To ask how your dh/dp would have reacted in this situation?

[whirlygirly]

Bit of relevant background- I drive, dp doesn't - that's not a situation we can change unfortunately. The impact is that transport arrangements are entirely covered by me. I regularly drop him and dcs off and pick them up at convenient spots for them then go off to park the car. I cover all long distance family visits, airport runs, school runs and clubs etc.

Anyway, Dp has membership to an event which happens most weekends. He usually goes alone as it's in a city about an hour away but it's good fun to watch so occasionally I go along with the dcs.

Today I'd booked event and train tickets not realising the trains weren't running so it was a replacement bus service. It took no longer but was cramped and uncomfortable- none of us got to sit together.

Anyway at the event while dp was off somewhere we bumped into friends who offered me and dcs a lift home - but they only had 3 spare seats. We could either go straight with them or wait 1hr 30 for the bus home and then walk 25 mins back from the station. It was freezing so we accepted. I didn't think dp would mind too much as I would then meet him at the station. He did mind. It turned into an awkward and horrible situation in front of other people.

I know in isolation I sound selfish and perhaps should have said no but then we'd all still be walking home in the rain now rather than the dcs being fed and in bed. Honestly, this is an utter one off, I can count the number of times I've had a lift with anyone else in the past year on my fingers. I'm a bit disappointed dp couldn't see this and just go with it for once to make my life easier.

Sorry this has got long - Aibu??

I'm pretty sure my DH would have said "go go get the lift, I'll see you later".

Did he expect/want you to drive? Out of interest, why didn't you?

Did you discuss it with him before you accepted?

Yanbu, I don't even know how old your kids are but you still did the right thing. I bet if he'd been offered the lift and you were the one getting the bus he'd see it that the kids come first.

But he would have been going and have to get the bus back anyway? He sounds pretty self absorbed to be honest.

I think it's a little rude you accepted without speaking to him first, and really unfair that you gave him absolutely no warning before getting to the station and thus you were the one who created the awkward situation.

However the thing itself isn't unreasonable. My OH would have said go for it too, but he is generally pretty chivalrous. I do think it's a fair question to ask why you automatically got the lift with the children instead of him, if I'm putting my equality hat on.

Without a doubt my DH would have been pleased for me and the DCs to be saved the long journey and walk back. I wouldn't have needed to discuss it with him.

What sort of person wants others (including their own DC) to be uncomfortable just to keep them company in their own discomfort? A selfish arsehole type person, that's who!!

I'm 100% sure my DH would have been happy that we got a lift. With 3 of us gone, it's easier for him to find his way home or even get a lift as it's just one person.
Besides it means I can start the evening routine earlier and he might even meet dinner. Yanbu at all

My DH would have said "God yes, take DS with you in the car, it'll be so much more comfortable for him. And you deserve the lift - you drive us everywhere. See you at home". Or words to that effect.

Mine would have happily waved me off knowing i would end up doing bed time whilst he "got chatting" found a quiet pub for a quick pint

I think for me what's crucial is that he normally goes alone - it's not like this was a one-off family occasion to eg the zoo or cup final where you would always go together.

You're the one who gets the lift because (presumably) he's the one with friends there.

My DP would have said, "you and the kids take the lift and I'll get the bus home" without a second thought.

I don't think YABU, it makes sense to get a lift & get DC's fed & settled, over a bus journey where you could have been all separated, which I'm assuming took longer than the car journey. Friends can't help not having room.

I can see from his point of view, oh ok I slum it whilst you get a lift. But for me the priority would be on the children, who might have been unsettled late at night.

Not to mention how accommodating you usually are with lifts. He should perhaps learn how to drive so the onus isn't always on you.

I don't think it's unreasonable for you to have accepted the lift, but it depends on whether you talked to him about it first.

If he had got the lift then he couldn't subsequently pick anyone up from the station, right?
He got a massive chunk of time child free too, sounds great to me!

He'd have said "go for it, see you at home" or depending on logistics, "could you come back and pick me up at the station"

Your OH is an arsehole

My DH would have insisted that I accept the lift.

I think you ought to have mentioned it to him prior to accepting. Was that the real issue rather than him not wanting you to take the offer

Mine would have absolutely insisted we take the lift- no question.

Your husband sounds petty and selfish. You are attending something which is primarily his interest and to please him but even if that were not the case mine would still have insisted we take the lift.

He was being U.

My DH would want me to take the lift. That way you and the kids get back much earlier and he gets back a bit earlier.

My dh would have told me to take the lift. No question.

My DH would have been happy for us to go, BUT he is uptight about manners and hates feeling neglected, so I would have said "Great news, Mrs X can give the children a lift back, there's one more spare seat, is it ok with you if I take it so I can put them to bed asap? Really sucks there's not room for all of us..."

If I'd said "We've found a lift but there's not enough room for you so we'll see you later" then DH would have been a bit sulky, yes. It's as much about whatever you said, as what you did.

So he sulked because you hit a lift

Tough.

Got not hit obvs

My DH isn't a fan of public transport. So he probably would have offered to take the kids home and get them sorted while I (perfectly happily) settled myself on the train/bus with a book and some peace and quiet.

But, if we were splitting up like that he's prefer to have a bit of warning so that we could work out any complications - not just be presented with a complete change of plan.