To ask how your dh/dp would have reacted in this situation?

[whirlygirly]

Bit of relevant background- I drive, dp doesn't - that's not a situation we can change unfortunately. The impact is that transport arrangements are entirely covered by me. I regularly drop him and dcs off and pick them up at convenient spots for them then go off to park the car. I cover all long distance family visits, airport runs, school runs and clubs etc.

Anyway, Dp has membership to an event which happens most weekends. He usually goes alone as it's in a city about an hour away but it's good fun to watch so occasionally I go along with the dcs.

Today I'd booked event and train tickets not realising the trains weren't running so it was a replacement bus service. It took no longer but was cramped and uncomfortable- none of us got to sit together.

Anyway at the event while dp was off somewhere we bumped into friends who offered me and dcs a lift home - but they only had 3 spare seats. We could either go straight with them or wait 1hr 30 for the bus home and then walk 25 mins back from the station. It was freezing so we accepted. I didn't think dp would mind too much as I would then meet him at the station. He did mind. It turned into an awkward and horrible situation in front of other people.

I know in isolation I sound selfish and perhaps should have said no but then we'd all still be walking home in the rain now rather than the dcs being fed and in bed. Honestly, this is an utter one off, I can count the number of times I've had a lift with anyone else in the past year on my fingers. I'm a bit disappointed dp couldn't see this and just go with it for once to make my life easier.

Sorry this has got long - Aibu??

[TheDowagerCuntess]

That's some hair-splitting, piglet!

You would really make that distinction?

[SleightOfMind]

I can't imagine anything other than DH urging us to accept a lift in those circs.
Travelling solo is always easier than travelling with DCs especially if there are delays.
Has he said why he got tetchy? Causing a scene in front of the kind friends sounds a bit worrying too?
If this is out of character I'd be a bit worried tbh.

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

You would really make that distinction?

MN does all the time. Take a look at the SP threads where SP are constantly told to butt out, they aren't your DC.

[Picoloangel]

I would have have checked with DP first but I don't think YABU at all. My DP can be thoughtless and a bit selfish but I know that he wouldn't have hesitated to say that we should have accepted the lift.

I think your DP was BVU considering that you provide constant lifts etc.

[user1478860582]

I think Piglet is absolutely correct. The relationship seems very much mum and kids and then the stepdad is an add on. How often in other parts of their life does he feel that he's pushed out or not consulted on things?

I imagine if she had asked first he would of been ok about it.

[alltouchedout]

In our house I'm the one who can't drive (but I don't expect to be 'chauffeured about' as some pp have complained that non drivers do). In any case, DH and I would have been fighting to be the one who went back alone by bus. Unexpected time alone without the dc!!! I could have read a book!!! Or just sat still and thought about nothing much at all without anyone asking me to do stuff!!!

[TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder]

Whether they are biologically his children or not, he should be capable of putting their needs first. Otherwise he is not cut out for a long term relationship with a woman who has children. Whether they are married or not is immaterial. As a partner, she is owed respect and kindness. I don't understand the "MN always says" argument. Mumsnet is not one huge all powerful mind. It's an internet forum, which thousands of different people contribute to. The opinions expressed by certain individuals on other threads have no bearing on this one.

User what makes you say that he seems like an "add on"? That's a huge leap from the information OP has given. OP and her children were only there because they were joining him on a day trip to do with his hobby.

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

Mumsnet is not one huge all powerful mind

It seems to be when it comes to SP.

[TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder]

Not in my experience Piglet. Like anything, it depends which threads you read and the opinions of the posters on that particular thread. Sometimes they seem to go that way, but I personally haven't seen that in the majority of cases. It's by the by anyway, it doesn't devalue the opinions of people on this thread with regards to this specific circumstance.

[Overcooked]

Is it just me and DH that would have been more likely to fall out about who got to have the child-free journey home - it sounds like bliss to me.