drinkers are very defensive of their vice Smile

anxious2017 · 22/02/2017 10:28

museumofcurry It definitely does take more than that. However as a school night usually consists of marking, planning and assessment, we are still doing a job. It wouldn't be OK for someone to drink at work - I don't believe it should be OK to drink while doing important school work.

MuseumOfCurry · 22/02/2017 10:30

museumofcurry It definitely does take more than that. However as a school night usually consists of marking, planning and assessment, we are still doing a job. It wouldn't be OK for someone to drink at work - I don't believe it should be OK to drink while doing important school work.

If my employer told me I couldn't have a glass of wine while working in the evening at home outside of working hours I'd tell them to fuck off. You're really overstepping the mark.

anxious2017 · 22/02/2017 10:33

Our working hours aren't set in stone. I wouldn't employ someone I knew would drink while working. Overstepping whose mark? My head teacher would be deeply unhappy if he knew someone was drinking while marking children's work.

MuseumOfCurry · 22/02/2017 10:41

My head teacher would be deeply unhappy if he knew someone was drinking while marking children's work.

You do realise that people can drink without being on a bender? If, as you say, all evenings are spent marking papers then I suspect most teachers are drinking on the job.

NataliaOsipova · 22/02/2017 10:54

I wouldn't employ someone I knew would drink while working.

Used to be an essential part of the job when I worked in the City.....!

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